Page 7 of Wrecked
“Come on, Pip.” He takes a deep breath, his eyes filling with hurt. How dare he look atmelike that. As though I’m the reason for his pain. He hurtme. He leftme. Then he showed up nearly eight years later with his ring on my sister’s finger.
“Ellison,” I correct, my tone positively hostile.
He breathes out a sigh. “I think it will be fun. We can do some sightseeing?—”
“No. No fun. No ‘we.’ No sightseeing. We are picking up yourfiancée’swedding dress and coming home.”
He looks at me with so much despair that it starts to chip away at the wall I’ve built around my heart. “I hate this,” he saysunder his breath. The pain in his voice depletes some of my anger, making me feel the urge to comfort him. It’s an instinct I can hardly resist. “We need to talk.” He glances over at Katie and winces. “On this trip, we just need totalk.”
“What do you want to talk about,Nathaniel?”
My softened state was clearly short-lived.
“I think you know we have a lot to talk about,” he says, lowering his voice so that Katie doesn’t hear us over her music. “It’s a talk we should have had six months ago when I walked into your family’s home. Eight years ago, when I let you think…when I let you walk away from me.”
“There is no need to talk, Nate. What happened, happened. It’s in the past. You’ve moved on.”
“I’vemoved on?” he questions, raising an eyebrow, seemingly stunned by my statement. Stunned, but…satisfied.
“We. We’ve moved on,” I quickly backpedal while trying to interpret the look on his face.
“Have we, Pip?” he asks sardonically. His irritation is surprising. I haven’t seen him express anyrealemotions in the months since he’s been back in my life. So naturally, I can’t help but poke.
“Ell—”
“PIP! You’re Pip. And I’m Nate. And I’m really fucking tired of not talking about it.”
Well…I definitely poked.
I shoot to my feet, standing so close I can smell the minty flavor of his breath. “You stopped being ‘Nate’ the night of your senior prom,” I seethe. “Is that what you want to talk about? Should we get Katie’s attention so she can participate?” I ask sarcastically. “You aremarryingmy sister, Nate. We havenothingto talk about.”
He lets out an irritated sigh. “It’s not…it was never supposed to happen like this,” he says so quietly I almost don’t hear him. Hecloses his eyes, rubbing his hands up and down his face like he’s trying to determine how much he can tell me.
“Happen like what?”
“Ellie, I would have never hurt you if I…I neverwantedto hurt you. Jesus, Pip, I loved you. So damn much. I still?—”
“It looks like it’s getting really serious over here.” Katie yawns as she takes out her earbuds, placing them on the poolside table. “I decided to break up…whatever this is…before she kills you, babe. You’re so welcome.” She winks as she takes a sip of her water, completely ignorant of the declaration Nate was about to make.
One I shouldn’t want to hear. But Ineedhim to acknowledge what we were to each other…what he threw away. I want to know that he still feels what I’m feeling and I’m not alone in this misery.
I’m an awful sister. My thoughts are absolutely appalling…inexcusable. I deserve every bit of the bad karma coming my way.
Still, my heart pounds in my chest like it’s the lead drummer in a rock band, performing its solo in an arena thirty thousand deep. The rhythm, chaotic, as loud cheers from euphoric fans encourage the thunderous beat. It feels like I’m on the verge of a heart attack, one that promises a rapturous demise.
My jubilation is tempered by the panic of what that revelation almost undid. Hecan’tlove me. If he did, he wouldn’t be marrying my sister. He would have come to me years ago and explained himself. He would have walked away from Katie the second he realized she was my sister. Instead, I’ve been forced to watch them live out their happily ever after.
So no, he wasn’t going to saythat. He was just trying to articulate the fact that he still cares for me. That has to be what it was because nothing else makes sense…andanythingelse will destroy lives.
“Okay. You two are doing that weird staring into space thingyou do. Bring it back to planet Earth. I promise, neither of you are that bad to be around,” Katie jokes, but the trepidation in her tone rings clear.
She knows.
For the first time in six months, I notice a level of concern I haven’t seen in her before. She’s not immune to the residual emotions I try so hard to disguise in her presence. Of course she’s not. She’s one of the best lawyers in the state. She’s celebrated for her dispositions, she’s practically known for seeing what others miss. They call her a shark, and I have a feeling I’m about to get trapped in her powerful jaws.
“Sorry, sweetheart. Just thinking about those reports from work,” Nate lies with a measure of discomfort. It makes me feel better that it doesn’t come easily to him. If it did, I would start to doubt our past, and that would destroy what is left of me.
She nods her head, choosing to accept the obvious lie. I can sense her anxiety though, and guilt hits me like a ton of bricks.
