Page 62 of Saving Ren
She’d run me a bath down in Gabe’s guest bathroom earlier, and, using a jug she’d found in a kitchen cupboard, she’d washed my hair.
“So, you going to fill me in on what’s going on between the two of you? And don’t say ‘nothing’ because if there was nothing there, you wouldn’t still be here, you’d have gone to Ryder’s or your mum’s, aaaaand, I’ve been around the pair of you, and the way he looks at you, I don’t know how you haven’t combusted. Seriously, Lauren, I nearly combusted.”
Sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest, my face tilted up to the ceiling, I take a moment to enjoy the warmth of the water Jo pours over me. The sensation relaxing my tight muscles, easing some of the tension in my body in what feels like the first time in forever.
“You can tell me, you know. There’ll be no judgement from me, ever.”
Jo is very much a live for the moment type of girl, something I’ve always admired about her. She has a man’s attitude to sex, something you don’t often find in women our age. We’re from a generation who were encouraged to be good girls, to save ourselves for ‘the one.’ We were raised to believe it’s okay to slut-shame, that to be a promiscuous woman is so very wrong.
But Jo, she’ll sleep with who she wants, when she wants, and she doesn’t give a fuck what others think. And that’s okay with me because that’s what works for her. That’s what makes her happy. Maybe if I’m single long enough, I can let go of some of my own preconceived ideas about women and their sexuality I was raised to believe were true.
“I know you wouldn’t judge; it’s just that I don’t really have an answer for you. I honestly don’t know myself what’s going on between us.”
I let out a deep sigh as she massages shampoo into my scalp, avoiding the area that’s glued together.
“I like him. He’s been so good, letting me stay here when he barely knows me. He hasn’t pushed anything to happen, hasn’t put me under any kind of pressure. I mean, we’ve kissed, a lot, and there have been hands. . . on bare skin a few times, but we’ve gone no further than that. I think he knows I’m not ready. . .”
“You’re a stronger woman than me then. There’s no way I could be holding back from all that’s Gabriel Wild grinding up against me.”
I open my eyes and send an eye roll in her direction, accompanied by a head shake.
“What? Have you seen that man, and I don’t just mean the way he looks, I mean, have you actually seen him? He’s been so worried about you, he’s called me almost daily to ask if I’ve heard from Jay, he’s called and asked what wine you like, what food you like. He wants to make you happy, Loz. He wants you safe and he wants you happy.”
“I know. I’m aware of all of that. It’s just me. I’m not sure I’m ready. I’m worried that it’s too soon.”
“Is it you who thinks it’s too soon, or are you worried that other people will think it’s too soon?”
I shrug because I’m not entirely sure.
“Fuck other people, their thoughts are exactly that, theirs, and they have no bearing on your life, the way you live it, or the decisions you make. If you want it and it feels right, then go for it. He’s obviously into you, so don’t hold back just because you’re worried about what others will think. Seize the day, Lauren. What’s the worst that could happen? If it doesn’t work out, move on. At least you’ll do it knowing you gave it a go, and if the rumours are true, at least you’ll have the memories to get you through the dry times.”
“I have the pool bloke coming in the morning. He’s gonna test the spa and pool for me and get them up and running so you can use them while I’m away if you want,” Gabe says, interrupting my contemplative silence as I recalled what Jo had said to me earlier.
I’m lying on top of Gabe on his sofa. I listen to his heartbeat and his voice echoing through his chest, with my ear pressed against it. His fingers draw lazy circles on the bare skin of my back, making me feel loose-limbed and relaxed.
“I thought the spa might be good for getting some of these knots out of your back and shoulders, and swimming might tire you out enough that you don’t have nightmares while I’m away.”
“I don’t have any bathers,” I say without looking at him.
His hands slide down inside the pyjama bottoms I’m wearing, and he gives the bare skin of each of my arse cheeks a squeeze.
“Works for me,” he says with a kiss to the top of my head.
I lace my fingers across his chest, rest my chin on them and look up at him, letting out a long slow breath as I do.
Out of curiosity, I ask, “What happened to the unit I was supposed to look at? The one you said would be. . .”
His hands release their grip on my arse, and his entire body tenses beneath me as he cuts me off.
“You said you couldn’t afford a place of your own yet. You had shit to sort out.”
He stares down his perfectly straight nose at me as he speaks.
“You said we could come to some arrangement over the rent?”
His head tilts to the side, brows drawn down over those expressive blue eyes of his. “You don’t want to be here?”
I swallow and lick my lips as Jo’s words rattle around in my head. ‘Seize the day, Lauren!’
