Page 107 of Wrecked
Those were the nights Randy came to me.
He might have numbed my mind, but he couldn’t numb my body. The sadness and anger still lingered in that broken part of my soul, allowing my body to recognize the disgust at what was happening to me.
Like clockwork, Randy would put on his pants and walk out of my bedroom door. I would walk to the bathroom and vomit for the rest of the night.
I won’t ever forget those moments, the worst moments of my life. I can forgive him for them, though. He spent eight years trying to get back to me and make things right. I can’t discount the hurdles he went through to find his way back to me. I can’t ignore the way my heart started to beat again the first time he kissed me after eight years apart.
The truth is, I forgave him long before he told me the circumstances surrounding those decisions. I forgave him because there was not a single part of me that ever truly moved on from him.
“What are we going to do if we get rescued?” I ask, still laying my head on his shoulder.
“Whenwe get rescued,” he corrects. “What do you mean, what are we going to do?”
“Are we…are we going to hide this? Us? From Katie? Until you end things with her?”
His expression is somber as he clenches his jaw. “I won’t spend another second hiding how much I love you. Not in this life, not in the next. You’re mine, Pip. They could separate us in death, sending me straight to hell. I would climb my way out of those fiery pits, taking on the fucking devil himself to get back to you. When we walk off this island, it will be hand-in-hand.”
“I don’t want to hurt her,” I murmur quietly. I want that so badly, to start our lives together when we leave here. But I can’t forget the woman mourning us both at home.
“I don’t either, Pip. She means so much to me.” He shakes his head, his eyes turning red. “She made living without you a little more bearable,” he says, letting out a small snort. “I didn’t know it at the time, but it was because she reminded me of you. Your appearance, your mannerisms,your heart. But she was still a galaxy away frommyheart. You’ve had complete ownership since I was eighteen years old. So as much as this will hurt her, I won’t live my life protecting someone else. Not anymore.”
“We’ll explain though, right? We’ll tell her everything?” My vision starts to blur. I love Katie so much, and she doesn’t deserve this.
If Nathaniel Westin wasn’t already dead, I would kill him myself.
“Yeah, Pip. We will tell her everything. In time, I think she will forgive us. I think she will realize I was not the right man for her.”
I nod my head, trying to believe the lie. “What if we don’t make it?”
“Then we will spend our lives on this island. Loving each other, being together, the way we’ve always wanted.”
“No…I mean, what if…what if we don’tmakeit.”
He shakes his head. “Not happening.”
“But what if…”
“Then I will find you in our next life. I will find you ineverylife. And if this is the only one we get? Then I will find you in whatever afterlife we’re given.”
I let the tears fall from my eyes, digging deeper into the side of the man I love so much. A man I couldn’t possibly live without.
“Really hoping that doesn’t involve crawling out of the pits of hell.” I sniffle, trying to lighten the heavy mood I created.
He locks his jaw, losing himself in his thoughts. “Even if I did something worthy of burning in hell, I would find my way to you, Pip.” He smiles tightly, and I’m confused by his reaction.
“Did you do something worthy of burning in hell?” I say, knocking his shoulder with mine, keeping things light.
He looks at me, like he’s deciding what to say. “I hurt you, didn’t I?”
I laugh. “Well, you’re forgiven, so I expect you to be in heaven right next to me.”
“Deal.” He leans over, kissing me on the forehead. “What do you have cooking over there?”
“Oh. OH! Hang on…” I run over to where I have our metal pot—made from parts of the plane—sitting near the bonfire. I grab the hot metal with a rolled up T-shirt and run back over to Nate with a cheesy smile on my face. I pour the steaming liquid into a bamboo cup. “Drink!” I say, smiling big.
He takes the cup from me and raises an eyebrow. “What am I drinking?” he asks, trusting me enough to take a sip. He scrunches his face, but swallows anyway.
“Chacruna and Ayahuasca stew.” I grin smugly, feeling proud of myself.
