Page 105 of All the Forbidden Things
I watch as she smiles shyly, her eyes shifting from my face to stare down at the cushion on her lap as she tries to fight it. She loses the battle and looks back up at me almost grinning, which only makes my own smile grow bigger.
Now for the hard part, the part that terrifies me . . .
“It won’t be fun to start with. In fact, I think it’ll be absolute shit.”
Billie
My heart, which had beendancing the tango in my chest, stops. Dead. The absolute pure joy I felt at his words and the smile I’d been fighting to contain evaporates.
“What’ll be shit about it?”
“I’m scared that it’ll all be shit for a while, that no matter how much crackle we have, it might not be enough.”
“That crackle, it’s going nowhere. It’s there, and for me, it’s only growing stronger. The current that flows between us, the shock I get from it, becomes more powerful every day, I hate being away from you,” I tell him.
“You know that they’re gonna come at us from all sides, though, Bamm, youknowthat, right?” Max’s voice takes on a pleading tone.
“I know. I get that. I’ve been living on the sidelines ofyourkind of life for most ofmine. It’s not like I’m going intousblind.”
“We don’t even know what we’ve got yet, we don’t even understand what theusmeans.” He lets out a breath as I study him. His words, this conversation, the shower I took earlier and the water I chugged from the tap in my bathroom have sobered me considerably, and I’m now fully focused on him, and what this all means.
“I’m not sure whether I should be running far, far away from you, or scooping you up in my arms and taking you somewhere with Layla where you’ll never be able to leave my side.”
“I choose option two.”
“My heart does too, but my head’s all over the place. I’m thirty-eight, my life’s a mess—”
“Then let’s do this together, let’s get it all straight, your life, your head, your heart … unless you don’t really want to?”
“Of course I want to. I can handle whatever they throw atme, it’s what they’re gonna throw atyouthat’ll piss me off.”
“Well if I can deal with it, you’re just gonna have to. Stop looking for excuses, Max.”
His head tilts to the side as he takes me in, a smile lifts the corner of his mouth.
“What?” I ask, curious as to what he’s thinking.
“You’ve got your shit together so much better than I’ve got mine.”
“I really haven’t, I’ve just been in situations that’ve made me learn to go for what I want. I want you, so I’m going for it.”
“So what was that all about earlier, all the tears and telling me to go?”
“That was alcohol and me being an immature twenty-two-year-old. I should’ve just come to you and asked you outright if you’d said those things about me, instead of sulking and just being sad about it the last few days.”
“You should.”
“I’m working on it, I’m twenty-two remember, I’m still dealing with my teenage angst and insecurities.”
“Please stop reminding me how young you are, you make me feel like I’m taking advantage of a poor defenceless—”
“Oh please. I came to your house last night, Prosecco drunk, and looking to rip your clothes off. I might be immature at times, but I’m still female, hence the insecurities.”
His head pulls back, and he stares at me wide-eyed for a few seconds.
“I don’t know why you’d believe I’d say something like that about you anyway. I’m more than a little disappointed that you would.”
I stroke my fingers across the velvet cushion cover and consider my answer.
