Page 26 of Loving Wild
“You’ve sooked like a baby all afternoon. You’ve barely said a word since lunch.”
This time, he sets me away so he can look down at me. “I wasn’t sooking.” He shrugs. “Freddie messaged that East’s team were making an urgent appeal against his bail refusal.” My head spins, Gabe’s hands move to my hips and squeeze. “It was heard this arvo and been refused again. He’ll stay remanded until his next court date. I didn’t like keeping it from you but didn’t want to tell you till I knew the outcome.”
My legs feel like they can’t hold me up, and I’m grateful that Gabe’s holding onto me so tight.
“His legal team will probably appeal this, but right now, he’s not due back in court till early September. I just . . .” His gaze travels around the room before coming back to meet mine. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that, so wasn’t sure when to tell you. That’s why I asked if you wanted wine, I thought you’d drink it with your dinner, then I’d tell you after we eat, and the wine could soften the blow.”
My head’s spinning, my stomach churning, both happening for lots of different reasons.
I was safe. For the next few weeks at least, I was safe, and right until that moment, I hadn’t realised how badly I’d missed feeling that way. I move my hand to cover my mouth, but I’m too slow. A loud, guttural sob escapes at the same moment my legs finally give out.
I don’t fall. As usual, like he has been through all of this, he’s there. Gabe, my saviour, is there. He scoops me up like I weigh nothing and carries me to the sofa.
“This is what I was worried about. This is why I didn’t say anything,” he says against my ear as he holds me against him.
I don’t know where it comes from, I feel like I’m being hit with a tidal wave of emotions and they’re smashing down the protective wall I hadn’t even realised I’d built around myself.
“He—he can’t get me?” I choke out my question. “They’ve locked him up in a proper prison?”
“He was sent to Melbourne Remand Centre in the city this afternoon. That’s where they’ll keep him till he goes back to court.”
Now that my walls are down, I’m smashed withallthe feelings, including guilt. Jay’s going to prison. My husband, the father of my children, the man I’ve shared so much of my life with will be spending tonight not locked up at the police station, but in an actual prison cell, and I don’t know how I should feel about that, all I know is, right now, I feel sick to my stomach that I feelanything.
“I think I need to go and lay down. Do you mind if I skip dinner?”
“I’d rather you try and eat something,” Gabe’s warm breath fans across my tingling skin as he speaks. I feel like I have pins and needles from head to toe, and I can’t stop shaking. “What if I run you a bath? Then you try and eat something after. After that, see how you feel, and we can have an early night if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t need a bath.”
“I just thought it might chill you out a little bit, I can feel you shaking against me.”
Needing a moment to myself, I nod and ask, “Will you go run it for me? I’ll be there in a minute.”
His eyes do their standard dance across my face as he gauges my emotions and whether he wants to leave me.
“I just need a minute,” I explain.
I feel him sigh, resigning himself to letting me go, and I love that he has that internal battle going on, that he cares that much. That he loves me.
Yeah, afternoon dining table sex, declarations of love, and my husband going to prison have definitely left me with a lot to think about.
“I’ll shout ya when it’s ready,” he slides me off his lap and says. “Want me to wash your back . . . or front? I’m available to do both,” he adds and brow wiggles, which earns him an eye roll.
“I’ll see you in there,” I tell him as he sets me down and leaves.
I watch him go, knowing already what it is I’m feeling.
It’s love.
I love him.
I don’t want to be without him. Not while I take a bath, not ever. I don’t care if it’s too soon, if it’s unconventional, or if people are going to talk about us. I no longer give a fuck.
He puts up with my bullshit and all the baggage I bring to our relationship, and despite all of that, he says that he loves me. We have issues and demons, but as long as we’re able to communicate what we’re feeling, what we have is hopefully real enough that we can work our way through it all.
The Jason situation, there’s nothing I can do about that. He’s brought all of this on himself. He’s now facing the consequences of his actions, and although my heart hurts for the man he once was, it feels nothing for the man he’s become.
Standing, my legs and insides still shaky, I make my way to the bedroom and undress.
