Page 121 of Between Desire and Denial
Once he had enough composure, I told him what I knew, told him how I’d confronted our father, and he winced.
“I shouldn’t have taken a hit from him. I shouldn’t have tested anything for them, but I knew the product and… It was dumb. I’d been doing better.” Knox admitted that the Irish had told them their drugs were clean, and my dad literally had Knox try them on their way back from the city.
“I’m going to get out of town,” Knox murmured. “For a few days. Jameson stopped by the hospital right as I was about to bereleased. Sounds like he’s about to have it out with the Irish. I got security on me till then.”
“He thinks it’s that dangerous?” I glanced down the road.
“I think it’s mostly dangerous for Dad since the board is going to vote to approve whatever companies Dimitri would like in his office building tomorrow.”
“That’s good, right?” I said slowly, not sure where he stood right at that moment.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “It’s going to be all good.”
I wasn’t sure he thought so, but I didn’t want to overwhelm him, so I focused on something small. “Should we go inside? Leave my mess of a porch?”
“Dimitri do this?” he asked, pointing to the broken wood.
“Unfortunately, he’s not much of a handyman.” I chuckled.
“Doesn’t look like handiwork. Looks like demolition work.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you.” My brother took a sip of the water he had in his bottle. “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with Esme, and I fucked up my whole life because of it. We cause destruction when we think our hearts are in jeopardy of being broken.”
I froze at his confession and looked up at him. “Wait. Did you say you love Esme?” He nodded and smiled a little. He looked so young and innocent when he did. “She’s such a beautiful and nice girl, Knox.” I hoped this was his step in the right direction.
“She’s dating again. Not me. Went to get coffee with a guy recently.” His jaw worked up and down. “I’m not going to freak out anymore, though. I’m sorry I did and made the wrong-ass decision with Dad.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“It is. I was mad about her, and then, damn, I don’t know. Just didn’t care in the moment.” He sighed. “I should haveanswered when you called too. Didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want you worrying.”
I chose honesty rather than white lies. “I’m always going to worry about you.”
“Yeah, I know. I worry about me a lot too.” He flexed his hand over and over on his water jug, a sign I was getting used to understanding as his nervous movement. “You think Esme will talk to me again if I go to rehab and therapy?”
“Is that the only reason you’d go?” I asked softly.
He grunted. “No. I’m gonna go either way.”
“That’s good. That’s really good, Knox.” The words I’d wanted to hear so badly hit me hard. “Can I ask one thing of you?”
“You name it.”
“Don’t ever go back to those men again, and if Dad or Georgette calls—”
“I won’t be answering. I don’t think they’re worried about us, honestly. They’re worried about the Irish. It looked like he cleared out a lot from our house.”
To think that man had left his family, his son and daughter, to flee like the coward he was.
“Right… So,” I cleared my throat and sat up a bit straighter. “I’m going to go to therapy with you if that’s okay. I’m so mad at our father, I don’t think I’ll get over it otherwise.” I grabbed his hand to stop his nervous movement. “Please say yes.”
“If I said no, what would you do?”
“Still go.”
“Right.” He rolled his eyes. “Guess that’s what siblings are for.”
