Page 70 of CowSex
“Bed. I’m tired. Got a bit of a headache and my arm hurts.”
“You pissed at me?”
I hook my middle two fingers under her chin and tilt her head so that she has to look at me.
“I’m not pissed at you. I’m disappointed with myself, but not pissed at you.”
“Why?”
Her face is still angled towards me, but her eyes are again not meeting mine. A mild sense of panic starts to build in my chest, and I don’t know why.
“Things got out of hand earlier. That...what happened between us...that shouldn’t have happened, and I’m sorry. If it’s gonna make things awkward, I’ll move to a motel.”
I want her to look at me, but she continues to deliberately avoid eye contact.
“No, you won’t. Why would it be awkward? We talked about this. Nothing complicated, no strings, right?” My voice takes on an almost encouraging edge as I try to convince her not to back out.
“Yeah, we did. But now that I’ve had a moment to think, I can’t do it. I’ve never done it, it’s just not in me.”
“You don’t even wanna try?” The panic’s building and my words don’t hide the fact when they rush out fast and accusatory. It’s wrong to make her feel pressured, I know this, and it’s not something I’ve ever done to a woman before.
“No. I don’t.”
“Is it because of the call I just took? Because if that’s it, it was nothing.”
Her eyes finally meet mine.
And I wish they hadn’t.
“It was nothing? So, Lexiisn’tone of your casual, no-strings fucks?”
My breath comes out in a whoosh, escaping through both my nose and mouth. My thoughts race to come up with an answer.
I don’t want her to leave the room. To go to bed alone. And it has nothing to do with my wanting to fuck her.
She’s obviously hurt, and I hate that I’m the cause. Answering my phone without checking who was calling was a dick move. Hell, answering my phone at all wasn’t one of my best ideas.
“That’s what I thought.” She turns and pulls away from me.
I respect her enough not to lie. Gracie is far from dumb and will see right through me anyway, but I can’t leave things the way they are.
“Wait, Gracie? I’m sorry. You go to bed if that’s really what you want to do, and I promise, things won’t be awkward tomorrow. Answering that call was a shitty move on my part, and I’m sorry.”
She remains perfectly still as I speak. I’m not sure if she’s still debating with herself over what to do next, or waiting for me to say more.
“Will you still come shopping with me and help pick bedroom furniture for my kids?”
It’s all I have. I’m not gonna force her into anything she’s not sure about, and I’m in no position to offer her anything more than I already have. At least this way, I get to spend the day with her tomorrow. She’s good company, and I need the help.
She turns slowly to look at me. “If that’s what you want, Koa, I’m still happy to help.”
Koa. Not Cowboy. No attempt to flirt with me. Her voice is flat, her eyes barely landing on mine.
“It is. I mean...yeah, please. I would like that. We’ll make an early start and head over to Aspen. There are some great stores out that way.”
She nods. Turns away from me again and walks towards the stairs. The robe she’s wearing is light blue, and for the first time, I notice that across the back is a silver crown and the words “Queen of Fucking Everything”. It’s so Gracie that it makes me smile.
All I can do is watch her leave, unsure of why I so badly want her to stay, or at least to ask me to join her.
