Page 66 of Already At Risk
Every time a name flashed onto the screen of my phone, I hoped that it was Natalie’s. And then when it wasn’t, immediate disappointment washed over me. Which then sometimes turned to guilt, especially in instances, such as now, when the person whowascalling me was my mom.
“Hey, honey!” she greeted, and I could hear the smile in hervoice. “I don’t want to bother you at work, but I just have a quick question.”
“You’re not bothering me,” I assured her extra forcefully, maybe because of the aforementioned guilt. “I was just about to take a break to get lunch anyway.”
That was a lie.
I wasn’t planning on taking a break to get lunch. I usually ate at my desk and worked through lunch.
“Oh, good.” She sounded relieved, which made the guilt worsen. I should really take the initiative to call her more often. “They’re not working you too hard?”
Genuine worry wavered in her voice, put there because she knew how hard my dad had worked as a lawyer before he passed. She knew the toll this job could take, but I didn’t want her thinking too much about it.
“Of course not,” I said.
I’d spent a portion of my morning preparing for the deposition with Korey Abrams tomorrow, but it wasn’t my only upcoming deposition, so I’d switched over to review other cases a bit ago.
I was trying to strike a balance, and truth be told, it wasn’t exactly working. I badly wanted to prove to Natalie that I had her case under control, especially in the wake of our new agreement, meaning I’d probably spent too much time on it and on her. But the reality was that I still had more than a number of other cases I should be dedicating my time to, cases that Daphne would notice if I let them fall through the cracks.
“How’s that production going that you’ve been working on?” I asked.
“Oh, we don’t need to talk about that right now,” my mom replied, as expected. Before I could try to convince her that Iwantedto talk about it right now, she moved on. “Are you free June twenty-fifth? It’s during the week, so I know you might be busy, but if you think you could take a night off work, I wanted to surprise Tony and Jay with tickets to a game at Fenway. You guyshaven’t had some quality time together in a while, and I think it would be good for both of them. Maybe they could spend a night in Boston. You know, get your grandfather out of the house for a bit.”
I chuckled because I knew exactly what was happening.
“Is Pops restless and it’s driving you up a wall?”
There was a slight pause before she gave in.
“Oh my God,yes,” my mom groaned, a release of exasperation. “You know I love that man like he was my own father, but I just cannot talk to him about the weather or baseball stats anymore, Cameron. He keeps interrupting my smutty Sundays.”
I choked on air at my mom’s comment, laughing. I might have gotten my love of books from her, but that didn’t mean I wanted to discuss our taste in them.
“He and your uncle still act like they need to take care of me,” my mom continued, and I shook myself out of my head. “But I’mfine.”
My dad’s family really took my mom, my sister, and me under their wing after the car accident, and they’d been there for my mom ever since. Sometimes a bit too much, it would seem.
I leaned back in my chair, flicking through my digital calendar, which had already been open on my computer.
“I can clear my calendar that night, Mom,” I confirmed. “I’d be happy to catch a ball game and take Pops and Uncle Tony off your hands for a night.”
“Oh, good.” Her heavy sigh rushed through the speaker. “I’m very grateful for them. You know I am.”
“I know you are, Mom,” I reassured with a chuckle. “It’d be fun catching a game with them, though. Like old times.”
“Thank you, Cameron.” The relief in her voice was hard not to notice. “I know you’re busy, so I appreciate it. Your uncle and grandfather will, too. You know we’re really proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished, right?”
“I know, Mom.”
I stared at my desk, at the pens and papers scattered across itafter the morning I’d had. I was scatterbrained, jittery with the anticipation of seeing Natalie tonight. And for the second time in a short while, guilt entered my bloodstream, and my eyes wandered to the photos on my bookshelf—to my parents, Collins, Pops, all of them.
My family had only ever supported me. They were my biggest cheerleaders, and I would never take that for granted.
But they also pushed me to succeed in a way that meant I didn’t know hownotto succeed. I’d been high achieving from the day we took our math minute madness quiz in elementary school and I got the top score in the class. And the more I accomplished, the more it felt like I had to keep accomplishing, so I didn’t let them—or anyone—down.
My dad had been so successful in his career, before it had been cut short. And a part of me felt likebecauseit was cut short, it was up to me to continue it. And while I knew my family wouldn’t disown me or anything like that if I didn’t get this promotion, it still felt like they expected me to be the man they lost.
Or maybeIjust wanted to be the man that they lost, wanted to become everything that he’d been. I wanted tobe therefor my family, like he had been.
