Page 113 of The Story of Me
“What happened?” I ask Marley, who, I notice is also fully clothed and dripping wet.
The boys start to speak, but Cam points his finger and they both fall silent, their big brown eyes looking from me to their dad.
“Your daughters had a difference of opinion and one of them ended up in the pool.” All eyes turn to Lu.
“Well,” she says, turning her baby blues and all her charm to Cam, “it was like this, Daddy. Kiks had orange flip flops on with her pink Aurororora dress and I said they looked ugly together and she pushed me and I pushed her back and she fell in the pool and the boys jumped in to save her and then Uncle Marls jumped in to save them all, but I didn’t mean it, Daddy, and she pushed me first.” Her eyes fill with tears as the boys and Kiki start to all talk at once.
“Shush, the lot of ya!” Cam shouts over them. “One at a time. H, you’re the eldest, you start.” Harry frowns as he looks at Tallulah and shakes his head. I can’t help but smile at how much like Cam he is.
We have told him a little bit about Tamara. He knows that she’s his mum and she’s now in Heaven and that Cam chose me to be his Mummy instead. He’s never really asked any questions and he has only ever known me as his mum. As far as he and the rest of the kids know, they are all special. We have told them that because Mummy’s belly was broken, they had to be grown in Ash and Jim’s bellies. As they get older, we will explain things to them in a more adult way, but for now, they are happy with those explanations. I want Harry to know about his birth mother, but I also want to protect him from the truth of what she was and what she did. Cam and I have decided that if he asks, then we will tell him as much truth as we feel is age appropriate.
“Lulah told Kiks that her flip flops were ugly,” Harry starts, “and that a princess would never wear flip flops, so Kiks said that Tink would never wear Converse and that Lu looked stupid.” His big brown eyes look between myself and Cam. “And Lulah just pushed, just like that; she just pushed, and Kiks went in the water and all her dress puffed up and I thought she would drown and so I jumped in and then George jumped in and we pulled her to the side.” He stops talking and takes in a breath.
“Is that what happened, George?” Cam asks.
George nods. “Yeah, then Uncle Marls jumped in and pulled Kiks out.”
Marley has been into our bathroom and passes towels to the boys and wraps one around Kiki’s shoulders before passing her to me, saying, “Yep, that’s about it. I’m off to sort my own tribe out. Good luck with this lot.” He winks and shuts the door behind him as he leaves our bedroom.
“Come here,” Cam says to the boys and they obey him instantly, joining us on the bed. Cam is a strict but fair dad. He’s always calm with the kids, and where I tend to fly off the handle, he generally keeps it together, Tallulah being the only one who pushes his buttons.
The boys sit cross-legged at the end of the bed and Cam shifts Lulah to join them while I strip Kiki out of her wet princess outfit and dry her off some more with the towel. Cam reaches down the side of the bed and hands me his T-shirt, taking Kiks from me so I can slip it over my head.
“Mummy’s nudie under there,” I hear H whisper as the other three giggle. Cam looks at me and tries not to smile at the kids’ remarks. Luckily, he’s still wearing his jocks and I admire his beautifully sculpted arse, back and legs as he climbs out of bed to get one of my T-shirts from a chair in the corner of the room and puts it over Kiks’ head. He sits her at the end of the bed with her siblings and climbs in next to me.
“Tallulah, what you did today was a very bad thing. You must never, ever push anyone into a swimming pool. You shouldn’t actually be pushing people anywhere, but especially not into swimming pools. Your sister could’ve drowned.”
I’m so glad in that moment my kids have all been swimming since they were babies. We have a pool at the house and a lake in the grounds and it had been something I was paranoid about. Because there were four of them, and it was easier, we’d hired an instructor to come to our house twice a week and give them lessons from an early age. They were all now strong swimmers and even knew what to do in an emergency.
“But I did drown, Daddy. I drowneded a lot before the boys and Marls saved me,” Kiki says.
“You didn’t drown, baby. If you had drowned, then you would be an angel in Heaven right now,” I tell her.
“Oh, well the water all came out my nose like I was drowneded,” Kiki adds.
“Nobody drowned, but they could have. Do you understand that, Lulah? What you did was very dangerous. Kiks could’ve drowned and then your brothers could’ve drowned, too, trying to save her.”
Tallulah looks mortified. Her eyes shine with tears and her lips are trembling. I want to pull her into my lap and give her a cuddle, but she needs to understand the dangerous consequences her actions could’ve had.
“What d’ya have to say to your brothers and sister, Lu?” Cam asks her. Her eyes are wide and she looks pleadingly at me to help her out, but I know I have to make her face up to this one, so I keep my look impassive, slightly raising my eyebrows to let her know that I’m waiting for her answer.
“I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I just pushed you, Kiks, I didn’t know you was gonna fall in the pool, I didn’t want you to be drowneded and then be deaded. I’m sorry.”
“What about your brothers? What’ve you got to say to them?” She can’t resist giving a defiant little huff that doesn’t go unnoticed by me but I keep quiet.
“I’m sorry, brothers,” she says quietly.
“Good girl,” Cam says to her. “Come on, give your sister a cuddle.” Tallulah tilts her head to the side and I know she’s thinking about it. I’m just about to say something when she turns and cuddles her sister, then says, “I love you, Kiks.” She then proceeds to clamber up the bed to kiss Cam and myself. The boys not wanting to miss out, dive in for kisses and cuddles too, which, because they’re boys, ends in a wrestling and tickling session with Cam, all of them turning on me and take turns tickling as Cam holds me down. He then pulls them off me and piles them on top of each other at the end of our bed and we both sit back and watch as they wrestle with each other.
Cam pulls me into his side and kisses my temple. “I love the fuck out of ya, Kitten.”
I smile up at him. “You better, Tiger,” I tell him. He gives his head a small shake as the kids all jump on us, and the room once again erupts in laughter and screaming.
It’s moments like this I will treasure forever. I’ve taken a long and winding road to get to this point in my life. Despite the tragedy and loss I’ve experienced, I still consider myself lucky. I have loved and been loved by two amazing men. There’s not a day goes by I don’t think of Sean, Beau and baby M, and there is a part of my heart that will forever belong to them. There’s also a piece of my heart that will always be broken, irreparable, but I have now learnt to live with that. I’ll never get over my loss. What I have done is learn to accept how that loss makes me feel. I have healed to a certain degree and I’ve allowed Cam to help rebuild my broken heart from the bricks that were nothing but a pile of rubble after Sean’s death. I’m not the same person I once was. How could I be? Death and loss changes you, but I accept those changes and I embrace them. They’re part of what makes me who I am, something and someone I never imagined I would or could ever be.
I’m Georgia Rae McCarthy King and this was the story of me, wife and mother of four. I am loved and no longer alone. I’m once again part of an ‘us’ and it’s no longer just me.
Cam
