Page 25 of The One Bed Rule
I reach out and grab his forearm, squeezing with my fingers. “Seth. I’m sorry.” And then all I can think about is how he had to drive us here, on those snowy roads, with the ice hidingbeneath the service. He took care of me even though he probably would’ve rather slept on the floor of the airport.
“It’s okay. Long time ago.” He tries to shake out his shoulders, like he can move on from the memory of the tragedy if he does it just right. “I thought my whole life was in Michigan, so part of me is thankful I’ve been able to find other things somewhere, like New York.”
“How did you get into this job?” I try to push him past the innate sadness I’m sure must rock him every single day. My hand is still on his forearm and part of me wants to pull him in close to me.
“I had a few connections from the fire department. At first, it started with me working the door at some clubs and bars. There was this specific night where one of my regulars was leaving with her boyfriend. He got aggressive, not even ten feet from the door I was working, and when I stepped in, it was one of the first times I felt like I’d found a part of my way. Like, I could still keep people safe.”
My eyes are wide and my heart is bursting—this man is truly something else in the best way. I don’t know everything about Seth but I know he loves to watch out for others. It’s key to him as a person, and that’s probably why he’s damn good at being Willow’s head of security.
“That’s actually pretty amazing. Think about all the good you’ve done. The people you’ve kept safe.”
His eyes drift and he doesn’t even have to say it.He couldn’t keep her safe.
“Maybe,” he suggests, his mind elsewhere.
It hurts to watch him like this, going through the internal boxing match he does probably more than he’d ever admit to.
“You kept me safe. And you absolutely didn’t have to. We were just going to the same place. Thank you for that.”
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” A corner of his mouth tries to pull up.
I squeeze his arm harder and his eyes fall to mine as I say, “It’s something to me.”
Twenty-Two
Seth
Ihadnointentionof telling Claire about Abigail tonight, but that’s where we ended up. It’s hard to think about how long I’ve lived without her, the life she didn’t get. One of the other reasons I ended up in New York was that it was one of her favorite places. We’d taken a few vacations and tried to fit in as many restaurants as we could in a short amount of time—she was a foodie.
I do love the idea of being happy in the place she loved so much. I’m not sure about the afterlife or what happens when we die, but part of me holds hope that she knows where I’m at, what I’m doing, and it doesn’t feel like I wasted the precious time I had.
A lot of people in New York don’t know I was married. It really does feel like I cut my life like a piece of rope, and tied it off. Then, I started a new one in a different state. Every once in a while, I go back to the old rope, all the things hanging from it,but they stay put after. Even if they wanted to come to New York, I always go back to them, not wanting to mix things up.
We’re rinsing dishes in the kitchen, the warm water rinsing the bubbles from the plates. I insisted on doing the dishes, since Claire cooked, but she was adamant we do it together. We make quick work of it, Claire drying the last of the dishes and putting them away.
She turns and faces me, hands on her hips, scanning for anything else for us to do in the back-to-immaculate kitchen—every counter wiped and everything spotless.
Slowly, she steps closer to me. She doesn’t say anything but instead wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my chest.
I hug her back and we sway back and forth for a few seconds. I knew it was the right thing to share with her, tell her about one of the pieces of me that’s rare to find, and she couldn’t have been nicer to me. There was no toxic positivity or bullshit take on how she’s in a better place or anything like that. It felt like everything I said…just was.
“I mean it. Thank you for taking care of me. And for making my birthday one to remember.”
She melts into me and her weight is like the weighted blanket my therapist told me about, the one I use when things get dark. The one that makes me feel like I can claw myself out of whatever hole I’m in.
“Could’ve done without the emergency landing, but, you’re welcome.” I hold her to me and feel her shake with a laugh. My own lips pull into what feels like a smile. And I don’t say it, but I feel it.
This means something to me, too.
The Fable Inn is mostly modern, but then Jess tells us about the hot water bottles she put in our room while we were having dinner and it makes me question my judgement. I’ve never come into contact with one until tonight, but it gets a ten out of ten for me. Even though she turned the generator on, the wind has picked up outside. It might be barely snowing, but you can’t see a thing. Plus, the wind is so shrill, it whistles as it creeps through parts of the window, making the room cooler than last night.
We’re under the blankets, Claire’s laptop balanced on her lap with enough battery for us to watch another movie—we’ll need to charge it tomorrow.
“Is now a bad time to tell you that the only thing I have downloaded are all of the Scream movies?” She puts a hand over her mouth, probably covering a laugh.
“Put the next one on,” I insist as she taps the keys. “I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I saw the second one.”
When she settles in, she curls into me, resting her head on my chest. Maybe we need to stick together for warmth or maybe this is just the pull. The place we end up. Either way, I’m not complaining.
