Page 122 of The Secrets of Lord Grayson Child
Unable to bear looking at her old home, she kept her gaze fixed on his face.
His lips twisted wryly. “I’ve learned through experience to follow my instincts—that they rarely, if ever, guide me wrongly, no matter what my rational mind sometimes thinks—and when it came to this place, from the first time I sat here and looked at it, it seemed to be the answer to my prayers.
“Then I ventured inside and knew beyond question that my instincts hadn’t lied.” He looked at the house. “No matter that I subsequently learned that this was the house your family once owned, the house your father lost through gambling it away, my instincts keep insisting that this is the right place for me to put down roots and thrive.”
He stared at the house a moment more, then simply said, “But I can’t thrive without you, Izzy.”
She’d followed his gaze to the well-remembered façade; she watched it draw nearer as he drove on down the drive.
He drew rein in the forecourt, tied off the reins, and climbed down, then rounded the horses and offered her his hand.
She gripped it, and as he helped her down, he said, “When I first visited, I had no idea it had once been your family home. Since the Extons were here, it’s been through several owners and ended in the care of a bank.”
She looked at the ornate panel above the front door. “And now, you’re thinking of buying it.” He wouldn’t have brought her there otherwise.
She glanced at him.
He was gazing at the house with a longing she recognized, then he met her gaze. “Only if you will be happy living here with me.” He tightly squeezed the hand he held. “But before we get to that, I’ve a confession to make.”
Gray saw wariness seep into her eyes and rushed on, “I have to tell you about my gambling.”
“What?” She stared uncomprehendingly at him. “What gambling?” She swung to face him.
Lips thinning, he took her hands in his and looked down at her slender fingers. “I told you earlier that the scent of adventure lured me to America. What kept me there…wasn’t gambling but the outcome of it.”
He drew in a rapid breath and forged on. “At Matcham House, I told you that after I reached America, over a period of time, I lost all my money. As you might imagine, I’d taken quite a bit with me, and in less than a year, I’d lost it all.” Briefly, he met her eyes. “At the tables, mostly.”
He didn’t try to conceal his self-disgust. “I was a fool. An arrogant, thought-I-knew-my-way-around-the-world fool. My only saving grace was that I came to my senses before I got into impossible debt.”
After a second’s pause, he continued, “I was naive, overconfident, and reckless. And looking back on those months, I would say I was addicted.” He drew a tight breath. “You decreed we should put our pasts to rest, and I agreed, but this is a part of my past that you need to see, to know.”
He finally raised his head and met her shocked gaze. “I didn’t know about your father’s gambling until Therese told me and didn’t truly appreciate the whole until you revealed that he’d made your family destitute through being addicted to gambling.”
Gripping her fingers more tightly, he held her gaze. “After the hardship, heartache, and sorrow your father brought to you and your family, I know gambling has to be a deeply difficult issue for you. On my honor, I swear that since that time—just over a year after I left England, when I found myself without a single cent in my pocket—I haven’t gambled in any way. Not socially, not professionally. Not for anything would I go back to the tables or permit myself to participate in any form of wagering again.”
He paused, then, still holding her gaze, said, “The truth is, after a time, the craving died. I learned my lesson the hard way, but learn it, I did. From having nothing, I clawed my way back to at least existing on my own terms—being able to pay for food and shelter. For years, I lived at that level, until I found that nugget.”
Her fingers curled, gripping his. Sharp and measuring, her gaze searched his face. “That’s why you viewed the nugget as Fate giving you a second chance.”
“That was the only way I could see it, and I knew I had to seize the chance and make the most of it.” He held her gaze. “And I did. That nugget and what grew from it saw me return to England. And it was instrumental in bringing us together again—it created the wealth that made me think I was the target of your exposé.”
Izzy studied his eyes while she absorbed what he’d told her and aligned that with what she knew of the man he now was. “You’ve trusted me with this because you want me to trust you.”
“Not just want—Ineedyou to trust me. I want you as my wife more than I can say, but without trust…without you believing that I would never jeopardize our future, much less the future of the family I want to have with you…” He shook his head and let the sentence trail into silence.
There was a vulnerability in his face she’d never expected to see—not in him—and he was braced in anticipation of…her rejection.
With no further protestations, he stood, silently waiting for her judgment. She read as much in his amber eyes.
She held his gaze. “No one else knows of this, do they?”
He shook his head. “I was ashamed of it at the time. Now…” He lightly shrugged. “I would rather walk barefoot over broken glass than tell Devlin I was such an utter ass.”
“You didn’t have to tell me,” she pointed out.
He frowned. “Of course I did. Given your past with your father, I couldn’tnottell you.”
She finally allowed her expression to soften, her lips to gently curve. “And that, dear Gray”—she freed one hand and cupped his cheek—“is why I believe you. Why I trust you when you say you’ve finished with gambling, now and forever.”
