Page 145 of Already At Risk
So whileyes, there were signs, andyes, there were moments when I felt, in my bones, that we were so much more than we were pretending to be, I hadn’tknown. Not for sure.
“This isn’t what you wanted.” Cameron’s deep voice broke through my thoughts, and I opened to find him staring intently at me. “I realize that. I know you wanted someone to fuck you, and you never asked for someone to fall for you, but…” He shrugged, like there was nothing he could do about it.
“Cameron,” I choked out, not sure what to do with the emotions building inside me. I placed my hand over his on my cheek, feeling some desperate need to cling to his touch. It was what we’d been using to communicate for so long, and I’d been relying on it instead of words to convey how I felt about him.
And he understood, nodding. He always, somehow, understood.
He’d talk for us right now. Until I could, until I was ready.
“I know you didn’t want to dive back into a relationship that moved too quickly,” he acknowledged. “But Natalie, if you let me…I’d like to move really slow with you. I’d like to move at whatever pace you want, just so long as I get to be with you. And I don’t really want to wait months to do that, but the only way that’ll work is if I’m no longer your lawyer.”
That hope that had been bubbling in my chest for the last week suddenly expanded, ready to burst right out of me and live out in the open, finally.
“You want that?” I breathed.
“Oh, baby.” Cameron’s lips spread in a gentle but unavoidablesmile. Like the thought alone of being together threatened all his restraint. “I want it so fucking bad. You have no idea.”
A tingle ran down my spine and spread, making me feel like I was sitting on pins and needles. Like maybe I should get up and dance instead.
“I really wanted to end this custody case by your side,” he continued, brushing his thumb back and forth over my cheekbone. “It kills me to give up the opportunity to personally crush Korey in court. But I like the idea of being by your side in a different way much, much more. If you’ll let me.”
“Cameron, I…” I shook my head, flailing as I tried to piece together my thoughts. He’d jumbled them all up with his words. So many perfect, heart-stopping words. “I don’t know what to say.”
The corner of his mouth went up and down, like he was nervous and wasn’t sure what emotions to convey. But Cameron was never nervous, and I suddenly realized how crucial it was that I reassure him, that I do a better job offindingwhat to say.
“I like you,” I managed, a threadbare whisper. It wasn’t beautiful prose or well thought out, but it was the truth. “A lot, Cameron. In a really big, scary way.”
Cameron used his other hand to cup my other cheek, and I realized tears had leaked from my eyes when he brushed something away beneath them. He gave me an encouraging smile, his eyes roving over me like he was afraid I might vanish or that I’d take my words back. He stared at me like he was struggling to believe that I’d said that, and maybe he understood why I’d been so speechless, too. Why finding words was hard when you heard ones you never expected.
Finally, he said, “I like you in a really big, scary way, too.”
I swallowed before confessing, “I have since that first night. At Mulligan’s.” He nodded, like he knew. “I’ve always just been…scared. And I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize for that.” Cameron dropped his hands and then leaned back again, like he suddenly rememberedwe were still in his office. “It killed me when you ran away, but I understood.” His lips twisted wryly. “Didn’t stop me from thinking about you every fucking day, though.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated.
I thought about him, too. So much.
“Stop,” he muttered, giving me a look I didn’t dare disobey. “No more apologies, Sunshine.”
“Okay,” I said, because it was all I could think to say.
Cameron stood, leaning against his desk again, this time resting on his palms, which he planted on either side of his hips. I found myself roving my gaze over him, wondering how this man truly existed and how eager I suddenly was to make him mine.
When my slow perusal made it to his face, I got trapped in his hot gaze. He raised a brow, like he knew what I was thinking.
I felt feverish, with the warmth spreading over my cheeks.
“I’m going home this weekend,” he said after a moment, clearing his throat. “To see my family. Why don’t you take a few days to think about the case and everything else, okay? We can talk on Monday, maybe?”
“Sure, I’d like that.”
I didn’t really like it. I wanted to confirm everything with him right now, draw lines to make things incredibly clear after so many weeks of the lines feeling blurred. In my gut, I knew he was right. About everything he’d said regarding Korey and the case and how awful it would be to pretend like we didn’t mean anything to each other. I knew he was also right that I should take the time to think everything through. It was the smart thing. And I promised myself that I’d do the smart things this time around.
“Maybe I could take you out to dinner? To chat about it or just…because,” Cameron ventured, chewing on his bottom lip. “If you want.”
Oh, nervous Cameron was adorable. It made me want tosqueal.
