Page 44 of Attached At Heart
“Of course. Your family is…” My throat tightened with wistfulness. “So wonderful.”
Putting his hand on my leg, Blake gently squeezed it before returning to the steering wheel. He finally maneuvered out of our tight parking space and pulled onto the road as we headed home.
“They’re your family now, too,” he said after a beat of silence.
I shook my head. “You know that’s not true.”
“It is,” he said forcefully. “Even if you’re not always a London in name, you’ll always be my friend, Lane. And you’ll always be welcome at the London dinner table. Or anywhere else we are. So is Bryan, if you want to invite him sometime, too.”
“I don’t know about that,” I sighed, turning my attention out the window. My stomach was doing all sorts of weird thingsbecause of what he’d said, and I didn’t want Blake to see it on my face.
“What do you mean?”
“One day, you’ll get married for real, and somehow, I doubt future Mrs. London will want former Mrs. London coming to the family dinners.” I forced a laugh out, but I knew it wasn’t very convincing. I wasn’t sure why I was even strugglingtobe convincing. I’d always known Blake wanted to settle down and marry. It was why I’d never asked him to fake-marry me before—so I wouldn’t ruin that for him. But for some reason, the thought of him marrying someone else irked me more now than ever.
Blake was quiet for a long moment, probably trying to figure out how to reply in a way that wouldn’t hurt my feelings.
But eventually, he just said, “I’m not worried about that.”
“Are you ever worried about anything?”
“I worry about you,” he said without missing a beat.
I scowled. “You don’t need to do that.”
“I do,” he insisted. “Because you won’t.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I take care of myself.”
“You’re very self-sufficient, Lane. But that’s not what I meant.”
I sighed because I didn’t have a comeback. Not a very believable one, especially since he’d seen with his own eyes the mess that was my cheap, rat-infested apartment that I picked because it was the only option that left me with income to invest in my future clinic plans. And while I was surviving just fine in that apartment, I couldn’t exactly say I was thriving or even doing moderately okay.
“I, uh…” Blake started, and I swiveled my gaze toward him, mostly because I was curious about the odd tone of his voice. His expression didn’t give anything away, though. It was focused on the road. Serious. Attentive. Very Blake-like. He cleared his throat. “I heard what you said to Gemma. And I just want youto know that you can have your career, save the world,andlive for yourself, Delaney. If you want marriage and kids…I just don’t think you have to pick. Or if there’s something else you want, you can have it.”
He pressed his lips together to signify he was done talking. Or maybe it was to force himself not to say anything more. There was a part of me that wished he would keep talking so I would have an excuse not to respond. An excuse not to think too hard about what he said.
But Blake remained quiet.
And so I said the only truth I knew at the moment.
“It’s easy to want a family when you were born in one like yours, Blake.” I swallowed, trying to soothe the sudden scratchiness in my throat. “It’s more complicated for me.”
Blake nodded with understanding. I didn’t elaborate, and he didn’t push me for more. He never did. I didn’t like talking about my family, and he never made me unless I offered it up willingly. And thinking about my family after spending time with his felt so much more painful.
There was a reason I wanted this inheritance so badly. My brother was the only one who loved me with the kind of love the Londons had for each other, and I was doing this for him. Outside of Bryan, my cousin Ophelia was the only friend I had to talk to growing up, but my aunt sent her to a boarding school in Europe when I was ten, and I rarely saw her after that. We still stayed in touch, and even now, I considered her one of my only friends, but we lived in different worlds. And that would never change.
“You’re right,” Blake finally replied. And he sounded so serious that I didn’t even tease him for admitting I was right about something. “I can’t and I won’t pretend that your upbringing wasn’t different from mine, and I can only imagine how that has impacted you, Lane. But I just want you to know…my family? We’re not perfect, either. I’ve never really admitted it before, but my parents getting a divorce wrecked a part of me. I mean, yeah, for the most part, it was an amicable split, but it was still a split. A divide. A shift in the way our family operated. And it felt so wrong because I never saw it coming.”
His words felt like a sucker punch because, to be honest, I’d forgotten that Blake’s parents were even divorced. His family seemed so effortlessly put together that it was hard to believe that, in some ways, they’d been ripped apart.
“I’m sorry, Blake.” I found myself aching to touch him, to reassure him, but I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. I’d touched him a lot today, and that touch was growing more confusing by the minute. “I didn’t mean to undermine your experience like that. I’m sure that must have hit you hard.”
“It was just a shock,” he admitted. “I grew up wanting a love like what they shared, to build a family like they had. And it felt a little like I’d been lied to because suddenly, they just…weren’t in love anymore? I didn’t understand it, even though I found myself in the middle of it. Saw my parents act in ways I didn’t think was possible. I don’t think Nat or Noah even realize everything that happened. That’s okay, though. I’d rather they didn’t. I think our family has stayed together so well because my other siblings don’t realize.”
I couldn’t help it. I reached over and put my hand on his leg, wanting him to know I was there. Blake automatically covered my hand with his, giving my fingers a squeeze.
“But that didn’t change your thoughts about marriage at all?” I asked thoughtfully. “I feel like children of divorce are sometimes more like…me.”
