Page 64 of Between Love and Loathing
Even as he nodded, I knew it wasn’t.
My words shook me back to reality, reminded me that this was all a facade, that we might want her to believe it, but I’d better stop what I was doing because I was starting to believe it too.
Instead of inviting Dominic back over that day, I told him I had work to do. I tried to build up a barrier between us. I tried to be just a fake girlfriend because being a real one wasn’t an option.
CLARA
He never mentioned Natya again, but I still thought about it every single day when he came to sit in my bakery the next week.
Especially when my sister’s text came through.
Anastasia: I’ve been calling you. You didn’t tell me you were dating him. Are you really? Call me back. Please.
Was it sad that I wanted to actually do it? To bridge the gap between us somehow. And I gave into it, dialing her number with a shaky hand and a heart full of hope.
“Clara.” Her voice sounded cheery. “Is it true? I was on socials and got a million DMs this week about you two.”
“Yeah, well, they’re making it bigger than it is.”
“Did he really get in a fight for you?” she whispered like we were conspiring together, two sisters just sharing gossip, and I smiled.
“It was mostly my fault.”
“Then, it’s totally true,” she exclaimed, and I heard the excitement in her voice. “We have to come visit you. It’d be so fun.”
I sighed. We’d gone over this before. “I know. It’s just—”
“I’ll visit soon. Don’t worry about Mom. I know how that’s hard for you.” She said it with emotion. “Everything’s been so crazy lately. It’s no wonder you felt all this stress, and I’m sorry because I’ve been stressed too.”
When the weight that’s been suffocating you gets lifted by a sibling, the feeling of relief is euphoric. Someone who loves you took the burden and removed it, hurried to help you get rid of it. It’s that feeling of being loved that blinds you.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
She went on and on about how she wanted to come visit, how she wouldn’t talk to our mother about it, and how it’d be wonderful. She didn’t give me dates, but I felt connected to her again, felt happy, carefree.
It was a dangerous place to be. Then she said she was handing over the phone to Mom and to be prepared because she was on some sort of new mission. I smiled. With Anastasia on my side, Mother was manageable. Even though, my mother had already texted me to try harder to look better in magazines, especially if I was going to be compared to someone like Natya. The insult was there, I just chose to ignore it.
Dominic seemed to ignore all the magazines and news about us. He just worked quietly every morning, and every time I asked him if he wanted to taste test anything of mine, he said no. I’d nearly perfected the menu and was excited to have anyone try anything. “Want a poppy cupcake again? I’ll make them special for you.”
“No poppy cupcakes, cupcake,” he responded and went on drinking his black coffee with his black soul that never ate any sweets.
Every day, I tried to rush to work before he’d arrive. I’d purchased a secondhand bike and was making an effort to bicycle in rather than Uber to save on costs.
Of course, he got there before me nearly every day, but I set my bike around the corner, rearranged my dress, and walked through the lobby. Unfortunately, on that fine morning, Dominic arrived at exactly the same time. “You’re bicycling into work from where you live?”
I sighed, “Just trying to stay in shape.”
I said it as I started massaging a part of my neck that had been giving me pain over the last few days. He stepped close and immediately started rubbing there for me. “You’re a terrible liar.”
I moaned at how good his hands felt, allowing myself a minute of it before waving us on to get to work. He didn’t say much about it until we were about to leave for the day. “I’ll give you a ride,” he announced. “It’s dark.”
“Oh… that’s okay.” I scrambled for an excuse. The longer I was near him, the more I wanted him, the more I thought about his hands on me, the more I wished I could invite him into my bed again. “I’m not sure my bicycle will fit in your car. I’ll need it to get to work in the morning.”
That was believable, right?
“If you don’t take the ride, I’ll follow you home instead. My sisters have made it quite clear how dangerous it is for a woman alone at night.”
Another angle. “I can take care of myself.”
