Page 44 of A Court of Ash and Midnight
“How long was I asleep?”
“About two days.”
My eyes widen. “Two days?”
“Does that surprise you?” Daemon cocks his head to the side. “How much do you remember of what happened?”
“I remember… everything,” I say slowly. “Although… I don’t understand what it is that I remember.”
He eyes me like he’s seeing me for the first time, his sea-colored gaze so intense I have to work hard not to fidget. “You’ve never done anything like that before?”
“No,” I say, the answer instant and automatic. “I’m… I’m just a human. I mean… how is what happened even possible?”
A smirk. “I think it’s fair to say that you’re notjusta human.”
“But—but I’m certainly not fae,” I stammer, crossing my arms over my chest.
“No, but humans can possess magic.” He shrugs.
I shake my head. “Not magic like that.”
He nods, a concession. “That’s also fair. At least none that I’ve ever seen.”
Silence falls between us for several moments.
“I know you can’t remember your past,” he begins, his gaze on mine, questioning. “But do you think maybe this is why you’ve been hunted all these years?”
I haven’t had time to think about it. About any of it. But now, as I absorb his words, a whirlwind of feelings and questions move through me. “It has to be related,” I say, my words coming out as a choked whisper. “But how did those men know I had this… whateverthisis? I didn’t even know. And Professor Julian has been testing me for months, without even the slightest of responses.”
But even as the words come out of my mouth, I remember that sensation I’d had when I summoned the flames into me. A feeling of connection. A feeling of familiarity, ofrightness.
And I think, all these years, I’d suppressed the fear that simmered below the surface of my first memory. Because it’s too awful to contemplate. The terrible realization I’d had two nights ago in what I thought were my final moments.
What if I had caused the fire that killed my family?
What ifIkilled them?
Somehow, the men chasing me must know. Either they’d known I possessed this strange magic before I created that fire, or they’d heard of it afterward and come looking for me. After all, the locals had all clamored on about how unnatural the fire was, how fae magic was suspected. I’d heard it from their mouths myself. So, if word had spread…
Maybe, all these years running, I’d been running from justice. I’d been running from the punishment I deserved.
A shudder moves over me, and I spin, turning away from Daemon and walking back down the path toward the cottage. Tears sting at the corners of my eyes, hot and angry and horrified tears. Why can’t I just remember exactly what happened?
I turn before reaching the cottage, taking a side path into the woods. A moment later I’m walking in the dappled shadows thrown by the trees. A raven screeches overhead, as if it knows what I did and is issuing judgment. The tears are burning down my cheeks now. I’d wanted the truth, and now I have it. Or, at least, most of it. The pieces all fit. This whole time I’d thought I was the victim, but really, I’m thevillain.
My vision is so blurred by tears that I can’t see where I’m going. I nearly crash into a tree, scraping my shoulder against the rough bark so hard that it spins me around. I sink to my knees in the cool moss and cover my face with my hands.
I killed my family.
I need to turn myself in, before I hurt anyone else.
Daemon arrives so silently that I don’t know he’s there until he sinks down to the ground beside me. “Embyr, what’s wrong?” he asks softly.
“Everything,” I manage through my tears, my voice coming out choked and froggy.
“It can’t be everything,” he says. “Because you saved our lives. You savedmylife. And there isn’t anyone else who can claim the same.”
“I may have saved your life…but I’m… I’m full of dark magic. That’s why those men have been chasing me. I’ve done terrible things.”
