Page 16 of Loving Wild
“Maybe I should move in with you, give him a break from me and all my bullshit.”
“Like fuck is that gonna happen. Say goodbye, Ren. You and me need to talk.” Gabe’s voice travels from the kitchen to the bedroom. I roll my eyes and let out a sigh.
“You hear that?” I ask my son.
“Nah, what’s he saying?”
“Like fuck am I moving out.”
“I make him right, moving out isn’t going to solve your issues . . . I mean, if you’re serious, you know you can come here . . .”
Gabe appears back in the doorway.
“Hang on a minute, Fred,” he says into his phone.
“She’s going nowhere, East. Stop fucking encouraging her. Now say goodbye to Mummy. She can call you later when we have news.”
“Bye, Mum. Bye pussy-whipped step-dad,” Ryder calls.
I stare open-mouthed as Gabe takes my phone from my hand, swipes to end the call, then leaves with it in his hand.
Holding my face in the palms of my hands, I close my eyes and draw in a few deep breaths. Letting them out slowly, I take a moment to consider the crazy, fucked up life I’m living right now. I feel like every decision I make and conclusions I come to, I backtrack on within hours, minutes sometimes.
I hate what Gabe did last night, but I know in my heart, I’d much rather move forwardwithhim than without him.
Climbing out of bed, I head into the bathroom. Once I’m done doing what needs to be done, I wash my hands and gently splash my face with water. After patting it dry with a towel, I inspect the latest damage in the mirror. The inside of my cheek still stings. The split in my lip doesn’t look or feel too bad, the same as the small cut on my cheek, but I now have light blue bruising along my jaw all the way to my chin.
Feeling around my head with my fingertips, I find the lumps to the side and back are still very much there, the swelling having only gone down slightly. Despite all of that, I don’t look as bad as last time.
I let that thought sit for a minute as I stare at myself. Is that what happens to women or anyone in an abusive relationship? You compare the assaults and start looking for the good points, grateful that this one wasn’t as bad as the last?
I let out a snort as I attempt to hold on to my sob at that thought. I don’t want to give any more of my tears to Jason East and what he’s done to me, but I’m feeling beyond emotional and teary this morning. I’m tired, angry, hurt, confused, and so many other feelings I can’t put a name to. I have a dull ache in my head, and the ache I had in my lower belly is now accompanied by that heavy dragging feeling you get right before a period, which would explain why I’m feeling all sorts of emotional.
I just want a quiet day on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket while I dunk jammie toast and chocolate biscuits in my tea or coffee as I mentally regroup.
“Let’s do this,” I tell my reflection before blowing myself a kiss and heading out to the kitchen in search of coffee, Gabe, and my phone, in whatever order I find them.
Chapter 5
Gabe.
“Thanks,Freddie. I’ll wait to hear from you. Cheers for everything, mate.” I end my call to our lawyer while watching Lauren move towards me. Putting my phone down next to hers, I slide the mug containing the coffee I just poured towards her. Taking it, she leans back against the kitchen bench and takes a sip, closing her eyes as she does.
I love seeing her like this. Her face makeup-free, hair piled up in a perfect mess on top of her head, plain black leggings, an oversized hoodie with the word Queen in leopard print across the front, and leopard print UGGs on her feet.
“You’re not moving out,” I state. “I know I fucked up. I know I need to do better; I need to work on my anger, my communication, but we . . .” I gesture between us, “you and me, we’ve got this, and I amnotletting thatfuckerof an ex of yours come between us.”
I watch as she rolls her lips between her teeth while staring down at the floor. She raises her head, closes her eyes, and sighs before slowly opening them and pinning me with those stunning blues of hers. We’d make the most beautiful babies together, her and me. The thought hits me out of nowhere. Her hair, my skin, her eyes, a little girl . . .
“Youeverwalk out on me when I need you again. You won’t have a say in what happens between us because I’ll be gone.”
“Fair enough,” I agree. “Let’s get something straight right now though, I will fuck up again. I’m a bloke. We do stupid shit. We say stupid shit. I’ll fuck up and say and do things you won’t always like, and that might mean removing myself from the situation if I can’t get a grip on my emotions, but that’s not me leaving you. That’s me doing what I think is the right thing to do.”
She nods but then shakes her head. “Can we not work on that?”
“What?”
“You not losing your shit and having to remove yourself?”
