Page 124 of Already At Risk
Natalie swallowed hard at my response, her eyes glistening.
“I love them,” she breathed, studying the flowers a moment longer before dropping her gaze to her tea. She blew on it, took a tentative sip, and then looked back to me. “Thank you.”
I smiled at her and thought about mentioning the sunflower seeds we’d planted but decided to let Chloe do it. I might have decided on the kind of flower, but the idea had been Chloe’s. And she deserved to have a part in the surprise.
Busying myself with preparing coffee for the next morning, I gave Natalie space as she drank her tea. Every sip seemed to be bringing more life back into her, but her demeanor was still shuttered. A wall that didn’t usually exist between us stood erect, and I wanted to give it a chance to fall before I had to knock it down. Because I refused to let Natalie suffer alone tonight.
When the tea was gone, the coffee was prepped, and Natalie’s head was drooping lower and lower, I gently urged, “Let’s get you upstairs.”
Natalie nodded, and I thought she might let me help her, but then she abruptly stood, though a bit unsteady on her feet, wincing.
She was sore. Of course she was sore. That was probably the first time she’d sat down since she left the house over sixteen hours ago.
“I got it.” She waved me away. “You should go home and get some rest. I’m really sorry, I should have said that a half hour ago.”
Not a chance.
“I wouldn’t have gone a half hour ago, and I don’t plan on going now.”
Her lips pressed into a line. “I appreciate you babysitting Chloe, but you don’t—you don’t need to babysit me. I’m okay.”
Ignoring the pang in my chest, I considered her. “Areyou?”
She was making it hard for me to believe that was true.
Natalie didn’t answer the question. And when she spoke, she looked at the ceiling, like she couldn’t bear to look at me. “I’ve been dealing with terrible nights and terrible shifts for years on my own, Cameron.”
And that thought alone broke my fucking heart. Did she not realize that?
I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself steady for her. “I know you’re capable of spending tonight on your own. I know you can take care of yourself. But is that what youwant?”
If I went home right now, I’d spend the entire night worrying about her while trying not to get sucked back into my own grief. But if she insisted that I leave, I would. Because this had never been the plan, and I was well aware of it. Natalie knew it, too, and I suspected she was struggling with that.
Natalie was still blinking at the ceiling.
The plan can change, baby. Let’s change the plan. Let me be here for you.
When she didn’t respond, I couldn’t take it any longer. “I don’t want to leave you like this, Natalie,” I said, my voice low, grave, pleading. “Please don’t push me away.”
Her face crumpled as she lowered it again. “I’m not—I’m sorry, Cameron. It’s just today was—” She broke off with a choked sob, pressing her hand to her mouth, and I moved in closer, wanting,needingfor her to let me hold her.
“I know,” I acknowledged, while gently circling my arms around her, giving her the opportunity to move away if she didn’t want this. But she leaned in, seeking my touch. ThankGod. “I know what it was, and I don’t want to leave you alone right now.”Ididn’t want to be alone right now. Selfishly, I needed her just as much as I felt like she needed me. “Let me stay. Let me get you to bed.”
At that, Natalie wordlessly nodded. And then her entire body crumpled in my arms, and I caught her. Finally. Relief hit me like a freight train, making me realize just how badly it would have hurtto walk away. But she wasn’t making me. Thankfuckshe wasn’t making me.
Scooping her off her feet, I brought Natalie to her bedroom. She cried softly into my shoulder, creating a heartache I didn’t fully understand. I’d never wanted to fix something so badly before without knowing how. All I could think to do was follow the routine that she’d once told me, take her through the movements she usually did after work, and hope that provided some sort of comfort.
I walked Natalie into her en suite bathroom and lowered her to sit on the countertop. Murmuring a few words of encouragement, I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and spun to turn on the shower. The spraying water splashed loudly against white subway tiles, drowning out Natalie’s soft sniffles. When I faced her again, she had her head leaning against the wall as she stared at her feet, and the blank look on her face frightened me more than I ever could have imagined.
“Natalie,” I breathed, afraid that if I spoke too loudly, it might spook her.
She lifted her gaze, meeting my eyes, and I immediately felt better. I needed her eyes on me, needed to know she was there, that she hadn’t retreated somewhere I couldn’t follow. Brushing her hair out of her face, I pushed my fingers into her thick honey strands, massaging gently, and her whole body sighed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.
She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut in a way that squeezed my heart, too.
“Do you want me to leave so you can shower? I can wait in your room.”
