Page 37 of Wrecked
Death.
Drowning.
Powerful.
No escape.
Maybe I should abandon the search before I educate myself right into a panic attack.
Too late.
A molecule of past knowledge races to the forefront of my mind; swim in the direction of the shoreline, though I’m not sure how accurate that is. My breath quickens as pinpricks of panic begin to creep into my nerves. The hum of the ocean filters to the background, and the noise echoing within my head makes me feel like I’m stuck in a fishbowl. My heart pounds as I struggle to take a full breath—it feels like I’m choking on air. Hot flashes work their way down my body, though my skin is decorated with goosebumps from the chilled water. This is a feeling I know all too well. A feeling I experienced every time I saw my father reach for a bottle. I can’t control it.
I’m going to die.
I feel a vice wrap around my waist, and then I’m pulled against a steel wall. No. Not a steel wall. Nate’s chest, his armholding me to him as he treads in the choppy water. He whispers words of reassurance, encouraging deep breaths as he counts out a rhythm. A memory flashes of another time and place—Nate holding me, talking me through a panic attack.
I begin to relax, my labored breathing returning to normal. I feel safe. Leaning back against Nate, he showers my temple with soft kisses, no doubt tasting the salt from my skin on his lips. The tingling in my hands fade as I hold his arm tight and let out a shuddering breath. I close my eyes and focus on his touch and the way his body wraps around mine. My safe space.
“You’re okay, Pip, you’re okay,” he chants, lips trailing down my face, brushing against my jawline as he nuzzles his cheek against mine.
“I’m okay…I’m just…I’m so fucking scared.” I swallow hard as the storm settles within. I can feel the weight of his gaze even though my eyes remain closed.
“I won’t let anything happen to you, Ellie. I made that promise to you a long time ago, and I’ve never broken it.”
“You left me.” It comes out against my will. I leave my eyes closed, squeezing them against the burn of tears. I feel his jaw clench against my cheek. I probably shouldn’t upset the man ensuring I make it to the shore alive. The same man that swore to keep thesharksat bay.
“I never left you, Pip. Just like you never left me. I walked away with the full intention of returning. Even if that meant having toendanother man to get you back,” he growls, his tone sharper than it’s ever been with me. “Let me make one thing perfectly clear, Pip. You’remine. You have alwaysbeen mineand you will alwaysbe mine. Until I take my very last breath…You.Are. Mine.Even then, you will be mine in whatever afterlife I’m given,” he decides, allowing no room for argument. “When I tell you I willneverlet anything happen to you, that means I will give mylifeto ensure your safety.Always. Because without you? There is no me.”
I lean my head back against his shoulder to look him in the eyes. His words linger between us, the only sounds to be heard are the lapping waves forcing us to bob in and out of the water. I can see his exhaustion as he struggles to keep us in place, fighting against the current that’s trying to pull us apart. I know we need to move. I know I need to let this go. Instead, I look him straight in the eyes and whisper, “how unfair. The whole time I’ve been yours…you’ve been Katie’s.”
His grip on me falters and he tenses at my words. As quickly as it came on, his shock fades and his hold around me tightens once again. “I haveneverbeen Katie’s,” he hisses, “leaving you, Pip? It was the best and worst mistake I’ve ever made. But I’ll never regret it, because leaving you kept you safe! Everything I do…everything I’ve ever done…has been with you in mind. Hurting you fuckingkilledme! And you know what? I would do it over and over again becauseyou are okay.” His emphasis on the last word brings tears to my eyes. Because I wasn’t, I wasn’t ok. “I promise you, I will explain everything. But I need to get you to that shore so that everything I’ve done? All the ways I’ve hurt us? Wasn’t for nothing. And I need you to promise me something.”
I nod my head even though I am desperate for the answers I’ve been waiting years for. Desperate to forgive him for the pain I keep locked inside my heart. Desperate to find a reason, an excuse, that allows me to be with him. Touch him. Kiss him. But none of that matters if we don’t make it out of this.
“I need you to promise me you are going to swim hard. That you’re going to make it to that island. Whether I make it with you or not.”
“No, Nate…I…”
“Promise me, Ellie.”
My eyes burn, thinking of a world without Nate, it’s unfathomable. Even the years we spent apart, he’s always been there, somewhere, existing. I don’t want to imagine what my lifewould look like if he no longer walked this earth. No. That’s too painful to consider, but I nod my head, anyway.
Making the first promise I don’t intend to keep.
With a firm nod, he releases his hold around my waist and wraps my hand around his arm, interlocking our elbows. “I’m going to need both arms to swim. Hold on to me as tight as you can and use your other arm to swim too. I’m going to pull us as far down as I can so that we swim underneath the current. I need you to take a big, deep breath right before we dive, okay?”
I return his solid nod, ready to get this over with.
“Okay, get ready, Ellie. On the count of three. One…two…three…”
I take a huge breath and nearly get whiplash from how quickly Nate plunges us beneath the wave. I swim hard, using my free hand to help Nate propel us forward. I feel the pull of the current cling to me, trying to drag me from my hold on Nate’s arm. I use every bit of strength I have to keep my grip firmly attached, but I feel my hand start to slip from his bicep. The pull of the ocean is going to win this battle. Just before I let go completely, Nate grabs ahold of me, using one arm to pull me close and whip me onto his back. I wrap my arms around his neck, legs around his waist, and squeeze as tight as I can.
The large gulp of air I took before the dive releases faster and faster. I can’t hold it much longer without passing out. But just as I succumb to the idea of taking a breath, effectively drowning, Nate pulls us to the surface.
I immediately drag in large gulps of air, inhaling deeply, coughing up some of the seawater I drank. I pant heavily, wheezing as I struggle to regain my composure. My lungs feel heavy, and they ache with my deep breaths.
“Slow your breathing, baby,” Nate coughs out. “You’re going to hyperventilate. Come on, nice and slow, match my rhythm.”
