Page 118 of Boots, Bucket Lists & Bad Ideas
Which only reminds me that my legs are itchy, and even though we took antihistamines and covered our bodies in calamine lotion, I swear I can still feel them crawling on me.
I want to itch.
I want to scratch.
I want to pull over and rub my body against rough tree bark.
Instead, I bite the jerky, pretending it’ll distract me.
“Are you serious?” Each of his words drips with quiet fury.
As serious as him driving in his briefs, covered in lotion, and numbing his crotch with a bag of ice. As serious as the erection he tried hiding when he exited the bathroom. The one that has nothing to do with me.
I hear myself.
I really do.
And why would I want the very personal thing we experienced to be sexual? I don’t. But I also don’t want it thrown in my face that he’s nailed me once, and the mere thought of a sequel makes him look physically painful.
I take a bite of the jerky, chew, and smile at him. “It’s so good.”
His jaw tightens. “I have lots of good jerky.”
“I’m not interested in Wilde meat. If you know what I mean.”
“For the last time—”
“It was your nervous system. You’ve made it clear I don’t turn you on.”
“I never said that.”
“Uh-huh.” I bite into the jerky. “Maybe concentrate more on the road.”
We hit a bump.
His knees come together like a reflex, like pain hits him in a full-body wave.
“Fuck.” He lets out a strangled noise, somewhere between a grunt and a whimper.
“Can’t seem to get sex out of your mind, can you?” My tone is dry, sounding almost bored.
Farthest from. Exhausted, yes. But my head hasn’t stopped replaying every moment of today.
“But I know”—I hold up my hand—“just not with me.”
“You’re putting words in my mouth—” The ice pack slips, and he scrambles to catch it, but it hits the floor.
With a deep inhale through his nose, he stares straight ahead like the pain has rebooted his brain. “Maybe silence is best.”
That’s all we’ve been doing for over an hour.
Tense, itchy, silent.
So darn itchy.
I change the radio station. He changes it back.
I turn up the volume. He turns it down.
