Page 30 of A Court of Ash and Midnight
I yank open my door and jog to the end of the hall and down the stairs. Within a few minutes, I’m ducking out the side doors toward the sparring quarters and the stable. I turn right and travel through the barn and out into the field beyond. There, I find a path and cut north toward the mountains. Julian had said I could go anywhere within the borders of Shadow’s Keep, and I feel a hell of a lot safer out here beneath the sky than I do upstairs in that viper’s nest.
The fields and gardens soon give way to a forest. Off to my right, I can see the stone wall rising in the distance above the tops of the trees. But as I go deeper into the wood, even that vanishes from sight, and I can almost pretend that there are no walls, no borders, and that I am once again free. Or at least, as free as I ever was. When at least my fate was in my own hands.
Moss lines the path I’m traveling, soft and springy beneath my boots. I smell dirt and rainwater and growing things. Even the air seems to hold a golden-green hue, as if the forest is leaking into it. Some of the trees have lush greenery, others bear leaves of ocher or crimson or even a dark, dark purple like the night sky. It looks like spring and autumn together, as if time and seasons have blended here, warped by the magic that hums within the land.
Here and there, I catch a glimpse of an old wall, or a far-off crumbling tower rising through the trees, or something claimed by moss and vines that might have been a statue or a shrine. I wonder, as I had before, what flourished here before it became Shadow’s Keep? What is so old that it’s ancient even by faestandards? That seems impossible, but the evidence before me tells a different tale. Had this place been taken by peace or by force?
Gradually, the trail begins to climb, and the sun nears its pinnacle overhead. I can see the mountains looming ever closer, smell and hear the nearby splash of a waterfall. I want to keep going until I find the border on the northern side of the keep. Some urgent drive pushes me on. If I’m going to be kept here, I need to know the boundaries of my prison. It’s a morbid curiosity, an itch that must be scratched. This place may be huge, but it’s not endless. And I want to fully see the bars of my cage.
My answer comes around two hours later when I finally reach the roots of the mountains. There, where the stone shoves up from the earth in rising granite folds, the northern line of the wall is built right into it. It has a stark efficiency to it, utilizing the bones of the mountain as the base of the massive barrier that rises above. I walk to it and press my palm against the cool stone, looking up, cranking my head back to stare at the top of it. An echo of magic seems to pulse against my skin.
I remember then what Professor Julian had said about there being more than one nightmare, and I look around, wondering if somehow my touch had activated a spell, a summons. But nothing happens. It is silent here except for the wind sawing through the mountain peaks overhead. The clouds are back, steel gray and swift-moving, and somehow they comfort me.
The path I’m walking turns left and runs along the wall, so I follow it. Soon I hear the sound of rushing water in the distance, which grows into a roar the farther I travel down the path. Eventually the river comes into view, cascading in a huge waterfall through a gap in the wall. For a moment I think the path has come to an end, but then I see a tiny sliver of a trail running behind the crush of the water. Before I even reach it,I’m damp from the billowing clouds of mist coming off the falls, dotting my hair and clothes in tiny crystalline droplets. I step carefully behind the falls, setting each foot on the wet stone with utmost precision. If I slip, I’ll be dead within moments, dragged into the tumultuous current and hurled onto the rocks below.
When I reach the midpoint of the path, I pause for a moment. The noise drowns out everything here. I feel like I’m in a frozen pocket of time, where nothing else exists but mountain and water and the close rush of death. It’s exhilarating and peaceful at the same time. And I realize, in this moment, how much I want to bestill. For my life to cease its constant whirl. The running, the danger, the ever-constant motion. I want to put roots down. I want to grow somewhere. I want people to grow with.
I’d been running for so hard and so long, I’d never allowed myself to imagine it any other way.
I also want the truth. No matter how awful. I just want to know where I came from. Who I really am.
My face is wet from the mist, but I can still feel the hot tears that track down my cheeks. I stand in this place, this pocket of stillness in a wild world, and I let myself grieve, for the first time, the life I’ve never had.
Chapter Fourteen
The sun isfading by the time I make my way back around to the south side of Shadow’s Keep. Across the river, the castle and the other buildings in the compound rise in the distance. But there’s one more place I want to visit before I return.
My little secret garden looks as it had before, except there are now dozens of white flowers blossoming amidst the moss that covers the ground. I let the wall of vines that cover the entrance fall back into place, and I walk slowly through the walled space. A shiver moves over me as if I can feel the memories and time this place is steeped in. As if the spirits of those who came before are walking alongside me, whispering tales of their past.
If I were a spirit, what tales could I tell? I am missing most of my life, a fractured vessel walking this earth lacking vital pieces of myself. With a sigh, I sit down on a vine-covered bench and place my head in my hands. A breeze rustles the leaves of the nearby trees, carrying the scent of flowers and the river.
“There you are!”
I jump at the voice, straightening and turning in its direction. Toryn strides into view, the late afternoon sun hitting his golden hair and turning his eyes deep amber.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Professor Julian thought you’d tried to escape.” He stops in front of me, arms crossed over his chest.
“Escape? That makes me sound an awful lot like a prisoner.”
“He’s just worried… after what happened earlier.” Toryn frowns.
“News does travel fast around here.” With another sigh, I get up off the bench. “Alright, then.”
Toryn steps closer to me, blocking my path. “You know, you don’t have many allies here. The Guardians are not used to having a human in their midst.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, I’m well aware. You all have made that abundantly clear.”
“But I’m on your side. You know that, right?” Toryn reaches out and takes my hand.
“I do appreciate that,” I say with a small smile. “One person who isn’t trying to kill me. Well, two, including Julian.”
Toryn throws me one of his disarming smiles, and he strokes his thumb over the back of my hand. “I could… keep a closer eye on you, if you like. I’m sure you’d sleep more soundly if you shared your bed with someone.”
I can feel my eyes widen at his abrupt proposition. My pulse quickens and my stomach does a little flip, but not in a good way. Toryn is gorgeous, but there’s something about the way he said it…like he expected me to be grateful. Like Iowedhim.
I pull my hand out of his. “Uh, thanks, but I think I’ll be alright.”
His expression ices over in an instant. “Will you, though, Embyr? You should really think twice before turning me down. You’re lucky I’m paying you any attention at all.”
