Page 2 of Conviction
“Fuck,” I hissed out between my teeth. Josh turned to look at me and away from his cousin Amy’s boyfriend he’d been talking to. He must’ve followed my stare because I heard, “fucking hell” from beside me.
Sophie had on a skin tight, gold, satin type dress and she looked about twenty. She was a pretty girl, tall, with long blondish hair, but she was Josh’s sister and I’d known her since she was three. I just didn’t view her as anything other than a little sister. Meebs, on the other hand, she had played a starring role in many of my wet dreams and right-hand encounters over the past few years, which, yeah, made me a complete perv but what can I say, the girl just did things to me, she always had. If I allowed thoughts of her into my head, she probably always would. That’s why I’ve spent so many years blocking out the fact that she even exists. Blocking out the taste of her lips, the curve of her hips, and the scent of her hair. I shut it down and take control, always. Never again will I let a woman own me like she did, never afuckingain.
That Christmas night she had on a pair of skin-tight black leather trousers and a red shiny top, which literally looked like a silk hanky hanging from her neck. It was held together at the back by a few chains crisscrossing her bare skin. She had tits now. They weren’t big, but they were noticeable, and my dick had most definitely noticed them. She was still tiny. Five feet one or two at the very most, but she most certainly wasn’t skinny anymore. Her waist was still small but fuck me, she had hips and the sexiest, roundest, little arse I’d ever seen.
“Reed!” Josh smacked me in the chest with the back of his hand.
“What?” I snapped back at him.
“Jailbait, mate. She’s off limits till she’s sixteen.”
I let out a long sigh. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But I’m only human, you can’t blame me for looking.”
“Look all you like,” he replied, “just keep your hands to your fucking self.”
I didn’t leave her side for the rest of the night. Fuck! I didn’t leave her side for the next year. We were inseparable. For three whole months, we did nothing but hold hands and kiss when we were together. She was a good girl, not yet sixteen and as desperate as I was to change all of that, I already loved and respected her too much to force her into anything before she was ready.
Then one night in November, my brother Tyler asked if I would babysit my nephew, Ethan. Meebs took the night off work but lied to her parents and we actually got to spend our first night together. Our first time together. Her first time… ever. She was a virgin and she chose to give her beautiful self to me that night. We’d been seeing each other for almost a year and I swear to God I’d nearly died a million times over from the worst case of blue balls ever in those first few months. The muscles in my right arm were getting at least a twice daily workout and my hand permanently ached… but I loved her, she wasn’t ready and I was prepared to wait. It had taken three fucking months before she let me even touch her tits, three months. Another three before I got my hand in her knickers and we were together a whole nine months before I’d finally convinced her that my dick didn’t bite and I’d be more than happy if she would just give it a little stroke.
And then she did it, fuck me did she ever?With words of encouragement and instructions from me, I got my best wank ever. She was shaking and so nervous that she was doing it wrong, but as soon as she saw my reaction, the effectshehad onme, the power it gave her overme… that was it. My blue-eyed angel was gone, replaced by a five foot nympho, who suddenly wanted me as much as I wanted her. Hands, mouths, tongues and teeth, we just couldn’t get enough of each other, but the opportunity for actual sex just never happened.
Then that night at Tyler and Jenna’s it did. It was soft and beautiful, it was slow and so fucking delicious. She was it for me, my everything. No other girl or woman existed on this planet the night she gave herself to me. If I’d had any doubts before, the moment that I finally slid my body inside of hers, our fingers laced together either side of her head and our eyes locked, they were gone and I was done, hers.
At that moment, when that first tear slid from her eye and rolled back toward the pillow and she whispered, “I love you Conner, I love you so much.” I knew there and then that I loved her like no other and would love her forever. But now, all these years later, I try constantlynotto think about that night. It’s locked away with every other memory of her. Thoughts of her ruin me. I don’t hate her, but I hate what she did, and I hate that she didn’t turn up. I hate what happened because she didn’t turn up and I hate that afterwards, when all the shit hit the fan, she never once tried to contact me. So yeah, fuck her! Fuck her and the ache she still has the ability to cause in my gut and my chest, on the rare occasions that thoughts and images of her manage to slip their way into my head. Fuck her for still having the ability to cause that lump in my throat and that squeezing sensation of my heart.
“Oh, come on Neen, what’swrong with you this morning?”
