Page 95 of Chasing Blue
“Wespectacularly fucked things up. I think we can agree, we were both immature in the way we handled things,” I interrupt and tell him.
He shrugs and gives a quick head shake. “Whatever, it was a fuck up, whichever way you look at it, and yeah, it was definitely down to our immaturity, but it is what it is, we can’t go back and change it, but if we could, I honestly think that what we had back then, it was that good that we would’ve made a go of it. And I hate . . .” he closes his eyes for a long moment, “I fucking hate thinking about the time we’ve wasted, the life we could’ve had, and I’m not usually a believer in fate or karma, but I do believe that we’ve been given this second chance for a reason.”
I nod as he speaks.
“I do, too,” I whisper.
“So, whada we do with it?”
“I don’t know, it scares me,” I admit.
“Scaresyou?I’mfucking shitting myself. It’s been what, all of five minutes since you’ve been back in my life and I’m in deep, Blue. I’m falling hard and fucking fast. It’s like my heart has picked up exactly where it left off all those years ago, and suddenly I’m considering all the things I’ve spent my life avoiding since you left.”
“Like what?” I ask.
He moves us so we’re lying facing each other on our sides, his palm spread wide as it rests on my hip, his thumb brushing over my bare skin.
“When we get back home, if the police still haven’t caught up with Newcombe, I want you moving in with me.”
“What? No. Why?” Despite my words, my heart and stomach lurch as a thrill runs through me at the thought of waking up like this, with Jackeverymorning.
“Straight up, Blue. Even if the cops have caught up with him, I’m thinking about what it’d be like to have you living with me, us, living together.”
It’s my turn to look over his shoulder as I consider my response to what he’s just said. If I look him in the eye right now, I’m gonna grin like the cat that got the cream—or more like the pussy that got the hot dick—and he’s gonna know just how his words have affected me, and a girl has to hold some things back, doesn’t she?
But, because it’s what I tend to do around him, I keep nothing back and go for all-out honesty instead.
Letting out the breath I was hanging on to as I processed all of that in my head, I nod as my eyes meet his. “I could lie,” I tell him. “I could be all coy and girlie but fuck it. I’m a thirty-six-year-old woman, and I know what I want.”
“Yeah?” he says with a grin that again does things to my insides. Did back in the day, does today, will probably do it for all of our tomorrows.
“Yeah,” I respond.
“Tell me all about this, fuck it, you know what you want shit.”
“You. It’s you, Jackson Cole. I want you. I want us. If you want me to move in with you, then let’s do it. Let’s take a chance and give it a go. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Well, if you bring that mutt of yours, he might keep pissing up my leg,” he says with a nod, the smile now gone from his face.
“We come as a package, no Maca, no me.”
“Then I better invest in plenty of paper towel and disinfectant.”
“Is that it? Is that the worst?”
“He could shit on my foot . . . In my fucking shoe . . .”
“Seriously? Are we having a deep and meaningful about our future or cracking jokes?” I feign anger in my tone.
“Sorry, sorry . . . I don’t know, Blue, other than your dog having a problem with me, I don’t know what the worst might be, but if we don’t take a punt, how we gonna know?”
I let out another breath.
“You all right there?” he asks.
“I just keep forgetting to breathe,” I admit.
“It’s a lot. I know it’s a lot, and you’ve got a big couple of days in front of you. Let’s get all of that out of the way, get back to the bay, and go from there.”
