Page 29 of Boots, Bucket Lists & Bad Ideas
“I mean, the shots helped. Liquid courage.” I drop the chocolate into my basket.
Too bad the alcohol didn’t numb the irritation that hit me when Hart waltzed in.
Irritation.
Distain.
Quiet fury.
“Where did you get all these—” I slide into the booth.
“Dicks?” Josie supplies. “Mini-dicks. Pork swords. One-eyed Willy’s. Purple helmet love warriors—”
“Alright, calm down.” Natalie pretends like she didn’t just get super competitive searching for—I’m not sure how many—mini dildos, vibrators, and penis-shaped chocolate pops.
Each of us has a basket, and they’re all surprisingly full—except Hannah.
“I got them from The Crimson Hollow.” Josie unwraps a penis and licks the flat bottom.
Natalie swats her.
“Cleaned Charli right out of mini-dildos, travel, pocket, micro, and these”—Kiwi picks up a small, phallic-shaped one out of a basket—“bullet vibrators. They’re a favorite.”
Charli is Kiwi’s granddaughter, which apparently makes the older woman an adult toy concierge.
“You keep that one.” Josie winks at her.
“I think I will.” She slips it into her apron and takes away a handful of empty glasses.
“We are returning these,” I say. “They’re all going back to Charli.”
“Get some store credit for things you really want.” Josie bites the tip of a penis pop and looks delighted about it.
Scary.
“No. I’m just going to give them to her. I don’t need anything—”
“Sure you don’t.” Josie hands me another gift, a single envelope. “For you.”
I stare at it. “I’m not ready for any more of your gifts.”
“Shut up. You had fun.” She shakes the envelope.
I take it.
“But I do think Kiwi will be finding dildos and penis pops for the next year because this isn’t all of them.
We groan.
“Same with Bucky’s. I lied. There’s way more. I just wanted to watch you cringe flirt with that biker.”
“I don’t cringe flirt.”
“You don’t flirt.” Josie sticks the rest of the chocolate in her mouth. “But that wasn’t as painful as I thought.”
“I was not flirting.” I point the envelope at her. “I swear, if this is a guide to attract men—”
“Sex moves that will make you a legend,” Hope chimes in with raised eyebrows at her sister. “That was my bridal gift.”
