Page 40 of CowSex
“Danielle had broken her right leg, her left wrist, collarbone, and a few ribs. Our little girl was delivered by emergency caesarean, but she didn’t make it.”
A noise escapes my throat, and I cover my mouth with my right hand to try to contain it. Pain shoots from my fingertips, up my arm, and straight to my heart.
“Her blood alcohol was almost four times above the legal limit. She’d been out to a bar, Gracie. She was six months pregnant and had taken Kai out with her to a bar the next town over, hoping no one would recognise her. She left my son sleeping in the back seat of her car while it was parked outside a fucking bar—”
“Koa. I don’t...I’m so—”
“Would you do that, Gracie? You’re not even a mother yet, but would you do that? Leave a child outside a bar, alone in a car day or night? Any child, let alone your own? A child you’re supposed to love and be ready to lay down your life for. Would you?”
I shake my head. “No,” I choke out.
His story, the bourbon, what’s happened to me the past few days—fuck, the past few months and years—starts to collide. Each thing individually has gotten to me but combined, tonight, watching the anguish on this man’s face, it’s all too much, and I let out a sob.
I cry while watching silent tears track from Koa’s eyes, disappearing into his beard. I’m at a loss as to what to do. How to act or react. What’s appropriate?
I move on instinct.
My arms wrap around his neck, and I pull his head down to rest on my chest.
“I should’ve fought harder for custody. I should’ve spent money on a lawyer like she did. I fucked up, Gracie, I fucked up.”
“He was with his mum, Koa. He should’ve been safe. What happened is all on her. Her and that rich fucker of an old man, who spoiled her all her life and gave her everything she ever wanted, instead of what she needed.”
“Wasn’t just, Kai. My baby girl, Kalia, she didn’t die in the crash. They carried out the emergency caesarean, and she was breathing, but there were problems. Danielle had been drinking hard liquor throughout her pregnancy. The baby was so small, too small. She had heart and lung problems. She just wasn’t strong enough.”
I don’t even attempt to say anymore. There are no words to help ease the heartbreak Koa must still be feeling to this day.
I hold him close and let him cry his silent tears.
GRACIE
IT TAKES ME A FEWattempts to open my eyes and at least thirty seconds to work out where I am.
I’m on the sofa in Koa’s front room and have a faux fur blanket tucked around me. The telly’s off, but the fire has been stacked with logs and is burning fiercely.
The cabin is quiet, but I can hear a faint noise coming from outside. I shift to my back and let last night’s events roll through my mind.
Intense doesn’t even cover it.
I’m not clear on what happened once he’d told his story, and we’d both cried. I think we must’ve both passed out. I know that I definitely did. Too much bourbon and too much emotion left me mentally drained.
I sit up slowly and stand to head upstairs to take a shower and dress, all the while I replay Koa’s story in my head.
Checking my phone, which I’d completely forgotten I’d left up here on charge the night before, I see that I have missed calls and texts from Kod, Rod, and Reggie.
Kod and Rod’s texts are just to check in and let me know that everything is fine at the office, so I scroll to Reggie’s.
Reggie:The fuck, Grace? Where are you? Call me? I’m worried.
I check my world clock on my phone and work out that it’s around four in the afternoon in London, so I text him back.
Me: Hey, Reggie, I told you in my note not to worry. I’m safe and enjoying my travels. I’ll call once I’ve decided when I’m coming home, which will be in about six months. If you want to move my stuff out of the master bedroom and move yours back in, I’m fine with that. Just put everything in the spare room, and I’ll get Kimmie or Ryan to come around to collect it. Hope you’re well. Take care. Gracie.
I hit send. Reggie really needs to get his head around the fact that we’re over. Yeah it hurts, we’d invested a lot of years into our relationship, but now I’ve had time to reflect, I know it’s for the best. We want different things. Truthfully, even if there had been a chance of us working our shit out, that ended when he stopped coming home weekends and after I found his makeup-covered shirt soaking in the sink. I don’t hate him for it. I just respect myself more than that.
I scroll through my Spotify playlists until I find one of my own labelled “EdEle” containing a mix of Ed Sheeran and Adele songs. I want music I can sing my heart out to, and that is guaranteed with these two.
I turn on my speaker and just start making my way to my bathroom with it in my hand when “Turning Tables” is interrupted by an incoming call. I step back to where my phone is still on charge and check the screen, despite the fact I know exactly who it is calling.
