Page 17 of Married to Murder
I frowned. “You wouldn’t expect sex or anything, right?” With my past, the idea of being under anyone’s control, especially when it came to sex, was gut-wrenching. I wouldn’t be able to handle that.
He widened his eyes, looking horrified. “What? God, no. I mean, if you want to fuck, I’m more than willing. But that isn’t in any way a requirement of this.”
My face warmed. “Okay. I just wanted to know your expectations.”
He stepped closer, his eyes searching. “My expectation is that you would live your life how you want, and I’d do the same. We’d live together because otherwise no one would believe our act. But you’d still be your own person, Seth. I don’t want to own you. I just have this fucking predicament, and you’re someone I would enjoy being around. We’d be helping each other out.”
When he put it like that, it sounded better to me. I liked the idea of helping him. “You wouldn’t try and control me?”
“No.”
A sheepish smile touched my lips. “I mean, we can fuck if you want.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Yeah?”
“I just enjoy my freedom.”
“Me too. Or I wouldn’t be in this predicament.” He sighed. “We can have the best of both worlds, Seth.”
“It almost seems too good to be true,” I mused. It felt surreal to actually consider marrying him. But he had a point about it making my life better financially. Of course, I was also guilty. He’d made this offer to me not knowing anything about my past. He’d probably never have given me the time of day if he knew I’d been a drug addict and whore. Shame nipped at me, and I opened my mouth to try and tell him he needed to know something about me. Something horrible. Something unforgivable. But I couldn’t make myself speak. My throat was as dry as the desert, and I closed my mouth.
“This kind of opportunity won’t come around again, Seth. You should grab it.”
Part of me was ashamed for not telling him about my past. But another part of me felt like maybe if I just kept my dirty secret to myself, I’d get a happy ending like other people. I wasn’t that desperate kid anymore, so why should my past matter? It wasn’t anyone’s business. I deserved to be happy, didn’t I? I’d tried to make up for my sins by living a good life. Gordon had rescued me, and I’d been careful to never hurt anyone or be a bad person since.
“So… what do you say, Seth.” His voice was husky as he studied my face. “Want to be my pretend husband?”
This was the moment of truth. Was I going to stay hidden in my shell and eke out a living for the rest of my life, or was I going to take this insane opportunity that had fallen in my lap? He was right when he said something like this wouldn’t come along again. It shouldn’t have come to me this time even.
I rubbed my face roughly, feeling scared but kind of excited too. “I… I can’t even believe this is happening.”
“I know. Me neither. But I kind of feel like a miracle occurred. I was so depressed and upset today, and then I wandered into your little shop and my whole day turned around.” He grimaced and laughed. “Hell, maybe my whole life.”
I lifted my chin, ignoring the little voices that whispered I was a horrible, deceitful scumbag. For some reason the universe had gifted me, and I was going to take it. Marrying Tanner was a terrifying idea, but taking in his worried expression, I felt like what I was doing was right.
“What’s it going to be, Seth? Yes or no?”
I sucked in a big, shaky breath. “I uh… I guess… yeah. Yeah, I’ll marry you, Tanner.”
He crossed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. “Thank you, Seth. Jesus, this is unbelievable. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
“Just under the wire, eh?” I made a joke, hoping to release some tension.
He kissed me, and then he said happily, “Yeah, this was a photo finish.”
I smiled and tried to look cheerful. After all, that was one of the things he liked about me, right? My positive, optimistic outlook on life. He didn’t need to know that deep down I felt like a fraud. I’d do my best to be a good friend and maybe even lover to him. Maybe then I’d feel less despicable for lying to him. Maybe.
Chapter Six
Tanner
“Now, just be yourself.” I winced when Seth gave me a look that said I was hoping for too much. “It’s only natural my parents and grandma want to meet you before the wedding.”
He glanced around uneasily. “Yeah. If we were a real couple, I wouldn’t have a problem with it either.”
“I know.” I opened my car door, and he did the same. “They’re just curious to see what you’re like.”
“You did say we didn’t have to pretend for them, right?”
