Page 83 of Chasing Never
“And what became of the child?” asks Darling.
The memory of the maid’s tears against my shoulder as she threw herself into my arms and cried words of thanks caresses me even still.
“I made sure he was taken care of.”
“Like you’re going to take care of our little boy?” she asks.
I nod, my chin scraping the top of her head.
“In that case, I’m not too worried over the details of the warden’s death.”
CHAPTER 37
WENDY
Early the next morning, I’m woken by a dull aching in my lower abdomen.
At first, dreary from sleep, I think it must be menstrual cramps. But then I remember that’s not possible at the moment.
I frown, grabbing my stomach.
The pain isn’t severe, at least. And after I slink from bed—Nolan snoring softly without stirring—and slip into the bathroom, I check my undergarments. There’s no bleeding. And though I know very little about pregnancy—in the aristocracy, it was not a state to be commented on much less discussed—I imagine there can’t be too much wrong. Perhaps these sorts of mild pains are normal. I’m fairly sure I’ve heard whispers of pregnant women complaining of how terribly ill they felt while carrying their children. Or it could have been the cheese Nolan and I ate last night. Perhaps my abdominals are simply sore from all the rowing Nolan and I did yesterday.
I sneak back into our room, pulling on a set of trousers, a shirt, and a coat. Fresh air and a walk has never made me feel worse. At the very least, it should get my mind off of it and keep me from writhing in bed and waking Nolan.
As I sneak from the cottage, it’s still dark outside. Maybe I’ll get a beautiful view of the sunrise.
This quiet hope in mind, I pace across the sand. It’s still cold, the air not having had time to heat from the sun yet, but with Nolan’s coat on, the weather is not at all unpleasant.
Back in Neverland, I would have found the chill invigorating—though I can’t bring myself to feel that exhilaration here.
I crave the warmth that will overcome the beach once the sun rises. The kiss of its rays on my skin. The ability to shed my coat.
Still, the sound of the ocean is calming.
My mind wanders. I do my best to rein it in. It’s not in the habit of wandering off to happy places. And I’d promised myself three months of happiness.
I don’t know if I would have allowed myself as much had there not been a plan in place to keep my son safe at the end of all this. But there’s a certain peace in knowing he will be taken care of. That he won’t have to suffer as I did, or as Nolan did as a child.
There will be the fact that he won’t know his mother. But I trust Nolan to raise him knowing his mother loves him.
Even that thought feels like a lie, considering the bargain I struck so hastily with the Sister.
No, I remind myself. Three months of happiness.
I promised myself I wouldn’t let my mind wander to these places. I have the rest of my life to hate myself for what I did, to question whether or not my son will feel abandoned. Now is not the time.
So I push it away. Stick it into a box and tuck it away inside the corner of my mind. The same place I used to hide in my darkest moments during my captivity.
Slowly, the sun peeks over the salty ocean, its gentle orange rays streaking across the sky. I imagine bathing in its warmth. Only a few more hours, then I can lie in the sand, bury myback into it, and allow the warmth to soothe the aching in my abdomen.
But a prickle forms on the back of my neck, and I get the sense I am not alone on this beach. I whip around to find in the distance, a silhouette taking form—a shadow morphing into the shape of a woman.
My heart pounds in my chest, and I prepare to flee, thinking perhaps it’s the Middle Sister come to find us, having tracked us down early for her payment. Or perhaps it’s the Eldest Sister, come to wreak havoc in our lives for the fun of it.
But as the figure draws near and the glow of the rising sun illuminates her features, I recognize the pale skin and silvery blonde hair as belonging to Malia, the Seer who works for Kendra.
Even so, I still find myself hesitant, my toes digging into the sand as she draws near.
