Page 10 of The Story of Me
“I’m not saying it makes it right, George. I’m just trying to help you understand why you did it, and to make you realise Sean never loved anyone else. Like the song and the tattoo and your fucking ring tone tell you, there’s no one else; there never was. It was only ever you, George, so pack that box up, stop looking for evidence for something that never happened and live happy with the fact that Sean loved and never cheated on you.
“One day, for the right reasons, you take the time to read all that shit he sent you. Read it because you just want to know what was going through his head, not what he may or may not have been doing with his dick.” He finishes what’s left in his glass and points a finger at me. “Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself, George. You did a shitty thing, but you crying ain’t gonna change that, and it certainly won’t make you feel better.”
Well, there’s nothing like a bit of straight-talking Aussie advice to put things into perspective. He hasn’t finished with me yet, though.
“I bet you were half-hoping you’d find evidence he had been unfaithful, just so you would feel better, weren’t ya?” I nod and wipe my nose on my sleeve. There’s no point in lying; I was, but at the same time, I wasn’t. It would kill me to know he had been unfaithful or that there was a chance he had a child running around out there, but it would have made me feel a bit better about my own actions. I look up from my lap and my eyes meet his.
“I don’t mean to be a bad person, Jax. I just, I start out with good intentions, but I always seem to manage to turn things around so they’re all about me.” Jackson gives a little laugh and shakes his head.
“You’re far from a bad person, George; you’re just human. We all make mistakes, darl. You’re still only thirty-two. The life you’ve lived, the things you’ve experienced, most people wouldn’t achieve them in ten lifetimes and you’ve achieved them before your mid-thirties. I’m sure if the rest of us lived life at the speed you have, then we’d all be in for a few more fuck-ups.”
I smile as I look across at him. “How’d you get so clever, Jackson Bell?”
He smiles back at me, his blue eyes shining, and he shrugs, “I dunno, living here changes ya. There’s no bullshit here. What’s the point? It’s a small place, everyone knows everyone else and if you bullshit, well, then there’s a good chance that at some stage, it’ll come back and bite you on the arse.” He tilts his head up slightly and says, “Lies will get ya nowhere, George, especially if you tell them to yourself.”
Chapter Five
“Go and splash your face and put some make-up on; Roman’s back in town, and he’s playing in the bar for a couple of hours. He’s good, you should come and listen. Give us your professional opinion of the local talent.”
I pull my knees up so the heels of my feet are on the edge of the chair and smile across at him. “I don’t have a professional opinion, Jax. I was married to a musician; I’ve never claimed to be one.”
He frowns as he looks across at me. “Your brother and your husband are members of one of the biggest bands in the world, and you don’t think you’re qualified to give a professional opinion? Bullshit, you’ve been around music longer than any so-called professional out there. Go and pretty yourself up, and don’t worry about giving an opinion; just come and listen. Emily’s gonna meet us in about twenty minutes. We’ll get some tea and then listen to the music. I’m not leaving you up here on your own tonight.”
I actually don’t feel much like being on my own, so I do as he says. It doesn’t take me long to change and be ready. Getting ready to go anywhere in Australia is actually quite hard for me; I’m so used to heels, make-up and designer labels, whereas here, it’s more vest, denim cut-offs and a pair of flip flops. The girls here always look pretty and very girly, but in an effortless kind of way, and coming from my background, it takes a lot of effort to make my look, look effortless. After thirty minutes, I think I’m there.
We head downstairs to the bar, which is pretty busy for a Sunday night; my aunt and uncle are both working tonight, which is why I got the day and night off. Jackson had reserved a table earlier right at the front, and he tells me to sit while he goes and gets drinks and orders our food. While he’s at the bar, Emily arrives. She is just gorgeous. She, too, is a surf instructor and an Elle Macpherson lookalike. She is possibly the most laid-back person I’ve ever come across.
“Hey, Georgia, how’s your day been so far?”
“Good, Em, how are ya?”