I rolled my eyes at Sophie. “Will you please stop asking me that? There’s nothing wrong. I just don’t have the money to spend on new clothes right now. We’ve just had Christmas and I’m skint.” I wasn’t. I’d hardly spent a penny on Christmas and had been saving religiously since September, but I couldn’t tell Soph that. She was my best friend and I loved her like a sister. She knew each and every one of my hopes, dreams and desires, but she had no idea about my plans for that night. As far as she knew, we were meeting up and going to a friend’s party to see in the new millennium. I felt bad for what I was going to do to my best friend, but I couldn’t let her know. I didn’t want to put her in a position where she’d have to lie on my behalf. So the less she knew, the better.
Despite the miserable expression on my face, I was buzzing inside. I couldn’t wait to see Conner later, and I couldn’t wait for us to set off on our new life together. If there was another way, then we wouldn’t be doing this, but my parents just wouldn’t see reason. They never did. They’d had my life all mapped out for me. Do well at school, go to college, then on to uni’. Then throw away all of that studying by marrying someone respectable, producing a couple of kids and staying at home and becoming a dutiful housewife, by being at my husband’s beck and call. Supporting him at all times, while he made his way up the corporate ladder at whatever mind numbingly boring profession he might possibly have.
The problem was, most of those options weren’t included in my life plan. Not that I really had a plan. Not for my life, not for anything. I wasn’t much of a planner, much more of a free spirit and it drove my mother insane. She hated that I didn’t feel the need to wear the latest designer label and that I didn’t need the latest phone, handbag or accessory on the day they came out – or ever for that matter. I was a jeans, hoodie and Converse kind of girl back then. The biggest plan I’d ever made in my life was for that night. That plan would change everything. It would get me away from my stuck-up parents, arsehole of a brother and the stockbroker belt town that I’d spent the last sixteen years growing up in.
“Neen… Nina. Oh look, there’s Conner.”
“What, where?” I looked up at Sophie, then around the chaos of the Primark store that we were in.
“Well, that got your attention. What the fuck is wrong with you? I think you need coffee or an energy drink. Were you and Con up till late getting down and dirty again? How many times is that now?” Soph elbowed me in the ribs while I blushed.
We did get down and dirty that night. Well, as down and dirty as you can get in the back of a car in December, but we did all right. I shudder as I thought about his hands on me. He was my first, my one and only and I loved him like nothing on earth. Not only was Conner smoking hot to look at, but he was just so beautiful inside. He’d had a shit life, but despite the hand that was dealt him and the awful thing that he’d witnessed as a small child, he was a good person and we loved each other with such an intensity that I wanted to cry every time I looked at him.
Soph finally bought a halfdozen pieces from the Primark sale and we headed back to the car. I didn’t want a coffee or an energy drink. I wanted to get home and pack my bag. It was just after twelve, I was meeting Conner in our local Sainsbury’s car park at six.
It was as we approached Sophie’s car that I heard him call my name. Sophie and I turned at the same time to see my brother and his best friend Marcus walk toward us.
In the ten or so steps it took for my brother to reach us, the pain ripped through me. I was confused at first, I didn’t know what had hit me. My breath and my step faltered as I walked toward my brother. The sharp pain eased, leaving me with a dull ache, down low in my belly.
“Where are you girls off to?” my brother asked.
I opened my mouth to answer and the pain hit again, this time much worse than before. My legs went from under me, spots appeared in front of my eyes and everything went black.
Istand on the edgeof the stage, eyes closed, arms raised, caught in the draft of the giant fans sitting in the wings, my hair lifts off my neck and it feels good, so fucking good. I count the beats to the final drum roll of our last song for the night... for the tour in fact and wait for the roar of the crowd as I pull my earpiece out. I open my eyes and look out across the sea of faces, arms waving in the air as Jet throws his arm over my shoulder and kisses my cheek. He’s wearing a white feather boa around his neck, black leather jeans and he’s shirtless and barefoot. Gunner Vance and Dom Trip, our drummer and bass guitarist join us front and centre of the stage, and we all take a bow.
We’re done. Eighteen months on the road is finally over. I’m going straight back to England tomorrow, and I won’t have to look at the ugly fucking faces of my other three bandmates until sometime next year. Well, I’ll probably see Gunner at some stage as we live not far from each other, but the other two are crazy Americans and unless we have any public appearances scheduled, then naaa, I’m done travelling for a while. I’m heading home, home to England, my house, my dogs, brothers, nieces and nephews and I can’t fucking wait.
A pair of knickers land at my feet as a girl screams, “Reed, take me home, take me home and fuck me.” I bend my knees and shield my eyes from the house lights that are starting to come on so I can get a better look at her.
Jet leans down and says in my ear, “Get her up here, just in case the rest don’t show, man.”
