Page 108 of Loving Wild
My ovaries might be pushing middle age, but fuck me, they still dance a fandango around my womb.
I think I forget to breathe until I hear Gabe tell Ava, “You got a new baby brother. Mum’s good, bubs good, and you can have the day off so we can take you to see them.”
She steps back and looks up at her dad, mouth wordlessly hanging open for a few seconds before she bursts into tears.
“Hey,” Gabe wraps her tight in his arms and says. “What’s all this?” My heart squeezes watching them together. His blue eyes look from his daughter to meet mine. He gives me a wide-eyedhelpkind of stare, along with a smallwhat the fuckshrug, but I remain silent and let her work out her feelings.
“They’re happy tears.” Ava sniffs into her dad’s chest.
“Well, dry them up, else you won’t be able to see the photos Dean sent me,” Gabe tells her.
She wipes at her face with the sleeve of her pyjama top and smiles up at him as if trying to prove she’s not crying anymore.
That’s when I move. Sliding off my stool, I come around to their side of the bench and give her a cuddle.
“Congratulations on becoming a big sister again,” I tell her.
“Thank you,” she whispers through a teary smile.
“You can’t visit till this afternoon. Wanna hit the shops and go buy him something?”
“Yeah.” She nods enthusiastically.
“Cool. Want some breakfast, a drink?” I ask.
“Just toast please, and some juice.”
“Your dad made berry smoothies. You want one of them?”
“Yes please,” she replies distractedly as Gabe shows her the pictures of her brother.
I tell them to shift around to the other side of the bench and set about making Ava’s breakfast, wondering how Gabe feels about Lena’s new baby. How would I feel if it was Jay? I think it would be weird more than anything. Jay’s older than me by a few years so him starting again at forty-seven would just seem weird, although, if he ever sorts his shit out, he could meet someone younger who wants kids, so it’s always a possibility.
I’m a little bit surprised at myself for being okay with that, for hoping that he does sort himself out and gets to have that.
When Ava finishes eating, she takes her smoothie downstairs to call her mum and friends. After Gabe calls the school to tell them she won’t be in today, he sets his phone on the counter and looks across at me.
We’ve swapped positions. He’s now sitting at the bench, and I’m leaning back against the sink.
“What?” he asks.
“Is it weird?” I ask. “A woman you share a child with having a child with another man?”
Gabe takes a bite out of the Vegemite toast I just made him, and I try not to gag as he chews and swallows before answering.
“What’s weird is that I don’t really feel anything. It’s like . . .” He pauses and rakes his top teeth over his bottom lip, causing flutters inside me. “It’s like she’s not part of the equation. I have Ava, but I never really think about Lena being part of that. She’s part of Ava’s life, so by default, she’s part of mine, but I don’t think about the fact thatwemade her, she’s just Ava’s mum. Does that make sense?”
“Kinda,” I tell him.
“My only real concern is how any of this impacts my daughter’s world. I was worried when she cried because of what she told us before about feeling left out, but with how quickly she jumped at the chance to go shopping with you, I think she’s okay, and was telling the truth, they were happy tears.”
I give a small laugh at his assumption.
“Heads up, babe, shopping is therapy for women. We’re pissed off, we shop, we’re happy, we shop, depressed we shop big time, usually for shit we most definitelydon’tneed. Basically, whatever emotion we might be feeling, it’ll always be a valid reason to shop.”
“Good to know,” he says with a smile. “But thanks for suggesting it, I’ll give you my card, and you can buy her some stuff as well. Dean asked if she could stay here for the rest of the week, and it’s her weekend with us anyway, so she’ll be here till Monday, and I’m not sure she has enough clothes.”
“You don’t need to give me your card,” I tell him.
