Page 208 of Boots, Bucket Lists & Bad Ideas
My fingers clutch at his back. His arms wrap around me in return. No, they cling to me, fingers digging into my sweater, like he’s drowning and I’m the last thing keeping him afloat. His face burrows into my shoulder, and mine into his.
He’s shaking.
God, we both are.
The tears come so fast I can’t stop them. Mine. His. I don’t even know whose is whose. It’s all just tears and shaking and the sound of us breaking apart and coming together at the same time.
There’s no hiding here.
No pretending.
Just two people, broken and trying to remember how to fit back together. And for the first time in so long, I don’t feel alone in the hurt.
We sob until there’s nothing left. Until the tears dry on our cheeks and the shaking slows. Until every last tremor runs its course, leaving us empty and spent. Our bodies give in, too tired to hold anything anymore.
And still, we stay wrapped around each other.
I don’t know when he ended up in my arms. Only that he’s here now, folded into me, quiet, trembling, and unguarded. I hold him without hesitation. One hand cradles the back of his head while the other anchors around his shoulders as if I can shield him from the weight of his own guilt.
And for a moment, that’s all there is.
He breaks the silence, his voice still struggling.
“I’m so sorry, Jade.” It’s quieter this time, a whisper in my ear.
“I’m sorry,” I say back. “I didn’t understand. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
When he looks up, his eyes are wet and raw, unblinking, and his lips tremble.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who fucked up. I’m the one who broke us.”
I cup his face, stroking his cheek with my thumb.
“You’ve been hurting this whole time, haven’t you?” I whisper. “I didn’t know, Hart. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”
This isn’t about betrayal anymore, whether it be his or mine. It’s about two people carrying wounds we were never meant to have, and not knowing how to heal them.
“I never meant to hurt you.” His hands cup my face, the storm behind his eyes quieting when he looks at me. “I swear, I never wanted to cause you any pain. I need to say it. I need you to hear it. Every jab, every offhand comment, and every sarcastic remark. I’m so fucking sorry.” Wetness clings to his cheek. “And I know you won’t forget how I’ve acted and made you feel all these years later, yet I desperately need your forgiveness Jade.”
I think if he has any more tears to cry, he’d shed them here.
“I forgive you.” I lean into his touch. “If that’s what you need to hear, then yes, I forgive you. But I don’t think you need it from me. Not when I see how much you’ve been carrying.”
He doesn’t speak. He just tightens his grip, as if he’s afraid this will end.
I’m afraid too.
For the first time in years, all the hate is gone.
This is the moment where we both let go. Let go of the past, of everything we thought we knew.
And in this raw, vulnerable silence, I realize that whatever happens next, it will be different.
It already is.
His lips brush my forehead, and then he lets his forehead settle against mine.
“I never thought this day would come.” His voice is low and hesitant. “I never let myself think I’d be here with you, telling you everything.”
