Page 76 of Wrecked
Randy.
He stares at me from the entrance of my room, our eyes connecting for several seconds before he turns away and closes the door behind him. Our eyes connect for another moment, and then he is removing his shirt.
His pants.
His boxers.
I don’t say anything. I don’t tell him no. I don’t call for help.
Help that won’t come anyway.
I don’t scream. I don’t even try to get up.
I just don’t care.
I lie there and stare at him as he walks toward me. I tilt myhead, curious at what his plan is, but drunk enough that I don’t truly care.
I lost my protector. I lost the safety of his arms. The safety of his bed. There are much worse things that can happen to me at home, so I welcome this. I’d rather it be Randy in here than Pauly or my father.
He lowers the blanket covering my body and climbs on top of me.
I let him.
Letting him givesmethe control. Would Randy force himself on me if I said no? I don’t know. I’d like to think he wouldn’t. But if I say no, and he doesn’t stop, what happens next is no longermydecision. It becomes his decision, and that is something I don’t think I can handle.
This…what’s happening right now? It helps me stay numb. I don’t want to feel. Or think. Or care. Randy is giving me an out, and I’m going to take it.
I don’t kiss him back when he kisses me.
I don’t touch him the way he touches me.
I just lay there and let him have what he wants. I let himtakewhat he wants.
And I continue to let him take it for the next two years.
CHAPTER 34
NATE (PRESENT)
“Hang on, Pip, almost there.” The desperation in my voice is unmistakable as I pick up my pace, practically racing toward the cliffs. My feet slam onto the ground below me, careful not to slip on the mud. My calves burn as I try to stay upright, and my ankles twist in the sludge as I run uphill. I hug Ellie closer to my chest, and I can almost feel her body temperature decreasing by the second. Her intense shivering stopped minutes ago, but I don’t think that’s a good sign.
“You’re going to be okay, Ellie. I’m going to get you nice and warm soon, I promise,” I whisper in her ear. I look down at her still face. Her lips are turning a concerning shade of bluish purple. My heart stutters in my chest, terrified I’m losing the race against time.
“Listen to me, Ellison Hansel!” I demand, knowing she can’t hear me. “I have gone through too muchshitto get us here. I won’t let a little fucking rain take you from me. Do you understand me?” Lightning flickers above my head, and I take it as a sign that some greater power is listening. “DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!” I roar, tilting my head toward the sky.
I can’t stop the pent-up sob that tears out of my throat. It’s not fair. None of this is fucking fair. This life we were given. The things that we lost. The pain we’ve been through.What did I do to deserve this?What did Ellie do? Why don’t we just get to love each other? Why can’t we just have an ounce of happiness?
“I’M SORRY!” I shout, still looking up at the clouds. They are dark and angry, but so am I. “Whatever I did that was so fucking bad…whatever I did to earn all of this torture and heartache…I’m sorry. Please…please…fuck. Just please don’t take her, okay?” Thunder crashes in the distance, like a long deep, growl telling me to fuck off. That’s fine. I’ve never needed anyone before, and I’m not going to start now. The only person I’ll ever need is in my arms. I’ll protect her on my own, the way I always have.
Deep down, I know. I know why I am being punishednow. But that doesn’t explain the shit I went through back then. Before I did what I did.
Before I did the world a favor.
I’m so lost in my thoughts I almost miss it as the trees clear, and I am able to see the overhang up ahead. Another twenty feet and I’ll have Ellie somewhere dry and safe. I sprint up the wet, slippery terrain, and close in on our salvation. The ledge of the cliff juts out much farther than I expected, creating a nice deep cavern. The opening is high enough that I don’t even have to bend to walk through it.
As I breach the entrance, I feel Ellie stir in my arms. She moans quietly and turns her face into my chest, seeking the warmth of my body.
“Shh, shh…I’ve got you, baby. I’m going to get a fire going, and you’re going to be nice and warm soon, okay?” She lets out a small hum, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. As long as she’s responsive, we’ve got a chance.
