Page 34 of Loving Wild
I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard, so once I’m done showering, I pull on a pair of thick black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. I own at least a half dozen of the things with various different designs on and find them really comfortable to wear around the house, and not look like a slob if anyone knocks at the door. Today’s choice is a soft, dusky pink colour, possibly picked to coordinate slightly with Ava’s bedroom, although I will never admit to being that anal. It has a big mustardy yellow sunflower on the front with a bee circling it and the words ‘Let It Bee’ written in cursive beneath. The tops are designed to hang off one shoulder, so I wear a vest underneath that matches the colour of the sunflower perfectly.
I then spend the next ten minutes debating what to put on my feet.
I decide on my pink UGGs because they match my sweatshirt.
After telling myself at least twenty times in the mirror that I’m not nervous, putting my hair up in a messy bun, high ponytail, a single plait, then leaving it loose, I put it back up in a messy bun. After drying my clammy palms on my leggings, I put on minimum makeup, spray myself with perfume, then go pour myself a large glass of wine.
Standing at the timber bifold doors, I stare out towards the bay. Rain hits the glass, and the droplets, along with the low cloud, obscure my view of the beach across the road.
I had views of the beach from my old house. We were a bit further along the peninsula and a few streets back, but because our house was on an elevated block, we had amazing views across the bay.
Thoughts of my old home lead me to thoughts of Jay, and I wonder how he’s coping in prison. I know I shouldn’t care, but you can’t live with and love someone as long as I loved him andnotcare.
Can you?
I press both my palms against my wine glass in an attempt at cooling them down. At the same time, I take in a few deep breaths through my nose before breathing them out through my mouth slowly.
If I don’t calm myself down, I’m going to end up having a panic attack before Gabe arrives with Ava, and that is definitelynotthe way I want our first meeting to go. After a few more deep breaths, I take a large swig of my wine and attempt to arrange my thoughts.
I do care that Jay’s in prison. I care about the impact this is having on my kids, and despite what he’s done to me, I care about what this might do to Jay.
I don’t hate him, but I do hate his actions.
I just want him to get the help he might need for whatever is going on with him, and to get better.
Turning away from my rain-washed view, I go looking for my phone and hook it up to the sound system. At least that way, if there are any awkward silences when Ava arrives, there’ll be a playlist that will always remind me of the moment. Because that’s what life’s all about, right? Moments and playlists.
* * *
Young and Wild’s‘Let’s Do This’ is playing softly when the alarm beeps to let me know the gate’s opening. I nod, agreeing with the title of the song and how appropriate the band’s name is for this moment. If Ava hates me on sight, I will forever think of Callum Wild and Max Young to cheer myself up.
Then I panic. What if she really does hate me? So many reasons why Ava won’t like me fill my head, and have it spinning, or that could be the wine.
The wine! What if she goes back to her mum and tells her I was drinking this early in the afternoon? Four o’clockish on a Friday is normal for me and most of my friends, but it might be frowned upon by others. Sprinting back to the kitchen, I pour what’s left of my wine down the sink, wash up my glass, and put it in the cupboard without drying it. Running to our bathroom, I squeeze some toothpaste onto my finger, rub it around my teeth, rinse with mouthwash, and then run back to the kitchen. I just get to the top of the stairs when I realise the wine bottle is still out, I backtrack, shove it into the fridge, then race down the stairs.
Feeling like I’m falling apart on the inside, I plaster on a smile and swing the front door open just as Gabe’s truck pulls to a stop in front of me.
Chapter 9
Gabe.
As I turnthe engine of my truck off, my eyes are on Lauren who’s leaning against the frame of the front door.
I won’t lie, my heart skips an extra couple of beats at the sight of her standing there, waiting for me, for us, looking so fucking gorgeous. My mouth pulls into a smile I don’t even attempt to fight.
“Wow, Dad, she’s really pretty,” Ava says from the passenger seat, looking past me and out to where Lauren stands.
Without responding, I open the door and climb out. Lauren’s smile widens as her eyes meet mine. I don’t miss the way the hand that’s not pressed against her rapidly rising and falling chest, opens then fists at her side or the way her cheeks are flushed. Moving in, I kiss one of them before saying against her ear, “Nervous?” Kissing her ear before stepping back to meet her eyes, I grin.
“Absolutely fucking shitting myself,” she says through her teeth.
Ava arrives at my side, and I throw my arm over her shoulder, my own smile hiding how important this moment is to me. I’ve never, not even once, introduced my daughter to a woman I’m involved with because other than fucking them, I’ve never been involved with a woman. Not until now. Not until her.
“Ava, this is Lauren.”
“Hey,” Lauren starts to respond but gets no further when Ava steps in for a cuddle.
“Oh, I get a cuddle. Wow, that’s, thank you,” I can hear her mumble against my daughter’s shoulder, who, despite being only twelve, is already taller than Lauren.
