Page 68 of Holiday Unscripted
“That would be pretty hard to explain.” I chuckle and sit next to her. “Definitely can’t be like, ‘it’s not what it looks like.’” I chuckle with her. “Do you really want to hit up the Christmas market?” I cut a piece of sausage.
She nods her head. “I do, and now I have an extra gift to buy.” She looks at me and I laugh.
“I know a couple things you could give me off the top of my head.”
“I’ve already done most of those things,” she jokes, “unless we get a whole box of toys and really have a party.”
“I wonder if there are any Christmas sex toys?” I ask her and her eyes go big as she takes out her phone. “What are you doing?”
“I’m looking up sex toys for Christmas.” She looks over at me. “Once I was in Paris and there was a vibrator shaped like the Eiffel Tower.” I open my mouth in shock. “It came in different colors also.” She types something is her phone. “Okay, here are a couple of things.” She takes a bite of her breakfast. “You ready?”
“I’m not sure anyone is ready for this,” I admit to her, “but here we are.”
“Okay, stocking stuffers, anal plugs.”
I look over at her. “I could do that.”
“Could you?” she asks me.
“I mean, it’d be hot knowing you were sitting in front of me with a plug.”
She laughs. “I was thinking the same. Sitting down to have Christmas dinner and seeing you wince.” I laugh.
“Okay, so that’s out.” I shovel more food in my mouth. “What’s next?”
“Santa’s sex position coupons,” she reads and I nod my head in agreement. “Twelve sex games of Christmas.”
“We are like one day out, so we’ll have to do triple every day.”
“That goes on the maybe list, then.” She takes another bite. “Under-the-mistletoe-sex dice.”
I laugh at her. “I don’t even know what that means.”
“Well, it says Keep Christmas Slutty.” She laughs. “It’s a roll of the dice that says suck dick, fuck like dogs, grind genitals, or fuck like rabbits.”
“We already do all of that.”
“True that. Ohhh I should get this for the bridesmaids.” She turns the phone so I can see. “Reindeer or Santa nipple pasties.”
I snort and move my finger up, swiping the screen. “That’s it,” I say, “a candy cane vibrator.” She turns to look at it. “Add to cart.” I shake my head. “I’ll surprise you.”
“Please do. I wonder if they sell boxers that have the mistletoe right on the dick area.”
“Ohh”—she points at me—“I’m going to get that for my dad and Jack, just to make them feel really uncomfortable.”
“Your mother would die.” I can’t help but laugh. “Or she might thank you.”
“Eeew,” she says, “I’m done eating. I don’t want to think my parents still do that.”
“They’ve been together for a long time, I’m going to say they have a healthy sex life.”
“Nate,” she hisses my name, “I’m going to need you to shut the fuck up right now.”
I can’t help but laugh at her. “I’m going to take a shower and get ready for the day.”
“But I cooked,” I remind her as she walks out of the kitchen. “Who cooked doesn’t clean.”
“You should have thought about that before you opened your mouth,” she quips.
