Page 206 of Boots, Bucket Lists & Bad Ideas
“Wasn’t everything about the feud?”
“What a cop out excuse. Unbelievable.” I scoff. “The feud? Of all the excuses you could’ve made up, the feud was at the bottom. Way at the bottom.”
“I’m not making an excuse.”
I slap my palms together. “No. You don’t get to use that reason.” I stand up, brushing off the back of my jeans. “We talked about the feud. We weren’t a couple of ten-year-olds. Imean, I know we were young, but we talked about the feud. We made a pros and cons list. We decided it was us against them. So no, you don’t get to blame it on that.”
I walk away.
“Jade?”
“No.” I keep walking.
“The feud was bigger than us.” I hear him gaining on me. “We couldn’t just leave it behind us.”
I spin, and he almost crashes into me. I shove his chest.
“Yes, we could. We planned to go to college together and discover ourselves without them. We were going to be stronger together and come back and stand up to them.”
“But then there was my accident, and college was done for me.”
I shake my head. “That accident was after you bailed on me.” I let out a dry laugh. “Get your lies in order. Shit, what did you think this conversation was going to accomplish?”
“That accident was because I was so distracted after you tossed our book in the trash that I didn’t see the sack coming. I didn’t protect myself. It was almost like I let that hit happen because, deep down, I knew if I took that hit, there was no chance we’d end up at college together.”
“Wow.” I can’t believe him. “You really went all out to keep your distance.”
“Because I was so fucking broken.” His voice is hoarse, stripped bare, every word fraying at the edges.
“You broke us!” I yell. “You did this!”
“I know. Fuck. I know, and I’ve regretted it every single day since.” His fingers twist the leather of his hat.
“Bullshit.” Tears sting my eyes, but I won’t let them fall in front of him.
“I don’t want to fight with you.” He forces a calming tone I can’t match.
“You also don’t want to tell me the truth!”
“You want to know the truth?” Raw pain claws through his question.
I fold my arms over my front, forcing my tone into something cold. “Since the night you walked away.”
“It was me.” His shoulders cave, and in an instant, he’s stripped bare, relief tangling with guilt etching across him.
His jaw trembles, his lips part slightly, and the look he sends me is so vulnerable, I feel my own knees buckle.
“I wasn’t strong enough or brave enough.” His voice shakes as he spits out the words like they’ve festered so long they taste like poison. “I couldn’t protect you the way you needed to be protected. I was too young.”
His chest rises in sharp, uneven bursts, like he can’t hold anything back any longer.
“I walked away because I was scared of what the outcome would be if I stayed.”
He closes his eyes for a moment before opening them to stare at me again, exposed and undone.
“Because I’m a coward, Jade. Me.”
His confession cuts straight through me, shattering something inside me, unraveling me in a way I’ve never experienced.