She nods as she looks around the bar. “Where’s Jax?” She sits herself down in a chair and smiles serenely at me. I know she and Jax smoke a lot of weed between them, but Emily just seems to float through life on a fluffy cloud; at least, that’s the aura she gives off.Obviously, because of the work they do, they aren’t really permanently stoned; that’s just the way Em always is, away with the unicorns, with or without the weed.
“He’s at the bar getting drinks and ordering food; he said he knew what to get you.”
She nods. “Yeah, my baby knows what I love.” She winks at me but says no more. I would love just five minutes inside her head; rainbows, unicorns and pink fluffy clouds are what I would probably find. Jackson arrives back at our table with a bottle of wine in an ice bucket with two glasses and a beer for himself. He places it all on the table and then leans down to Emily, who looks up at him expectantly.
“Hey, beautiful.”
She smiles serenely again, “Hey, baby.” He leans in and kisses her full on the mouth, at the same time cupping her boob in his hand and brushing his thumb over her nipple, not giving a shit about anyone who might be watching. A little pang of jealousy spikes through me at what they have together, but I deal with it by pouring Em and me a wine. Life goes on, and the rest of the world is entitled to love and be loved. An amazing man loved me exceptionally for most of my life; I need to focus on that, rather than what I’ve lost, I tell myself. It doesn’t work, and I blink back tears and gulp down my wine. Jax and Em finally return from their rainbow-coloured cloud of love just as my aunt comes over to the table.
“Hey, George, Em.” She kisses us both on the cheek, pulls up a chair and sits down with us.
“You’re in for a treat tonight, George. Roman’s back in town, and he’s a right spunk.” I spit my wine at her term, remembering the word spunk means something completely different here.
“Mum, Georgia’s English, remember? That place where you come from, where spunk means sperm, semen, jizz? I don’t think Rome would appreciate being referred to as any of those things.” Jax shakes his head as he talks to her, and Kathy turns back to me and winks.
“Shut up, Jax, I just forget sometimes. Georgia, Roman is well fucking fit and his singing ain’t bad, either,” she says in her best cockney accent, which isn’t bad considering she’s lived in Australia for over twenty years. “We only get the pleasure of him during peak season; he works in the mines the rest of the year, but takes four months off and sings all around the local bars while he’s home, ours being his first port of call. Should be a good crowd tonight. I’ll have to introduce you to him. He’d be just your type.”
I smile back at her, I know she means well, but it’s far too soon for me. I’ve not even thought about other men since Sean, and I’ve not had a single stirring of desire in me. I wasn’t sure if that was to do with having my wombremoved, or if it was because I was still grieving, but either way, I hadn’t felt the need for sex once, not even with myself.
“Oh, yeah, George, Roman is definitely hot,” Emily agrees. Jackson raises his eyebrows and looks at her. “But not as hot as you, baby. I just meant for George, not for me. You’re all I need.” I’d actually heard different to that. Brooke had told me that Jackson and Em have a pretty out-there relationship and often have threesomes with both other men and women.Oh, well, they seem happy enough; let them live the way they want to.
Kathy stands from the table as the waitress, Zoe, brings our food over. “Enjoy, my lovelies. I’ll send some more drinks over in a bit.” She heads off back to the bar as we tuck into the house special, a world burger.
When I can’t possibly eat another thing, I head off to the ladies room, and as I return to our table, I see him; he’s talking to Jackson. I continue walking towards our table, then he turns his head, his eyes meet mine and it’s instant. I don’t know what it is, but something moves inside me very slightly and my step falters. It’s such a minor sensation, but I feel it and I don’t like it; it unnerves me. He stands up straight as I approach, and his eyes don’t leave mine for a second; they are the most amazing ice-blue, almost grey, and I can’t help but hold his gaze. I reach the table and finally look away from him, and down at my chair.
Before I can sit, Jax says, “George, this is Roman Peterson, a good mate of mine and a bloody good singer.” I look back up and he’s still staring at me. I suddenly worry he knows who I am and my heartrate increases marginally. “Roman, this is my cousin, Georgia. She’s come to stay with us for a while, all the way from London.” He puts his hand out to me across the table, and I look down at it for a few moments before taking it.
