Page 118 of Already At Risk
“I miss him,” Cameron said, but there wasn’t wistfulness in his voice or sudden grief. Just a simple, profound fact. Not a dip into emotions he kept locked up, but a truth he carried with him day in and day out. “And I know I’m not alone in that. When he died, all I could feel was how heavily everyone took it, aware we lost someone so great. And as I grew up, all I knew was I—” He sighed, huffing a humorless laugh. “It sounds ridiculous.”
“You wanted to be great, like him,” I put the pieces together for Cameron, and his eyes grew round like he hadn’t expected me togetit. As if I didn’t understand the weight of existing in a familywhere everyone was so incredibly high achieving and supportive and somehow able to do it all, foreveryone, making me feel like a failure when sometimes all I could do and be wasChloe’sall. That some days, I didn’t have room for more. “You wanted to be the man that they all lost.”
I couldn’t help but notice that Cameron hadn’t mentioned how his dad had passed. But it also seemed apparent he wanted to talk more about how his dad had lived than how his dad had died, and I didn’t want to change that.
“I did, and becoming a lawyer was the best way I knew how,” Cameron acknowledged. “Because he was a great lawyer, too. He started in military law because it was how he could fund his education. But that was all before I was born, before he left and branched into family law, working his way to being partner. He cared about the people he worked with. That’s what everyone always tells me, anyway.
And that’s the kind of lawyer I want to be, too. That kind of man. His shoes are big, though. It’s hard to be great inallthose different ways, getting pulled in a million different directions. He somehow managed to be in so many places, all at the same time, and make it look easy.” His eyes shifted to me. “Kind of like you.”
“Oh no.” I shook my head, immediately brushing that comment off. He had no idea the guilt I carried because of the things I couldn’t manage some days. “I don’t think I make anything look easy. Because itisn’t. But you?” This man always made everything seem effortless, how he handled situations and walked around with confidence. “I think you’re more like your dad than you realize.” When Cameron remained stoic, seemingly unable to find any words to respond to that, I added, “And you know what?”
“What?” he breathed, still looking a little awed, his eyes roaming over my face.
“You’re right that there’s a million places I could be right now, doing a million things, and I’m sure you probably feel the same.But for me, I really don’t want to be anywhere else but here. I hope you know that.”
Cameron stayed quiet for a long moment, his gaze boring into mine, and I worried that maybe I’d said the wrong thing or bared too much. But then his lips cracked into a shy grin.
“Funny,” he murmured. “I feel exactly the same way.”
I crocheted half a small baseball by the end of the game. I thought it might make up for the fact that Chloe didn’t catch arealbaseball, though she insisted on wearing the glove the entire time anyway. She only took it off when she went to get food with Cameron, after he insisted that she wouldn’t be able to hold ice cream with it on her hand. I could tell Chloe wanted to argue that point and attempt to prove him wrong but wanted the ice cream more. Cameron also had a way of saying things that made them sound final, like there would be nobuts.
I needed to learn his ways.
As promised, he gave her a piggyback ride to the car, including climbing and descending the stairs of the stadium as we exited. He was spoiling her, just a little bit, but I found it really hard to care. Especially when I watched the way her cute face squished onto his shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut with exhaustion. Cameron must have sensed the way her body had melted and shut down as we walked because when we made it to the car, he was gentle with the way he roused her, getting her tucked into the back seat.
The entire thing left me feeling light-headed, giddy, and anxious. Something hopeful and silly bloomed in my chest, something I shouldn’t be reading into, something I should put an absolute stop to, but I justcouldn’t. And not only could Inotget a gripon my emotions, but I also couldn’t stop myself from spilling them.
“This felt kinda like a date.” The words tumbled out of my mouth when it was just me and Cameron again, standing in my front entryway. It wasn’t my fault. He’d done things to my ovaries when he carried my sleeping daughter up the stairs to her room—my daughter, who was truly too old to be carried anywhere—and then looked at me with a crooked grin, dimples on full display.
“I mean, a client date, of course,” I tried to amend. “With my daughter tagging along and ketchup stains on my shirt because said daughter put way too many condiments on a hot dog and me spending half the time crocheting like an old lady, but, well…” My voice vanished as Cameron stepped into my space, his lips curving further in amusement. “Never mind.”
“You’re cute when you ramble,” he said, his voice all low and delicious and wonderful. He reached out, sliding his palm onto the side of my face and cupping it while his thumb drifted over my mouth, like he was trying to coax it open again, get me to say more silly things.
Something inside me sighed at his touch, relieved to finally have it again.
“Literallyno onehas ever said that before,” I laughed, breathless, feeling like I was riding a high.
“It’s true.” His eyes dropped to my mouth, seeming to study the way he was caressing it with his fingertip. “And if this felt like a date, then I think that means I get to kiss you good night.”
“I know it wasn’t a date,” I whispered, not wanting him to think Ididn’tknow that. I understood exactly where we stood. Even if I was starting to wish that we stood somewhere else.
“Natalie.” He shook his head like he didn’t care about that, about the specifics. “For the love of God, just let me kiss you before I go.”
I barely managed a nod before Cameron dropped his head and brushed a tender kiss across my lips. It was the most tentative kiss he’d ever given me, almost as though he knew that there wassomething about tonight that was fragile. But even still, after a few moments, he couldn’t seem to help but deepen it. His tongue stroked mine. I whimpered. He groaned and then pushed himself back. We couldn’t. Not now, not here.
Cameron’s mouth hovered over mine even after, though. Separating felt impossible.
“For the record…” His warm breath teased my lips. “A date involving you and your daughter and ketchup stains and crocheting? That’s my kind of date.”
His words washed over me, making me feel like I was free-falling.
And then he left.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
cameron
THE SENSATION I FELT in my chest when I looked down at my phone while at work and saw that Natalie was calling was undeniable.
