Page 116 of Spiralling Skywards: Fading
“Remember how sick you were with Carter?”
“I’ll never forget it.”
“Every time I hear this song, I think of you, holding your hair back, rubbing your back, and bringing you water when you were sick.”
“Every word in this song could’ve been written for us.”
“It could. It’s why I always think of you—of us—whenever I hear it.”
“And yet it all could’ve ended so differently.”
“But it didn’t.”
“No, it didn’t.”
She smiles up at me and I pull her in close.
“I love you a lottle, Sarah Delaney.”
“I love you a lottle more.”
TWO YEARS LATER
The night is warm, but not so warm that we have to have the windows closed and the air conditioning cranking.
I’m not sure what it is that woke me, the gentle breeze blowing in from the open balcony doors or the sound of the cicada’s and the oceans waves. I lie still and listen to the soothing sounds of both, after a few moments I realise that my husband is missing from our bed.
I climb out of bed and pad quietly down the hallway to where I know that I’ll probably find him.
I’m right.
He’s stood with his back to me, facing the open window. The sounds of the Indian Ocean gently filling this room too
I love this sound. After three years in Australia, I can’t even imagine not living by the beach. When our house was quiet at night, when the boys were all tucked up in their beds, I loved to hear the waves, they calmed me. They sounded like home, strange that it took me so long to find where I really belong.
Everything about our lives is so very different now. We are surrounded by family and had a great group of friends. Our support network is strong, and I have a sense peace like I’ve never known.
This feeling of contentment and wellbeing had led me to make a choice that had shocked most people that knew us. Everyone told me that I was mad. For a while, Liam was absolutely against the idea of another baby, worried that a bad pregnancy might send me spiralling back down into a deep depression. But it didn’t, because everything was different here. I had help and support. I was surrounded by people that loved me and a husband that came home every night, rarely travelled and was always by my side. After we consulted carefully with my doctor, and we waited until I had gone over a year without any kind of anxiety or depression, Liam then supported my decision to come off of the pill.
I don’t know how exactly to describe my need for another baby. I think the best way would be to say, like a woman knows she categorically doesn’t want any more, I was categorically positive that I wanted just one more.
And now here we were.
Maisie Matilda Delaney was born on our wedding anniversary in August. She had just turned three months old, and tonight was the very first night she was supposed to be spending in her own room . . . Except her dad had other ideas.
Liam is besotted with his daughter, as are three of her four big brothers. Lucas being the only one not impressed with her arrival, continuously asking us when she is going back.
As if sensing my presence, Liam turns around.
“What are you doing?”
“Watching you. What are you doing?”
“Watching our daughter.”
“Why, what’s she doing?”
“Sleeping.”
