Page 94 of Saving Ren
“Great. Fucking perfect.”
I start the truck and drive towards the retail park on the edge of town. I keep the music low, the silence between us almost deafening.
“Is she good? I mean, if she’s got you going back more than once, there has to be more there than just the fact she apparently doesn’t want more. . . which, incidentally, I call bullshit on. She wants more, she wants more so fucking bad that she’s willing to wait around for whatever you’re prepared to give her.”
“Think what you like, that’s not how it is with me and her.”
“Whatever. Answer the question.”
“Which was?” I know what the question was, but I’m buying time because I donotwant to answer it.
“Is she good, Gabe?”
“It’s sex, Ren.”
“And that’s your answer?”
“I don’t know what else you want me to say. I apologised that you had to hear the conversation, but I won’t apologise for having sex with someone before I even met you. You heard me tell her we won’t be hooking up again, you heard me tell her I’m with you now. What more exactly do you want?”
I hate shopping at the best of times, and as I pull into a parking spot outside a furniture store, I know for a fact I’d rather be anywhere else on this planet right now.
“I’m sorry,” Lauren says quietly.
Cutting the engine, I turn to look at her as she stares out the windscreen, arms still folded across her chest.
“I'm sorry, I’m behaving like a brat. It was hard, ya know?” She pulls her shoulders up to her ears and holds them there as she turns and looks at me, letting out a long breath.
“I get you’ve got a past, I’d rather it wasn’t in my face like that, but, like you said, shit happens. But it’s not that. . . going backthereto whatwasmy house, my home, it was hard. Thenhercalling, it was just the icing on the cake of my shitty morning.”
“Babe, why are you doing this to yourself? You didn’t have to go back there today, you didn’t have to tell me to answer that call, you didn’t have to question me about the sex I’ve had in the past. It’s like you’re deliberately trying to punish yourself and sabotaging whatwehave at the same time.”
She lets out a long shaky breath and nods slowly.
“You’re right. Self-sabotage, that’s exactly what I’m doing.” Turning to look at me, her jaw trembles and tears fill her eyes as she talks.
“I don’t feel worthy, Gabe. I don’t feel like I deserve you, or this second chance at possible happiness. I just caused an argument for no reason. . .”
“Babe, get the fuck over here,” I interrupt. Shifting my seat as far back as it will go, I lean across the centre console, slide my hands under her armpits and pull her into my lap. Holding her against me, I breathe in her scent, loving the fact she smells like me and our home.
“I think I might need some professional help,” she sniffs out against my neck.
“Totally understandable considering the shit you’ve been through. If that’s the case, and you think it’ll help, then we’ll get it for you, but please, let’s not argue over things we can’t change. I promised you total honesty, Ren, so when you ask me questions about my past, I won’t lie to you. I’ll always give you that honesty, but it’s a two-way thing. When we pulled away from your old house, you should’ve told me that you were struggling, we could’ve gone home, camped out on the sofa and watched the shitty reality shows on the telly you love so much. We could’ve done anything you wanted, all you had to do was let me know.”
She brushes under her eyes with the palms of her hands and looks down at me. She’s makeup-free with her hair piled on top of her head. A few wispy curls have escaped, and I tuck them behind her ears.
“No, I want to get the stuff for Ava’s room. Working on that will give me something to do during the week, keep me from overthinking.”
“You can redecorate every room in the house if that’s what it’s going to achieve.” I lean in and kiss her nose, which leads to a kiss on the mouth, her hand sliding into my hair, our tongues tasting. A car door slams, reminding us we’re in a public place, and we pull apart.
“C’mon,” I tell her. “Let’s go buy my daughter a new bedroom.”
Chapter 26
Lauren
After payingfor the furniture I’d chosen for Ava’s bedroom, we headed across to the other side of the retail park for bedding, sheer window coverings, a rug, and some throw cushions. While I was in my element, Gabe was mostly silent, and it has my paranoia kicking in.
After my tantrum earlier, no one could blame him if he was finally sick of me, done with my drama and meltdowns.
