Page 68 of Loving Wild
Thankfully, we’re in one of the bedrooms with an ensuite, so I roll off the bed, straight into the bathroom. I clean myself up, grab the toilet roll, and turn on the shower before heading back to clean Lauren up.
* * *
Lauren’s breathing has slowed,but she’s not snoring yet, so I know she’s not fully asleep. I’m on my back, she’s on her front, in the recovery position, lying half on, half off me. My fingers trace haphazard patterns over the soft skin covering the curve of her hip.
Exhausted after our drunken sex, followed by our abandoned attempt at shower sex—she’s too short, I’m too tall, we’re both too tired—we’d literally fallen into bed just a few minutes ago, but there’s something I need to say to her before I can finally go to sleep.
“Ren?”
“Hmm?” The sound she makes vibrates across my chest where her head is lying.
“Are you okay with what we did earlier? I put my hands on your throat, I didn’t think until after . . . I don’t need you to go into details, I don’t want to know the shit he did to you unless you want to talk about it at any time, but if I ever do anything you’re not comfortable with . . .”
“At any time earlier, did I give you the impression I wasn’t enjoying what we were doing?” she lifts her head up and says.
“No.”
“No,” she repeats and holds my eyes in the near dark for a second before laying her head back on my chest. “I trust you. I feel safe with you. You putting your hands on my throat is entirely different to what he used to do to me.”
She tilts her head and looks back up at me with a frown, the whites of her blue eyes the only feature I can clearly see in the dark room.
“I don’t think I have any triggers, but I can’t say for sure.”
“I scared you when I lost it before, when I kicked the chair in the garden.”
“There ya go then, maybe I do have triggers, but unless you’re gonna start kicking furniture around while we’re having sex, I think we’re good.”
I relax back into my pillow before bringing up the second thing I need to say.
“Thanks for today, baby.”
“Thanks for what, anal?”
I let out a chuckle into the dark, and even though she can’t see me, I take a moment to smile down at her.
“Definitely for that, but also for being part of today, for making an effort with my family. I know being here, around Jackie, can’t have been easy.Ifucking hate being around her, so I know you must do too.”
“Apart from her, I’ve loved spending time with your family, your dad’s great.”
“He is. My family are mostly cool too.”
“I love how close you all are. It makes me happy that you’ve had that growing up.”
“I think losing our mum played a part in that, made us closer.”
“Losing our dad had the opposite effect on my family, we all fell apart for a little while. We’re good now though.”
“Have you spoken to your mum lately?” I question. I knew that she’d called her mum and told her that she’d split up with East, but I didn’t know if she’d told her about me yet. I feel her shrug against me.
“Not really, it’s on my to-do list. She’s always thought Jason was a saint and should be canonised for putting up with me for all these years. I need to be in the right headspace when I tell her about you.”
“Is she gonna hate me?”
“Not once she sees you. She’ll be like, ‘cor, Lozza, he’s fuckin gorgeous.’ Then she’ll probably squeeze your bum cheek or your arm muscles, or something else totally inappropriate.”
“Can’t wait.” I look down to find her grinning up at me.
“I bet you can’t. Knowing you, you’ll lap it up.”
