Page 95 of The Interview
Dave comes around from the front and waits next to Sean, who’s reaching inside the car for me. I watch as he takes my hand and helps me out. I look up at him as he smiles down at me.
I can watch things like this and not cry, but my breath still catches at how beautiful he was, and my chest still aches with the unfairness of life.
The image on the screen pauses on me and Sean looking at each other.
“When you watch moments like this back, how does it make you feel?” Daniel asks.
“It hurts,” I tell him honestly. “The unfairness of life still causes an ache in my chest. Grief isn’t linear. It doesn’t follow a set path. I don’t think there’s a day that goes by that I don’t think of Sean, but my thoughts are different every time. Sometimes it’ll be a song, or one of his songs, and I’ll smile. Other times, like looking at this, I’m both sad and angry. Sad that no matter how much love we shared, how worshipped he was by the world, how talented he was, how much he still had to live for, he was killed. That none of that counted, and he was gone, taken in seconds. And then I get angry at the unfairness of life, that he died, my baby died, while rapists, paedophiles, and murderers get to live long, healthy lives.”
“Is it a struggle every day? Is it a struggle to have thoughts like that while moving forward, moving on with the life you have now? Loving your husband, your kids?” Daniel asks.
I sigh heavily. “No, not even a little bit. I’ve learned to compartmentalise… mostly. I loved Sean, but he’s dead. I lived, reconnected with Cam, and now I love him, our kids, and the life we’ve created. None of that detracts from what I had with Sean.”
I don’t know if I’ve explained myself in a way that anyone will ever understand. Maybe when I watch this back, it’ll make no sense, but right now, that’s all I’ve got to give.
Ashley’s hand finds mine and squeezes.
“Fucking hell, G, it’s unfair how pretty that bloke was,” she whispers.
“I know,” I whisper back, huffing out a small laugh.
What she’s said isn’t really funny. The laugh is just a quick release of emotion. At the same time, a tear I didn’t even know was threatening, spills from my eye.
Daniel’s been nodding this entire time, probably trying to process whether what I’ve just said makes any sense or not.
The footage on the screen begins to play again.
Sean, Dave, and I literally only make it a few steps when you can see the barrier up towards the entrance give way, but we’re oblivious. Milo herds Ash, Jimmie, Len, and the baby inside. I’m standing in the middle, with fans screaming on either side of me, when Sean’s hand is grabbed and he’s pulled forward. Dave reaches out to separate him from whoever has grabbed him when the barrier behind me collapses. People fall forward while others climb over the top of them. At first, I’m swept along with the crowd, then I just disappear.
Milo and Marley are trying to fight their way back towards us, Dave’s trying to protect Sean from the hands grabbing at him, and Sean’s trying to fight them off and get to me.
“Like, what the actual fuck did they think they were going to do when they got to him? What was it exactly they wanted?” Ash asks.
“This is horrific,” Jimmie states. “Watching it from inside was terrifying, but from this angle…. How nobody died that day, I’ll never know.”
“The organisers nearly did when Mac got hold of them,” Len says. “I literally thought he was gonna punch someone and we’d have a lawsuit on our hands. Which, just for a change, wouldn’t have involved Marley.”
“Oi! I heard that, motherfucker.”
We all turn to see Marley approaching the sofa. One of the sound team mics him up, and he sits on the arm next to Ash, leaning in to give her a kiss before turning to the screen.
“Ah, Tokyo. What an absolute fuck up that was, and as my brother so kindly pointed out, had absolutely nothing to do with me,” Marley says.
I watch the screen as Milo, Marley, Sean, and Dave all converge about ten feet away from where I’d last been standing. Mi leans in and literally picks a girl up under the arms, lifts her in the air, and hands her to one of the venue’s security team.Then he spreads his arms and holds people back, and Marley does the same. With Dave at his back, Sean leans in and picks me up.
I’m sobbing, but the boys don’t even check to see if I’m okay. I’m just surrounded by all four of them, my feet barely touching the ground as we knock people over to get to the doors.
The glass at the front of the venue is tinted so you can’t see in, but despite the pandemonium, photographers still fight their way to the front, press their lenses to the glass, and try to get their shots.
I’m not sure if any of them got anything, but I do remember I threw up in the standing ashtray just inside the doors.
“That’s insane,” I hear Tullulah say from behind me.
I turn to see Cam and the kids are now here. All of them have their eyes on the screen. Cam slowly shakes his head.
“How I escaped that with just two broken fingers, I’ll never know,” I say.
“How any of the organisers escaped with their balls still intact,I’llnever know,” Len says. “We threatened to pull out. Three nights sold out, and we threatened to walk away. They literally had an army of security there within an hour.”
