Page 42 of Loving Wild
I hand him his beer, and he pulls me sideways across his lap with his free hand, kissing me gently on the mouth once he has me where he wants me, which is exactly where I want to be.
“What about Jess and Sam, are they close with them?”
His hand slides under my top, across my belly to my waist. His thumb finds my nipple, which he gently brushes and nods. “Yeah, but they’ve got their own kids. Dani would sleep over and help me out when Ava was younger, or if I had to take her into work with me, they’ve just been around each other a lot more than the other two. They’re probably more like sisters than aunt and niece.”
I listen to what he’s saying, but all the while, I’m thinking about the casualness of his actions. After weirding out about coming home to him just a few minutes ago, now that I’m here, sitting in his lap, his hands on me, it feels natural, normal. This isn’t only where Iwantto be, I’m exactly where I’mmeantto be.
“That’s nice, I’m glad they’ve got that too.”
We’re both quiet for a moment. His thumb continues its strokes across my nipple as his lips brush against my neck and jaw.
“Dani told you about my dad’s birthday?” he asks with his mouth against my ear. The warmth of his breath makes me shudder as my internal muscles pull tight.
“Yeah,” I respond before taking a sip of my drink.
“I was debating not telling you . . .” My eyes close as every insecure cell in my body sends a flood of thoughts to my brain.
You’re not good enough.
He’s embarrassed by you.
He doesn’t want you meeting his dad.
You’re not the kind of girl you take home to meet the family . . .
“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about going to their house, meeting her.”
Opening my eyes, my gaze meets his. “It’s your dad’s birthday, the rest of your family will be there.”
His thumb moves from my nipple, his hand slides to my hip, and he gives it a squeeze.
“I can meet my dad for lunch on his own, or with you—in the day. She doesn’t have to be there. If it’s just me and him, she knows better than to come along anyway.”
My head spins a little with the way my thoughts are pinging around my head like a pinball.
“How do you do it? How do you function being in the same room as her?” I ask the question that’s been bothering me since he told me about his step-mum.
He shrugs before letting out a breath so deep, the movement of his chest shifts me as I sit in his lap.
He pulls his hand from under my top, passes his beer from one hand to the other, and takes a swig before saying, “I love my dad. If he knew the truth, it’d destroy him. Not just because he loves her, but because he loves me, all of us kids, more. He’d never forgive himself for putting me in a position where what she did, happened. He’s had three heart attacks, a stent and a triple bypass. I’d rather rock up to a family function she’s at, show my face for five minutes, then move on than risk anything happening to my dad.”
My eyes are on his as he speaks, my heart hurting that he has to make that choice.
“We were young when we lost our mum. We want the ol’ man to stay around for as long as possible.”
My throat and eyes burn, and my nose tingles at the memory of losing my own dad.
“I totally get that,” I say quietly, leaning the side of my face against his chest so he can’t see the tears escaping my eyes.
But he knows. His hand comes up to cup my face, this time it’s my tears his thumb sets to work on, swiping them from my cheeks.
He kisses the side of my head, leaving his lips pressed against my temple, he quietly says, “Sorry, Little Bird, didn’t mean to upset you.”
I try to hold on to my sob, but it escapes with my words. “It still hurts so fucking much. It’s been almost thirty years, and it still hurts the same.”
“Rilassati, calma il mio amore. Sono qui, ci sono io, ci sono io.”
Using the sleeve of my top to wipe at my nose and eyes, I sit up so I can look at Gabe.
