Page 98 of Between Love and Loathing
“You’re blushing, cupcake.”
“I am not.” She spun and went to sit back on the couch. “Go back to your work.”
Instead, I walked over, tipped her book up so I could read the title and then started typing it into my phone.
“Wh-what are you doing?” she stuttered out.
“Downloading the book to my Kindle.”
“What for?!” She jumped up and tried to snatch it away, but I held it out of reach.
“I want you looking at me like that soon. Means I’ve got to read what’s in that book.”
She groaned and plopped down onto the couch. “Whatever, Dominic. It will be good research for whoever you decide to bother with your time after the reopening.”
“Is that so?” I chuckled to avoid thinking seriously about her leaving. Didn’t she understand she’d changed everything in my life? That I wouldn’t be able to go back to what I was before her? She’d waltzed in quietly, hoping not to be a disruption, but she’d been a beautiful tornado of change.
She was with me most of the day, challenging me, questioning me, conversing with me in a way I never knew I wanted. When life was comfortable, pushing into the unknown was difficult, especially when the unknown had hurt before. I hadn’t wanted a relationship before her, would have sworn my life was fine without it. Now, my heart beat much too fast thinking of her leaving.
“Remember, Clara. I don’t date,” I said it to remind myself too.
She sighed. “Right. Me neither. No dating and no marriage. That’s why these books are nice. I get to have the romance for a bit.”
“I…” I snapped my mouth shut. For some reason, her not wanting to date me didn’t sit well with me. I waited for her to elaborate, but she didn’t. “You’re reading romance?” Didn’t I romance her enough?
“Yes.” She shrugged. “Anyway, they also can teach you a thing or two about how to satisfy your partner for once.”
Teach me? My head snapped up from my desk, and I caught her smirking. “Hm, very funny. If you need a reminder of how I satisfy the fuck out of you, keep it up.”
“You’re a very accommodating fake boyfriend.” She laughed, trying to keep the conversation light but her bringing up the fake part of it was a sour reminder for me.
“With the Pacific reopening, we’ll be dealing with a lot of publicity.”
She stared at me. “Safe to assume Natya will be there?”
“Along with my family, potentially yours if you invite them, and most noteworthy reporters.”
“If you’re concerned I won’t be ready—”
“I’m not…” How did I say I didn’t want her to be ready? That I didn’t even fucking want to go? That was the point of our whole charade but it didn’t feel like the point at all anymore. “You don’t have to deal with this publicity if you don’t want to.”
“Why would I not want to?” She frowned at me. “I’m upholding my end of the bargain, Dominic. It won’t be that hard. I’ll open the bakery, get ready, and be on your arm. No problem.”
I took my eyeglasses off and rubbed at my face. “Right. No fucking problem,” I grumbled. I should have pushed her more to see everything that could go wrong but I was focused on something else. “Why don’t you want to be married? And why don’t you really date anyone, Clara?”
“Probably the same reason you don’t.”
“Natya broke my trust. You know that. Did someone break yours?”
She chuckled but the sound was sad. “Maybe my family did. I never really tried hard to date because my mother wanted it so badly for me that I think I avoided it. Why would I want to fall in love the way she did just so that someone can ruin my heart the way hers was?”
“Fair.” I hummed. It made sense. Still, I said, “What if they won’t ruin your heart though?”
“Would you take a chance on someone else after Natya? She hurt you, right? So, tell me. Is it worth it?”
Yes. In my heart, looking at her, the answer was a loud, resoundingyes. And that scared me. “No. Natya ruined me.”
“And the idea of ruin has ruined me too.”
