Page 107 of Spiralling Skywards: Fading
“Yep.”
“Answers?”
“She had an abortion.”
“What? When? You never knew?”
“I had no clue. She got pregnant while we were in the South of France. She’d been sick before we went. Some stomach bug she picked up from Carter and then she forgot to pack her pills when we went away.”
“But I still don’t understand. Why didn’t she just tell you she didn’t want another one?”
I started to cry. I knew why she didn’t come to me . . .
“Because she knew I’d talk her into keeping it.”
“Dude. I hate to say this, but I’m with Sarah on this one. The last thing that girl needed was another rough pregnancy. Your boys are great, but fuck me, they’re hard work.”
“I know. I know why she did it. I understand. It’s my fault. I should’ve been more careful. I promised her I’d be careful, and then it was the last night, and we were drunk in the spa—”
“Yeah, Yeah. Spare me the details, please.”
“I just said some really shitty things to her.”
“She just tried to kill herself. You’ve every right to be fucked off with her. Man, I’m fucked off with her.”
“I called her a murdering cunt. I told her that I hated her.”
“Del. Fuck.”
We were both quiet for a while.
“Where are you now?”
“Sitting outside the hospital in my car.”
“Go back in. Go see your wife. You don’t hate her, Del. You lashed out because you’re scared. You two are bigger than this. You’ll get through it.”
“I love her so fucking much, and she wanted to leave me. How could she love me and the kids if she was prepared to just go like that?”
“Because it wasn’t about you and the kids. It was about her. Don’t switch this around and make it about you. It’s about her and what she’s been going through.”
I could hear the tremble in his voice as he continued to speak.
“I feel so fucking guilty. All of the hours you work, all of the times I could’ve taken on a little more and let you go home early to her and the boys, all of that and the fact that I didn’t see this coming. Didn’t realise that she was down enough to even contemplate something like this.”
“None of us saw it.”
“We let her down Del. We fucking let her down.”
“I know. I know that. It’s one of the reasons I’m so angry.”
He lets out a long shaky breath.
“Well now’s the time to step up and be there for her. You need to get back in there and tell her you love her.”
“I don’t know if she’s gonna want me back in there after the things I just said.”
“Only one way to find out. Don’t leave her in that hospital bed all on her own. She needs you now more than ever, and I think you need her just as much.”
