Page 82 of Holiday Unscripted
“What the fuck does that mean? Of course I know you. How can you say that?” He shrugs. “Things would go faster if you just said what is bothering you and we can—” I don’t finish the sentence because he snorts out angrily.
“We can what?” he snaps. “What can we do?” I don’t know if he’s asking me or telling me. “We can’t do shit.” I see his eyes and they are greener than blue, making them almost look like they are golden. He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back against the counter. “We can’t do shit about shit because this time next week you’ll be getting on a fucking plane and leaving.”
I open my mouth and then close it again. “Well, yeah, considering I don’t live here.”
“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m reminded every fucking day,” he snaps out. “But even knowing it, even telling myself it was just temporary, I fucking did it.”
“What did you do?” I wish the question I just asked him didn’t have me holding my breath. I wish the question I just asked him didn’t have me feeling sick to my stomach. I wish the question I just asked him didn’t have my whole body tight with nerves.
“I said I wouldn’t say it.” He runs his hand through his hair and then holds the back of his head with his hand. “But then I can’t not say it.”
“Whatever it is, you might as well just say it and get it over with,” I push, knowing he’s going to say it’s not a good idea for me to stay here any longer. That whatever this thing is should just be done with. Knowing when he does say those words, my heart is going to shatter and I’m going to have to pretend I’m fine.
“You want me to say it?” he asks and shakes his head. “Fine, I’ll say it.” I hold my breath, not sure what he’s going to say but not ready for the next thing that comes out of his mouth. “I’m in love with you.”
I feel the blood drain from my body. “I’m fucking in love with you and you are going to leave me. I’ve come to realize I have only ever fucking loved you the way I do. I’ve realized I’ve been holding myself back, waiting for you. I didn’t know it until everything just clicked into place. How I would stand back and not give myself to anyone. How I would keep whatever it was I had going on at arm’s length, knowing subconsciously I was waiting for you.”
“Nate,” I say his name, shock filling my body as the doorbell rings and I look down the hall.
“You have to go,” he states. “Go.”
“Nate,” I say his name again at the same time the doorbell rings again.
“There is nothing to say, Elizabeth,” he says softly. “I live here. You live halfway around the fucking world. I can’t do the long-distance thing, not after having you this week. It’ll be fine.” I look into his eyes. “Unlike seven years ago, we both know what is happening.”
The lump in my throat is so big, I don’t even think I would be able to say a word. The doorbell rings again and I feel like I’m stuck to the floor. The doorbell stops and now it’s followed by knocks on the door. “I’m going to go and get that.” He walks around the island and to the front door.
I close my eyes and look down, the first tear falls onto my cheek and I wipe it away as I hear my mother’s voice. “I thought she locked you in a room to stop from going out with me,” she says laughing.
He chuckles, acting like we didn’t just have the most intense conversation of our lives. “I was in the shower.” He makes the excuse. “I think she’s in the kitchen.”
I take a deep inhale, putting my hand to my chest to ease the tightness in it. I exhale a breath before walking into the hallway. “Hi,” my mother greets, looking over at me, the smile on her face fading a bit when she looks into my eyes, but she recovers. “I tried to call you,” she says, looking at Nate, who is looking at me and who I’m avoiding looking at right now. I’m not sure I can take it without the pain showing on my face.
“I have my phone on the charger in the kitchen,” I explain, pointing behind me. “I’ll go get it and we can go.” I walk away from the two of them. I grab my phone that I plugged in while I had a coffee this morning. I tuck it in the back pocket of my jeans and head back to the door.
“Are you going to go and get your things?” my mother asks me, and I look at her confused. “Well, you have to get out of Nate’s hair.”
“I’ll get them later,” I say, hoping she isn’t going to push the issue and I’ll have to pack up my things.
“Okay, we can swing by after shopping and grab your things.” I nod, not willing to get into it with her. I look at Nate. “I’ll see you later.” I don’t know if I’m asking him or telling him, and he just nods his head at me, much like what I did to my mother.
My mother looks between us and doesn’t say anything before she turns and walks out of the house. I step out, wanting to turn back and kiss him, which would make things probably worse for us all.
I get into the car at the same time as my mother, both of us slamming the door at the same time. “So”—she starts the car—“should we do coffee first?”
I look at her and nod my head, knowing that she knows something is up. “I think that’s best.” She pulls away from the house and with each passing minute my heart gets heavier and heavier in my chest. When we get to the small coffee shop, I get out, trying to get my breathing under control, and knowing I’m one second away from a full-on breakdown.
I walk in and head straight for a table. “I’ll order for you,” my mother says to me. I don’t even answer her because of the lump in my throat and anything I say right now I’m pretty sure will come out in a sob. I sit in the back of the coffee shop, looking down at my hands. The bracelet he gave me yesterday slides out of my sweater and I see the heart. My finger goes to touch it at the same time my mother pulls out a chair and sits in front of me.
“They will bring the coffee.” She shrugs off her jacket. “I ordered you a cupcake, but I don’t think that is going to make you feel better.”
I smile and snort a little. “I don’t think a cupcake can fix this.”
“What is this?” she asks me and I look up at her.
“It’s…” I start to say and then stop when I feel my bottom lip quiver. “It’s—” I exhale. “I’m in love with Nate.” I look up and exhale again. “Oh God.”
“My beautiful girl,” she says and I’m expecting her to freak out, but she smiles at me and holds out her hand on the table, putting it on mine, “we already knew that.”
