Page 121 of Saving Ren
“I can’t believe the front of the woman, that she did that to you and then stayed around and married your dad.”
“She’s a cold-hearted bitch, she’s there for the money and won’t let anything get in the way of that.”
“Great, can’t wait to meet her.”
I slide my hand up the back of her hoodie and brush my fingertips across her bare skin. Contentment and calmness settle over me, and so much fucking relief I can barely breathe. I pull her in tight and hold her there.
We sit for a while in silence, and I wait for the questions she’ll no doubt have.
“How do you get on with your dad? I mean, I can’t even imagine how. . . sorry, do you mind talking about this?” she eventually asks.
“I hate talking about it,” I tell her honestly. “But if you’ve got questions, I’ll answer them.”
“Do you feel better now you’ve told me?” she ducks her head so she can look right into my eyes as she asks. I won’t lie to her. I want her to know the truth.
“I wouldn’t say I feel better that you know. Going back to your first question, I love my dad. He’s a good man and I don’t want you to judge him because of the woman he ended up married to.”
“I’d never do that. That’d be like people judging me for Jay’s behaviour.”
I get the weirdest sensation in my gut as she speaks.
“I’m relieved. That’s how I feel about you knowing. I don’t feel better, but I’m relieved I’m not keeping it from you, relieved at your reaction, and relieved that you get what I mean about not judging my dad. When you meet Jackie, you’ll understand why he fell for her. She’s a chameleon. For him, she’s the perfect wife, to me and my brother’s, she’s. . .”
“An abuser,” Lauren cuts me off.
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“There’s nopretty much,Gabe. There’s no grey area with this. How old is she?”
“About fifty-five, I think.”
“So she was around thirty-five when it happened, your age. That’s like you putting your hands on one of Ava’s mates.”
I close my eyes. I don’t even know how to process that.
“Yeah,” I say quietly. “It’s because I’m a bloke, I just always assume that people won’t see it that way,” I admit.
“Who cares what people think? We know the truth; your brothers and their wives know the truth. Does your sister know?”
“No, Dani was only five when it happened. We’ve never told her.”
“Your sister’s ten years younger than you?”
I nod before broaching another topic I rarely discus. “Yeah. My mum miscarried twins when I was about five, the doctors told her no more babies, but she desperately wanted a girl. They tried for a couple of years, nothing happened, then when they’d given up, she fell pregnant.”
“That’s so sad. She waited all that time for a girl, and never got to see her grow up, to see any of you grow up.”
“Yeah,” is all I manage to squeeze out around the ball of emotion in my throat.
“This is a lot, Gabe. Not just what Jackie did, but losing your mum so young. Have you had counselling?”
“Yeah, my brothers arranged it, well, Jess, my sister-in-law did.”
“Did it help?”
I let out a sigh as I consider my answer. I never talk about any of this to anyone, but Lauren makes it easy. I want her to know the truth. Like she’s said, If I expect total honesty from her, I need to give her my own. And now she knows the worst, I want her to know it all.
“It did a bit. I think the thing I’ve never come to terms with, is how disappointed I think my mum would be in me.”
