Page 53 of Chula
“Good enough to get him off?”
“He confessed, Luna. There’s no getting off,” he tells me. I reach up and swipe the tears from my cheeks as I take down the rest of my drink.
“What am I going to do now?”
“You’re going to finish school. You’ve been doing great, and I don’t see that changing.”
“What the hell do you mean? I can’t just sit around and go to school while he’s in prison!”
“You don’t have a choice. This is real life. This is what running with a crew is. You never know what the hell is going to happen. You never know when you’re time is going to come.”
“I want this tattoo gone,” I tell him, pulling my sleeve up so he can see my old crew’s tattoo.
“I have friends. We’ll get that covered,” he says with a smile. I smile back, but this all feels wrong. Being here without Marco feels wrong. My chest hurts, and that ache isn’t going anywhere.
“I can’t believe this is happening.”
“I can. Like I said, this is crew. This is what happens when you’re in.”
“He was saving me, Damion. Rafe would have killed me,” I tell him as he nods his head.
“I do not doubt that. From what the cops said, he’s a real piece of shit. Or was anyway.”
“I never wanted Marco to be involved in that.”
“I know you didn’t. But he’s your man, and that’s what happens. He looks out for you, Luna.”
“I don’t know what to do without him,” I admit once more. This isn’t going to be easy. This isn’t going to be a good time. He’s gone. He’s going to prison whether we like it or not.
“You have enough saved for an apartment?” I nod my head. “Then you move. You start over.”
“Without him?”
“For now. Do you plan on waiting for him?” he asks.
“Of course I do. I love him.” Damion nods his head and sighs.
“I’ll help you move your stuff. We’ll go looking tomorrow. I’d offer to let you stay here, but I know you won’t, and he wouldn’t like it. Visitation is tomorrow, so we can go see him.”
“What time?”
“Ten. For tonight, you can stay here. I don’t want you alone or in that area tonight,” he tells me. I nod my head and thank him, but something just feels wrong. I hate this. All of this. It’s all my fault, and it doesn’t matter what Damion says. I know what I did and didn’t do. I didn’t run. I sat there like a fucking coward and let him take the fall.
“I don’t want to see you go downhill, Luna. And I’m afraid that’s where you’re going.” Damion stands and walks to his room while I sit here with my glass. I stand and head for the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of liquor before taking it back to my room. I drop onto the bed, the same bed that Marco and I slept in the last time we were here. Tears stream down my face as I sit here and drink. In what life did I think this wouldn’t happen? Damion is right. This is crew. This is what you get, and now Marco is going to prison because of me. He must hate me. He probably doesn’t even want to see me at the visitation. And seeing him like that? How am I going to do it? How am I going to sit there and see him behind a fucking glass window?
Sobs slowly begin to shake me as I think about everything that’s happened since we’ve been in New York. Everything fucked up when we moved here. I knew it would. I had no doubts. But staying in Chicago wouldn’t have been any better. Hanging with Rafe would have only caused me more pain and possibly death. Reapers were getting into a lot of shit up there, and that’s not where I wanted to be.
I tip the bottle to my lips and I drink until I can’t feel anything anymore. Then I grab a pillow and blanket and drag them onto the floor to sleep. I can’t lie in that bed knowing he was there. I can’t sleep in the same spot he slept. So I opt for the floor.
I climb down and lie on the pillow, pulling the blanket up over me and clenching my eyes shut.
I want to sleep. I want to sleep and not think, but that isn’t happening. Is there a way to get him out this time? Is there something else I can do? Deep down inside, I know there isn’t, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. And I’d do it again. Even though the thought of what I did for Pete sits heavily in my mind, I’d do it all over again for Marco. To have him here. To have him holding me. At this point, I’d give anything for his touch.
I keep my eyes closed even as tears still spill down my cheeks, but eventually I fall asleep. All I see is what I did. The carnage of what I did for Pete. The bodies on the road, from what the crew did. How do you forget? How do you move on when you’ve done such bad things in life? In such a short time?
Then I see him. Sitting next to me, pleading with me to run. I can see the look in his eyes. The way he knew what was going to happen. He’s looking at me, directly at me, and I see the hurt, the pain, the anger. But he went to jail. For me. He saved me.
Everything swirls in my dream, and all I can see is him sitting in the back of that car. His words ringing in my head. I love you, Chula. Remember that. That’s what he said to me. And I could never forget that. I never want to.
