Page 73 of Between Never and Forever
Did he feel it? Was he moved too?
“You’re truly breathtaking, heartbreaker,” he whispered, and those words alone coming from him almost moved me to tears.
“Thank you. I think it’s coming along.” I didn’t know how to take his compliment about such an intimate song that shared my heart. “I’m thinking maybe if I get a few props…maybe a chair like you have in the room of my suite. Do you think it’ll work for everyone?”
Yet, it must have been the wrong thing to say because he stood abruptly, and his tone came out clipped. “Yep. Of course it will foreveryone. When did you write this?”
“After you left.”
“You’ve never sung it on stage.” His words were stilted, and his movements were too. Instead of walking toward me, he backed away, up the aisle toward the theater doors.
“How do you know that?”
“Because I know too fucking much about you, Kee,” he bellowed and threw up his hands. “Jesus, you wrote our love into so much and fucking skyrocketed to the top, didn’t you?”
“What?” The harsh accusation was the opposite of what I’d thought we’d be discussing right then. “I never used this song to—”
“It’s on an album, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but not like this, not just me and the—”
“Then you used it.” He pulled at his neck and looked toward the crown molding of the theater, so beautiful and ornate in its architecture I was sure his brother had designed it. “It’ll be good for the show. Hell, I almost cried listening to it even if I don’t give a shit about it anymore.”
“It’s not for the show, Dex. You think I sang that for…” I couldn’t even finish. “I lost you just like you lost me. Don’t you see that? Your pain isn’t isolated or singular. I’ve been broken since the moment you left.”
“Do you think I wanted to leave?” His voice cut through the air, his eyes blazing with agony. “Jesus, I didn’t know how to cope with losing you again, so I walked away that time. And you were leaving, Kee. Don’t fucking tell me you weren’t. You were going back to your career whether you begged me to stay or not.”
“I…” How could I respond when he was right? “My heart has always belonged to you, Dex. But I have responsibilities to—”
“A career? Your fans?”
To my family. To my mother. To my father. To problems I didn’t know how to make him understand, nor would they be problems I would use as an excuse. Plus, I knew how I allowed my father to continue doing what he was doing showed how spineless I’d become. “Something like that.”
He hummed like he didn’t believe me, like it wasn’t good enough even if he did believe me. Then, he nodded over and over. “I don’t know what’s real and what’s not with you, Kee. You’re larger than life, and then you’re still…”
“Me?” I grabbed at the end of his sentence, wanting him to understand. “I’m just me.”
Wiping one of his hands over his face, I saw how he tried to wipe away his emotions too. “But I don’t knowyouanymore. You’re hiding too much.”
“Okay. Fair. I don’t know you either,” I threw back, and suddenly I felt anger at that statement. “Becauseyouleft too. And I was broken just the same. I still am!” I gasped at the words and felt the tears sting my eyes before I blinked them away. “I can barely breathe when I think of what you went through and how I couldn’t go through it with you. Kyle was—”
“Kyle was irresponsible, and he shouldn’t have—”
“He was your friend, Dex. You lost your friend that night, and I know you blame yourself, but you saved me and Dimitri and you looked for Gabriella. Have you talked to anyone about—”
“There’s no need.” He stepped back as he blinked hard, and I saw how all the emotions drained from his face. “I’m aware of what happened that night, Keelani. We’ve grown up with trauma like many.”
“That doesn’t mean we should ignore it.”
He looked up at the ceiling and then around the space, keeping his gaze anywhere but mine. “I’m not ignoring it. I’m moving on.” He said it in a way where I knew he was packing it up in a box to put away. “Do you have everything for your concert?”
“That’s what you want to talk about now?” I crossed my arms.
“I’ll be busy over the next few weeks. Don’t expect me to be available. Your show should be taken care of.”
“You won’t be there?” I didn’t know why my voice sounded desperate. It wasn’t like he’d ever attendedjustto see me. There was no reason for him to do so now either I supposed.
“Keelani Hale, you’re a star. You don’t need me in the crowd. You have your fans, your career, everything you wanted.” With that, he spun on his heel, walked up the aisle, and shoved through the doors. They slammed shut behind him, closing me off from what I thought our relationship could become.
