Page 132 of Already At Risk
I knew what he’d said was right; I didn’tneedhim. I would have managed through the night without him. But I also knew that I would have woken up this morning feeling a hell of a lot more broken if he hadn’t been here to put my pieces back together again.
Yesterday was one of the most traumatic shifts I’d ever worked.
Dealing with trauma was my job. It was, quite literally, part of the job title. And there was a part of me that had grown desensitized to it over the years. Not necessarily a good thing, but it was the truth, and it took a lot to break me. Blood, broken bones, burns—I’d seen it all.
But last night…there was justsomuch. It wasn’t one devastating injury; it was a never-ending cycle of them. It wasn’t over, either. Today, I had to be ready to dive right back into it all.
And while, sure, there was an ache of loneliness this morning, if Ihadn’thad Cameron last night, I’d feel even worse waking up. He’d known what I needed, and he didn’t hesitate in giving it to me, even after I tried to push him away downstairs.
And then there was the shower. The sex. The kisses in my hair. His words before I fell asleep, the ones I’d badly needed to hear.
I’d had no idea about the accident with his parents. And now that I did, I was so glad I trusted my gut and let him stay. Because I think he needed it, too. Inadvertently hurting Cameron would have only made all this worse; it was something Ineverwanted to do.
Last night felt like proof that our relationship was shifting—crossing a line, moving from a place with distinct boundaries and rules to something lawless and without borders. And I didn’t know what to do about it.
“Mom?”
Chloe’s quiet voice broke through my thoughts. She cracked the door open, her movements soft and tentative—something I was sure was very hard for her.
“I’m here, honey,” I said, rolling to the edge of my bed before remembering I was naked. So I rushed to add, “Just give me one second, okay?”
Chloe paused, and I searched the ottoman at the foot of the bed frantically. I remembered throwing my robe on it when rushing to leave the house yesterday.
Finding and slipping it on, I went to meet my daughter by the door, opening it wider. She smiled at me, again with an odd,slight hesitation. I suspected she knew that I was going to tell her I had to go back to work, and she wasn’t looking forward to it. But I gave her an encouraging grin anyway and ushered her down the stairs for breakfast. Chloe peered around the living room at the bottom of the steps, clear curiosity in her gaze.
“Where’s Cameron?”
“Oh, he left last night, sweetie. After I got home.”
And after a shower, sex, and cuddling. My insides flipped at the memories. I’d never been treated like that before. When I locked myself in the bathroom to cry after shifts while married to Korey, he’d never once come to check on me. He let me grieve alone, whereas Cameron wouldn’t even allow the possibility. I had a feeling that if I locked him out, he’d break down the door to get in.
“Oh.”
Chloe nodded, but clear disappointment swirled on her face. Which caused me to blurt, “He wondered if maybe you wanted to go to work with him today, though.” Chloe’s eyes—no, herentireface—lit up. “I have to go back to the hospital, but if you wanted?—”
“Yes!”
“It might be a little boring. You know that, right?” I said, making sure she understood what she was getting into. “Cameron has an important job with a lot of things to get done, and he might not have time to hang out with you much.”
I wanted Chloe to slow her thought process a little bit, think about this, but it was likely a lost cause. Just like I was.Ishould slow down.Ishould be thinking more about how excited Chloe was to spend time with Cameron, how she’d been looking for him this morning, how Cameron had said last night that she was suspicious, andshit. Yeah, we were both going down roads that might lead to hurt, which was exactly what I hadn’t wanted.
But it was too late for that today. I’d already dangled the opportunity in front of her, and I couldn’t take it away now.
“I’ll bring my book!” Chloe announced, rushing upstairs toget it, I was sure. “And my tablet!” She was still shouting when she made it to the top of the stairs. “And my own snacks!”
I laughed, shaking my head, wishing my heart felt a little less like it was going to explode.
It had happened, hadn’t it?
Chloe was attached.
I was attached.
But I couldn’tquiteget myself to feel bad about it. Couldn’tquiteget myself to believe that doom was really on the horizon, even if logic might say it was.
Instead, when I picked up my phone to text Cameron about taking my daughter to work, all I could feel was that lingering dose of hope.
Too bad it wouldn’t last for long.
