Page 23 of Wrecked
“So? He loves me. I love my friends too, Katie,” I say, desperate to stop her pain. “That doesn’t mean he sees me any other way. We had an intense friendship, and his actions hurt me. I’m about to be his sister-in-law, so he probably wants to make amends before I tell on him,” I joke, trying to make her feel better.
She doesn’t smile.
I’m trying my hardest to salvage their relationship, though I no longer consider it repairable. Not because of me, but because for the first time since Nate’s admission, I don’t believe that he is in love with my sister. After Katie’s confession, I don’t believe that heeverhas been. I know what Nate’s love feels like, what it looks like. What she described, what I see with my own eyes? That’s not it.
I sigh. “I’m not going tomorrow, Katie. We can transfer my ticket to your name if you want, but I’m not going to be a part of whatever elaborate game this is between you two. Especiallynot when someone might get hurt in this entirely fucked up process. That includes me, Katie. I love you, but did you ever consider how putting me in the middle of this situation might makemefeel? This isn’t fair to me, and it was a lot to ask.”
After a moment of silence, I get up, ashamed of how I reversed the narrative. I walk back inside, shutting the door behind me and make my way into the bathroom. I slam the door shut in frustration.She’sthe victim in this mess, but I didn’t ask for this either. I didn’t ask to watch the man I once loved—still love—be with my sister. I didn’t ask for these confusing feelings over a man I told myself I’d moved on from. Feelings that position my two favorite people on opposite sides of my happiness. Not that it matters, I’ve never putmyhappiness above anyone else’s.
A soft knock on my bathroom door brings me out of my thoughts. I open it to find Katie on the other side, eyes red from crying. I immediately step into her, hugging her close to me. It kills me to see her in so much pain.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her small voice hitching. “I know I shouldn’t have asked you that and put all of this on your shoulders. I’m just so lost. I don’t want to lose him, Els,” she sobs. “I can’t help but feel like our relationship was a big ruse, one I had no part in. I think…I think his dad knew…”
“You think his dad knew what?” I ask, concerned anytime that asshole comes up in a conversation.
She pulls back from my embrace to look at me. “Not long after Nathan and I started dating, his dad wanted to meet me. I thought that was a good sign, that maybe Nathan was more serious about us than I thought. Nathaniel came over for dinner one evening, and it went really well. He was charming and so kind to me. Nathan went to bed early, and I stayed up to talk with his father. Things got a little…weird. He asked me not to introduce Nathan to our family. He said with his political aspirations, the women his son dates are important. He said he wouldn’t want the wrong things getting out. I don’t know. It felt…it felt like a threat.”
“Why would Nate dating you affect his career?” I ask, taken aback but not surprised.
“I don’t know, Ellie. He didn’t tell me. He just told me not to introduce Nathan to my family yet. When a powerful man tells you something, you listen. I used to think he wanted to be sure about me, maybe research our family and determine whether I am good enough for the Westin name. Especially considering after Nathan proposed, Nathaniel mentioned how he couldn’t wait for Nathan to meet my family.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Katie. Why would you listen to that? Why would Nate?” I say, exasperated by this whole conversation.
“To be perfectly honest, Nathan never seemed interested in meeting my family. I didn’t think much of it, but now…now I wonder…did Nathaniel know about you and Nathan? About yourfriendship?”
I don’t miss the sarcasm in that word. She knows. Nate and I had much more than a friendship, and she is telling me she knows.
“As far as I know, Nathaniel didn’t know about us,” I say quietly, acknowledging the truth about our relationship. Katie inhales sharply, like she wasn’t expecting my honesty. That’s my fault, I put these lies between us.
She looks down, more tears slipping past her eyelids. “I was thinking maybe he knew, and didn’t want it to affect our relationship. Until we were more…settled. But I guess that doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t even matter. It changes nothing,” she relents. I can feel her defeat just as intensely as I can feel my own resolve fading.
