Page 45 of Attached At Heart
“You mean, scared of commitment?” Blake challenged, giving me a side-eyed look.
But I shook my head. “I don’t think commitment is what I’m scared of.”
Blake thought about that for a moment before saying, “True. You’re actually incredibly committed as a person. Just not to dating.”
I was thankful that at least he could acknowledge that. I stuck to things, and I wasn’t scared to stick to things. I hoped my friendship with Blake stuck for a very long time. It wasn’t commitment.
“I’m more, I don’t know, scared of a love that won’t last,” I said, my voice feeling a bit raw from what I was admitting. Vulnerable. “When you don’t see it echoed in the way your family treats each other, it’s hard to believe it’s real. That we should risk our livelihoods for something that might ruin us in the end.”
“You’d think I’d be like that, too.” Blake shrugged as his lips pulled tight like he wasn’t happy about either my words or his next ones. “But my parents’ divorce became more like a personal challenge, in a way. Like I’m trying to defy that reality. Prove them wrong in some way. Which is ridiculous, but…” He drifted off with a shrug.
“You’ve always been a touch competitive like that,” I said with a soft laugh.
“Iamthe eldest of four brothers and a sister who is literally the smartest person I know.”
He smiled. I smiled. Then, both our smiles faded. I realized my hand was still in his, and I slowly extracted it. He let me go.
“Blake?”
“Yeah, Lane?”
“You know it’s not a competition, though, right?”
“What isn’t?”
“Love.”
He blew a breath out between his teeth. “I know. Which is a good thing since I think Noah would have already won.” Blake’s words were said with the slightest edge. A touch of bitternessthat I never would have expected. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so fucking happy for my brother. But he never even…” He broke off, shaking his head. “Never mind.”
He felt guilty saying it aloud, but I didn’t.
“He never even wanted a relationship or a family, and he landed himself with both.”
Blake grimaced. “I’m a jealous asshole.”
“You’re not an asshole,” I said with a sigh. “You’re a good guy who deserves everything he wants and more. Maybe just…smile more at work. Be a bit more approachable, yeah? I bet you could have your pick of cute nurses or trauma surgeons or anesthesiologists. The hospital is a minefield of intelligent, hardworking women.”
Blake pursed his lips like he was considering my advice. “Thereisthis smart, pretty cardiologist, but I heard she’s married.”
I rolled my eyes, even as my stomach twisted unpleasantly at the thought of another woman working so closely with him. It was obviously inevitable, but I didn’t like thinking about it. Or visualizing it. Or hearing him talk about it. I cleared my throat, trying to sound neutral. Slightly teasing. Our norm. “Stay away from the married ones, Dr. London.”
Blake gave me a funny stare before he just shook his head. “Noted,” he said. “Why don’t we focus on one thing at a time? Starting with our honeymoon.”
“Yeah, I hope you’re good with Photoshop,” I snorted, relieved that this conversation was taking a different turn.
Blake’s brows furrowed. “Why?”
I thought that was obvious.
“Because you’re going to have to photoshop a picture of us in front of a field of tulips to send to your siblings.”
A soft chuckle slipped from Blake’s lips. “No, I’m not.”
“Then you’ll have to figure out a different plan because you’re the one who decided to tell them you’re taking me to Europenext weekto see my favorite flowers.” I gave him an accusatory look, but he didn’t notice, his gaze still trained on the road, remaining focused on the bumper-to-bumper traffic. “I don’t know what you were thinking with that, Blake.”
“Don’t worry,” he said simply. “I have the perfect plan.”
“Thank goodness for that,” I mumbled. I truly didn’t like the idea of deceiving the London family any more than we had to. “What’s your plan?”
