Page 114 of Scrooged for the Holidays
Greer
Holly’sRestaurantisopen,despite it being early on Christmas Day. Several cars are in the parking lot, which surprises me.
I sit in my SUV, staring out the windshield the same way I had when I arrived here three days ago. But now?
I feel like a different person.
No, not different,changed. Or should I say changing. I’m changing, transforming into a self I haven’t been since the day my mom took me to buy expensive ornaments over the handmade ones I had put time, thought, and creativity into. Love into.
So many times after that, the idea that money trumped all things was put into my mind. I thought money and success meant I would be loved or at least accepted. In one of the memories Kai showed me, I had wanted a snowsuit like Avery’s. But I didn’t just want one like hers because it was nice and new—at school, she got more attention for it, and some of the kids looked down on me for having one that was old and too tight. I felt out of place, unloved.
I started to seek out ways to be accepted and found that I’d get the most praise when I worked hard and achieved things. So I earned good grades, getting jobs babysitting and walking dogsbefore I was sixteen so that I could buy new stuff my parents couldn’t buy. It still never felt like enough for them, but looking back on it now, I think I misunderstood my parents.
I’d been replaying the memory with the ornament in my mind, the words my mom had said. When she told me we’d go shopping for nicer ones, she said she wanted me to have the very best. The more I sit with that moment, the more I believe she did love me, she just wanted better for me—not only in things but also in life. She thought if she could give me what Avery’s family had, then maybe I’d love her more. And truthfully, I never saw her throw out the ornament like I believed she had.
It’s not funny, but I laugh at myself. By not wanting to be like my parents, I became them but way worse. I repeated a cycle and in turn pushed those who loved me away to an extreme degree.
I think of that old woman—the future me—staring at the fire. The loneliness in her eyes. The cold and bare walls that surrounded her with no decorations or love in any part of that big, expensive house, one I obviously sacrificed everything to have and in turn had no one to share it with.
Remi’s ideas of wealth make more sense to me now. Money is useful, money can bring about change, but what is the point of money if you are alone? If the only reason you have it is in hopes that people will think more of you, where are you when that’s exactly the opposite of what happens?
The restaurant sign flickers, the red neon in need of an upgrade that Holly can’t afford. Yet the more I look at it, the more I see its charm. This place has soul, and I helped Northlight Capital nearly wipe Garland free of it. I was even excited about doing it, thinking I was doing the right thing, that I was helping the town. When really, I was helping line the pockets of people who don’t even live here, including myself.
My stomach turns over as I unbuckle my belt and spy my reflection in the rearview mirror. I’m going to have to tell Mr. Cross that I came here before Christmas, own up to this and to telling Tim to go to Carole’s Bar, even though he didn’t followthrough. If that means I lose my job, I’ll find a way to deal. But I’m going to do what I can to make this right with Holly first and then everyone else.
On my drive over here, I started cooking up ideas on how I can help save this place, ideas that will preserve the heart of her restaurant. I’d sent her a few ideas in an email in the past, but they were soulless, and I don’t think she has the resources to implement any of them. I just assumed that she’d find a way if she wanted to keep her place running badly enough, but I know better than anyone that just because you want something doesn’t mean you can have it.
I step out of my SUV. The parking lot has been freshly plowed, but packed snow on the blacktop still remains, crunching as I walk. The sound reminds me of Avery and our snowball fight. I am going to go find her next, but I needed to stop at Holly’s first. I also wanted to think about what to say to her and my parents.
I push open the door, the bell above it jingling. The sound of laughter reaches my ears, and the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls is in the air. It makes my stomach growl. It’s just after eight in the morning, and while I realize I didn’t feel hungry before, I do now. But I push that feeling away because I have to focus. I have a lot to get done, and I would like to return to Elysian Pines as soon as I can.
Saying goodbye to Kai, Remi, and Sam felt odd. I can’t shake the thought that there was something they weren’t telling me, but in the end, I wanted to leave and start making things right. Not to mention, this isn’t a movie where I quit the job I’ve worked my entire life to have, mend all my fences in one afternoon, and escape to a magical town to live the rest of my days with males who aren’t fully human. I don’t even know how it would all work.
Plus, it’s not like we’re together now. We enjoyed a few nights of the hottest sex I’ve ever had. But we didn’t exactly have timeto sit down and talk about if we could have any sort of future together.
I don’t know if they’d even want more with me. It’s not like we’ve known each other for long. And they’ve all had a relationship with each other for a hell of a long time.
Ugh! Why am I even thinking about that right now? Maybe it’s the need I’m feeling again, like a string attempting to pull me back to them. The sensation gives me hope that I will see them again no matter what. Remi did say,If you need us, we’ll be here. That has to mean something. But at the same time, do they really want to add a human woman to the mix who was, until now, a less-than-kind person? And that’s putting it nicely.
“You! What are you doing here again?”
Example one. Holly isn’t the first person to greet me in this angry way. People hate to see me coming, and while I would have written the reaction off as “just business” before, I can’t anymore. But I can change it. I can still be a successful businesswoman and do what I love without hurting people.
I hold my hands up in surrender as Holly approaches the hostess stand from the other side of the restaurant. The laughter I heard has stopped, and I turn my gaze to see a group of people sitting at multiple tables pushed together. A few children are playing with gifts, but the adults are glaring at me. I have no doubt it’s her family having an early-morning Christmas breakfast together.
“I’m here to apologize.”
The restaurant is completely quiet now save a few clinks of silverware and cheerful Christmas music playing in the background.
Holly scoffs. “I don’t believe you.” She points at the door. “Get out.”
I keep my hands up. “I’ll go if you want me to, but I really am here to apologize. It was wrong of me to come here the other day.”
She narrows her gaze at me, hands on her round hips. “You’re here because of the email I sent, aren’t you?”
It feels like years since she sent that. “I’m here because I feel terrible for the way I came here, for how rude I was.”
“Youshouldfeel that way.”
