Page 123 of Wrecked
I roll my eyes and smile at the memory. He’s still my Nate. He’s just really, really sick right now. But he will be okay. He has to be. I’m not in denial. I’m just rejecting the norm. We have never done things the conventional way.
Our love isn’t ordinary.
We don’t fit into the realm of predictability. Which means Nate won’t succumb to something as trivial as a blood infection. But we wouldn’t be true soulmates if life came easy for us. We’ve made it through every trial and tribulation we’ve been presented so far. We will make it through this one too.
I leaveour shelter late in the afternoon. Nate fell asleep a while ago, and he will likely sleep the whole time I am away. I head down the familiar paths in search of anything that can help eliminate the bacteria Nate’s body is trying to fight off.
Hours pass and I come no closer to finding any sort of medicinal plant that can fix what’s been broken. A damn plant isn’t the solution! I need antibiotics. I need saline. I need a fucking hospital! My earlier resolution starts to fade as a bleak sense of hopelessness sinks into the pit of my stomach.
He’s septic. There is no denying it. His blood is riddled with deadly bacteria with no way to stop it. It’s destroying his organs and attacking his tissue, and pretty soon every part of him is going to start failing. His kidneys, his heart, his brain—all gone.
The thought strikes terror into my heart. My confidenceis deteriorating into nothing but fear. Iamin denial. I deny everything I know about sepsis. I pretend I’m ignorant as to where this is headed, because I don’t want to believe it. I don’t want to admit that I’m losing him.
Life wouldn’t be that cruel. I have to believe that. Not after everything we’ve already been through. We deserveourhappy ending. We deserve to live the rest of our lives loving each other.
“After everything you put us through. Everything we’ve suffered!” I yell toward the sky, talking to God, to fate, to whoever the fuck is in control of our destiny. “Don’t do this,” I plead. “Don’t do this to us. I promise, I’ll love him forever. We’ll take care of each other forever. Just please…” I cry out, gasping for air as I begin to hyperventilate. “Please don’t take him from me. We passed. We passed all of your tests. We beat the odds. We found our way back to each other. You can’t do this to us.” My words are garbled as I bawl in earnest. My nose is so stuffed, I have to take in breaths through my mouth.
I’m tempted to just let myself run out of air. To chicken out and escape the pain I know is coming.
But I won’t leave Nate.
I won’t give up.
I gather myself, once again motivated to find some kind of miracle treatment. Maybe his body will be able to fight it. He is moving around more. Eating more. That feels like the opposite of getting worse. But just in case his body can’t fight it, I will findsomethingto take the poison from his blood. Even if I have to suck it out myself. Because the alternative will destroy me.
It should have been me.
That damn cat was gunningfor me.Why did he have to push me out of the way? Why did it have to be him? I’d rather die a million times over than have to watch him leave me. The thought alone is enough to bring me to my knees in agony.
I take a deep breath and venture off the paths we’d clearedall those months ago. I will do anything to keep Nate with me. Is it selfish or selfless, I don’t know. All I know is that our souls are tethered together in a way that can’t be undone, and I’m not ready to say goodbye to us.
We jump together.
With renewed purpose, I continue my search deeper in the jungle. Regions we’ve never been, stretches that aren’t safe to search. It doesn’t matter what danger lies ahead. I won’t give up on him, just like he didn’t give up onus.
I makeit back to camp as the sun is setting. Even with the faint light from the fire, I can see how pale Nate is. He visibly shivers as he struggles to turn to his side, closer to the warmth of the flames. He hasn’t heard me return yet. The heightened senses we’ve gained here are already abandoning him in his feverish state.
“Nate, baby. I’m here. Let me help,” I whisper, careful so that he doesn’t hear the fear in my voice. I need to stay strong for him. If I stay strong, he willbestrong. If he stays strong, his body will fight this. I can’t… I can’t think of any other outcome.
I refuse to.
Nate’s eyes connect with mine, and even through sickness I can see all of his love reflected in them.
“God you’re beautiful,” he says with that half smirk that melts my heart. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I whisper, but my face remains stoic. I can’t find joy in anything right now. Not even our banter.
He lifts the blanket, inviting me over. I walk across the shelter, our home, and crawl into bed beside the man I love.
The man who’s dying right before my eyes.
I let those words float around in my head for severalminutes before finally letting them in. Finally admitting the truth.
Nate won’t survive this.
My piercing sob echoes between the stone walls. I can’t control it anymore. My body shakes with the force of them. Deafening, thunderous sobs pour out of me as the love of my life holds me in his arms. In arms that will never hold me again.
He’sdying.