“I’ll go, Katie. I’ll go with him, and then you will see that you’re wrong about everything.” I don’t believe a word I am saying. I don’t know if Nate still loves me, but I am certain hedoesn’t plan to marry Katie. So why am I going? I know why. I just don’t have the courage to admit it to myself.
“Thank you, Els. I hope you’re right. I want you to know this isn’t about us. I know you’d never hurt me.”
I give her a small smile and turn toward the guest room. I don’t have the strength to respond. I’ve lied to my sister enough tonight.
CHAPTER 11
NATE (SENIOR YEAR, HIGH SCHOOL)
Acool breeze sweeps through my open window, fluttering the physics notes that are laying across my bed. The chill of the wind bites into the skin of my bare arms, the mild fall weather is steadily cooling as we approach the winter months. I’m stretched out with my back against the headboard, Ellie’s head rests in my lap as she lays diagonally on my king-size bed. She has a book balanced on her bent knees while highlighting the text inside. We are studying for our finals, but the only thing I’ve been productive at studying is Ellie’s profile.
Three more weeks of physics and then I am on to my final semester of high school. I’ve managed to bring my grade up significantly—enough to maintain my football scholarship. Ellie is no longer tutoring me, but we don’t spend any less time together. We’re with each other nearly every day of the week now…every night of the week too. The demand to touch, see, feel one another has become as essential as water, a need as crucial and basic as breathing. When I’m not with her I feel incomplete, as though my life no longer operates fully. Call it what you want, codependency, trauma-bonded…but this thing between us? It was inevitable. We played with fate, tying our lives together in a way that’s unbreakable. We became soulmates.
Ever since that night.
Leaving the front door open saved my life. Ellie was concerned when she hadn’t heard back from me. She’d driven by twice, seeing my car in the driveway, but told herself she was overreacting. The third time, she saw my front door wide open and was filled with deep-rooted anxiety, her senses screaming at her that something was wrong. She doesn’t even remember leaving her car, she was just compelled to get to me. She didn’t knock or ring the bell for anyone, she walked right in searching for my room.
I open the bathroom door and see her standing there, this beautiful angel with so much fear in her eyes, fear that I put there. I drop to my knees; they connect with the hard tile as pills spill from my hand. She takes one look at me, the Xanax scattering on the floor, and drops to her knees beside me. She doesn’t say a single word. She just holds me as I silently cry.
Minutes pass by before she tugs at my hand and helps me up off the bathroom floor. She holds onto me as we walk into my bedroom and get into my bed. Curling into me, she hitches her leg over mine, making sure our bodies are flushed together. She gently caresses my face, my head, my neck, carefully avoiding my injuries while peppering little kisses anywhere her lips can reach. She cares for me in a way I’ve never felt before. This is all new to me, her tender touch, her whispered concern as she offers sweet words of comfort. I’ve never been consoled before, not even as a child. Her soothing support heals something deep inside my soul.
I fight the shame I feel over receiving her comfort. This will be the last time I see her. She’ll realize how pathetic I am, crying like a weak, spineless man. She’ll be gone before the morning sun rises, and I will be alone again. I’ll go back to living a life without feeling anything.
I keep my eyes open, watching her, waiting for her disgust toappear. She locks her gaze with mine, letting me see her genuine concern before closing them tight, unable to fight her fatigue from such an emotionally draining night. I know they’ll pop open again, once she realizes she is lying next to a pathetic excuse for a man. I watch as her breathing gets heavier and her hands gracefully fall from my face. I close my eyes, happy for the moment of reprieve and the time I get to hold her before she wakes up and leaves me. I feel myself begin to fade into my dreams, balancing in the fragile existence between sleep and wake. I feel her hand feather lightly down the side of my face, rousing me from my semiconscious state.
“Stay,” she whispers when she realizes I’m awake. My eyes flutter open to find her staring at me, not an ounce of sleep shadowing her gaze. How long has she been watching me? I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. She palms my cheek, tears falling from the corner of her eyes. “If you can’t stay for you right now…stay for me.”
